Sunday, May 30, 2010

Don't Take Life For Granted

When I became pregnant with my first child, I decided to become a full-time, stay at home Mom. I knew I was very fortunate to be able to make that choice (financially) and once my son was born, I was very happy not to be a working Mom. When my second son was born, I felt even more blessed to have the financial security to continue to be a full-time Mom, and I was even more thrilled with my decision to turn my back on corporate life in order to open my arms and my heart to my children.

I've been keeping the home fires burning for about 11 years now, and I've learned a lot about taking things for granted...mostly because I often feel that all of my work and effort are taken for granted within our little family. Clothes are magically cleaned, folded and put away. Favorite foods appear in the fridge and the pantry. Dirty dishes disappear from the sink and dishwasher, magically reappearing in the cabinets, all sparkling clean. Floors clean themselves, errands are run, birthday presents bought and wrapped, library books returned, and school supplies (even those last minute project supplies) magically show up at just the right moment.

Of course, you and I know there's nothing "magic" about running a household - Mom does it all. So I grouse now and then, as most Moms probably do, and then I get a little more help, but, in time, it dwindles back down until the next time I grouse. Between you and me, my grousing probably coincides with phases of the moon, but I haven't taken the time to pin that down as of yet.

All of that said, I must admit that I am just as guilty of taking things for granted myself, and I find that it takes a bit of a nudge to realize and admit it. As a stay at home Mom, I can go to the grocery stores on a mid-week morning and cruise through pretty effortlessly. I take that for granted until I make the mistake of trying to zip through on a Sunday afternoon. There is no such thing as "zipping through" the parking lot, let alone the store itself, on a weekend. My time during the day is pretty flexible, which allows me to volunteer a great deal in my boys' schools and to generally "be available" for whatever presentation or show crops up. I take that flexibility for granted until I bump into a conflict that I just can't clear, and I realize how fortunate I usually am. I take my health and stamina for granted until I'm knocked down by something major, like bronchitis, or even a more minor sinus infection. Worse than that, I take my children's health for granted until I see or hear stories of seriously or terminally ill children.

It's human nature, I suppose, to expect, without even thinking about it, that life will go on tomorrow just as it does today. It's human nature, I suppose, to think that we are in the absolute worst situation of anyone on the planet, until we hear of the tragedy that someone else is dealing with. It's human nature, I suppose, to expect others to lift us up when we need it without ever offering to lift anyone else, or to expect that all that needs to be done will be done without our hands getting dirty. Perhaps it's human nature, but that doesn't make it right.

This planet that we live on and this life that we have are very precious and very fragile. The children that we are blessed with are incredibly precious...and they can be fragile, too. Our family ties, whether it's family we're born into or family we choose, are priceless. Our time with one another is limited in so many ways, so it must be savored, cherished, and treasured.

But how do we stop taking life for granted and begin enjoying it more? Gratitude. Start small and work your way up. Instead of complaining about all that went wrong, be grateful for the little things that go right in your day - your children got to the bus stop on time, there's just enough milk for your coffee, and you sailed through 3 green lights on your way to wherever (probably to buy more milk!). Be grateful for things that others do for you and say "thank you"...preferably with a real, honest to goodness smile on your face. Ok, maybe the smile is pushing it, but at least notice other people's efforts and say "thank you".

Be grateful for at least one thing, each and every day because that will force you to take notice. And if you're taking notice you're not taking for granted, and that will change your whole day. And when you've racked up 7 changed days, you've changed a week. And as you change your weeks, your partner and your children might just follow your lead and begin to notice and be grateful, too, so their days will change. And before you know it, we've made a real difference in each other's lives and in the world. That may not be human nature, but it surely feels right to me.

Sunday, May 23, 2010

Lessons from the Garden

Among the many words I use to describe to myself, this time of year, gardener is my favorite. You know how the smell of freshly mown grass trumpets "Spring" through the air? I like that well enough, but what really gets my heart pumping is the sight and smell of freshly tilled soil. I don't see "dirt", I see opportunities, possibilities and many, many lessons, and that's my favorite part of being a gardener.

What kind of lessons can be found in the garden? Life lessons, of course! While they may often be disguised as simple plant trivia or pest control strategies, don't be fooled into thinking that God's not trying to convey a deeper meaning. For example, take the following:

You can't rush a cucumber.
Plants grow on their own schedule - not yours. Just because you've been delayed in planting your seeds or seedlings does not mean that the plants will rush to catch up to your preconceived notion of a schedule. Conversely, just because you're over anxious one year and get all those veggie seedlings in the ground a month early does not mean that you will be relishing those first cucumbers any earlier than usual. In fact, the plants may end up suffering in the oddball late frost. The gardener can not coax, cajole, bribe, or intimidate a plant into setting fruit before it is ready to do so. Cucumbers are fully developed and ready when they're ready and not 1 minute sooner.

Life lesson? Stop rushing. If it doesn't work for a cucumber, it's probably not going to work (in the long run) for people either. Life happens as it happens, other people will do as they do, so sit back, take a few deep breaths, and enjoy the ride. Let each experience in your life fully develop before you rush onto the next one. Corollary: Stop rushing your children, too....and your spouse...and your co-workers...and...well, you get the idea.

Companion planting works quite well.
Companion planting is the practice of planting different veggies and flowers right next each other to create a mutually beneficial growing environment. Corn stalks act as trellises and support for pole beans, parsley keeps tomato horn worms from eating the life out of your tomato plants, and marigolds keep all sorts of garden pests at bay while looking mighty pretty all the while.

Life lesson? Don't try to go it alone - buddy up. Companions of all shapes, sizes, and backgrounds will bring many added benefits to your life. Plus, you'll get a chance to share your special gifts and talents with them, too. And just like in the garden, the best companions provide support and keep the pests at bay. ;-)

The gardener does not have total control.
You buy the best tomato seedlings, plant them deeply in perfectly amended soil, in the perfect location where they can soak up 6 hours of sun a day, and water at the roots, just enough, but not too much. What happens next? Along comes a blight and you harvest only a few sad little tomatoes, or you're assaulted by a freak summer hail storm that knocks all the green tomatoes off the vine, or that doggone groundhog takes just 3 bites out of each and every red tomato on the vines (can you tell I've had vast experience with groundhogs over the last few years?).

Gardening, my friend, is an optimist's game. While there's a lot that can be done to ensure a successful harvest, there is almost just as much that is totally out of the gardener's hands. We can only do our best and let nature take care of the rest.

Life lesson? Give up the need to constantly be in control of every piddly little detail in life. In fact, sometimes it's good to give up control of some big things, too. I know you're wondering who'll take control if we let it go. God, of course. Or the Creator, or your Higher Power, or the Universe...whatever name you choose to use for the One who made us and all that's around us. For just like gardening, life is an optimist's game. No one gets out alive. Take a chance and let someone else drive for a bit - I think you'll find it's a nice change of pace.

There's always more than enough to share.
When it comes to gardens and sharing, I have one word for you - zucchini. Fellow gardeners know exactly what I mean...no matter how few plants we plant each year, we end up with pounds and pounds of this prolific little beauty. Non-gardeners know exactly what I mean because every year their well-meaning gardening friends bring pounds and pounds of these little green beauties into work each and every day looking for a good home for them...preferably yours!

No matter how small a garden we have, even if it's a balcony garden grown in pots, there is always plenty to eat with more than enough to share. Gardeners hate to see the fruits of their labor go to waste, and, in all honesty, sharing helps us show off a little bit, too.

Life lesson? There's always more than enough to share. Whether it's our time, our knowledge, our patience, our talents, our laughter, our tears, our hopes, our dreams, or (especially) our love. There's always more than enough to share.

Thursday, May 20, 2010

Be Careful What You Wish For & Make Some Lemonade

In my last post, I was talking about how tired I am of rushing around and how I'm vowing to slow down. Well, God took me at my word (be careful what you wish for!). Last night my youngest got sick, so I kept him home from school today. It turns out, he's fine and will most likely head back to school tomorrow, but my plans for the day flew out the window, which turned out to be a glorious change of pace.

It's just about Noon and, so far, my son and I have talked over a leisurely breakfast, played 4 board games, watched a Rolie Polie Ollie video (well, mostly he watched it, but I enjoyed hearing the familiar voices and story line), and enjoyed lunch together. We've shared lots of smiles and laughter, lots of hugs and cuddles, and I even managed to sneak in several loads of laundry! He's now happily playing a computer game, which gives me some Mom time. I hope to wrap this up and get some quilting time in before our afternoon round of board games begins.

I'm sorry that my little one is under the weather, but I am so very thrilled to have him home with me. I'm enjoying the best moments of his preschool days all over again, and it's heaven. What started as an "Oh no!" kind of night has turned into a day of parenting bliss. I gave in to God and gave up the rushing and the stress. I'm ignoring the To Do list and making my son my focus today, and that feels oh so very right in my heart and soul. We have a whole day to just be - what a gift!

My experience today has reaffirmed my vow to slow down and focus on what's really important in life. I thought God gave me a bushel of lemons last night, but we've managed to make lemonade, and I'm enjoying it immensely. Life is too short to constantly rush through it. Children grow and change so quickly. Soak up and savor every ounce of sweetness while they're little. Not only will it make your life more vibrant, it will lead to happy and well-balanced children who will learn to be kind and nurturing people. One day you may need that from them.

Off I go to sew a little thread and to sow some more sunshine!

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Stop & Smell the Roses

It's a cold and rainy Tuesday in May. The dog's crossing his legs so he doesn't have to venture out in the rain. The children are tired of rushing off to school and rushing back to face homework. Dad's working long hours and travelling a lot, and Mom's just plain burned out and sick of the whole grind. I guess that makes us a typical suburban family of four....plus dog.

We seem to be rushing more and more as the months go by. Rush to get up and get ready for school. Rush to run errands and do the 18 million chores I need to do to keep the household running before the boys get home from school. Rush to prepare dinner, then rush to clean up the kitchen after dinner and help with homework. Rush the boys through showers and PJs so they can have 30 minutes to read before we rush to do lights out and go to sleep so that we can rush to wake up and start all over again the next day!

Is it any wonder I'm burned out and sick of it all? What happened to fun and family time? Call me crazy, but I don't consider studying for tests or reviewing homework to be great Mother/Son bonding time. What happened to the wonder of childhood, the freedom to explore and question, time to lay in the grass and see what kind of images the clouds can form, or time to wander through the library discovering authors we've never read? We rush and hurry and hurry and rush like the White Rabbit in Alice and Wonderland. Where did all that rushing get him, anyway? I probably rushed through that book and can't remember!

There was a time, not too terribly long ago, when I walked 3 or 4 times a week. I walked for the good of my health, but also to get out and about and away from my desk. People told me I should really be jogging - it's so much better for your heart, they would say. But I preferred walking precisely because it was slower so I could take the time to see things. Over time, I watched buds form on trees and grow into leaves. I watched flowers bloom and noticed when homeowners planted new patches of grass. I noticed new patterns of sun and shade as the months went by, then watched the leaves change color and fall to the ground. In short, I noticed the cycles of nature and life, and I loved it. Time seemed to move more slowly and I seemed to have lots of time to do what I needed to do. What happened?

As I watched a dinosaur movie at the Science Center today, I realized that time is moving at the same rate it always has...I haven't seen any news flashes that the day now has 20 hours instead of 24 or that the year now has 300 days instead of 365. Well, I reasoned, if time is moving at the same rate, then it must be me who's moving faster and faster. So why don't I just slow down?
And if I slow down won't my children follow in my footsteps? Do we really have to DO so many things? Can't we simply put aside some time to just BE? Hmmmmm.

Yes, we're a suburban family. We rush through the school year and then rush to sign our children up for lots of summer camps, then rush to get them to and from said camps, then rush to get them back into school. This year I vow to be different.

This year I vow to limit the weeks of summer camps and days committed to someone else's schedules. This year I vow to keep some weeks sacred for simple hang around family time and risk having my children think they're bored. This year I vow to bring back the wonder and magic of childhood for my boys. I vow to remind us all to marvel at the cycles of nature, to linger in the garden without pulling weeds, to chase after butterflies, to blow bubbles all afternoon, to catch lightening bugs in the evenings, and to play games with my boys - not because they're educational or trendy or the latest and greatest, but simply because they're fun.

Then maybe, just maybe, I'll have the wisdom and courage to say "no" to more obligations when the school year begins again. And maybe, just maybe, next year won't be so rushed.

Perhaps you'll consider joining me in this vow? Perhaps we can all stop and smell the roses a bit more. Better yet, perhaps we can actually plant some roses!

Sunday, May 16, 2010

For the Love of Words

There's a newsletter I receive every month that has a section called "Why I Write" where members submit short essays about what compels them to write. Sometimes I read it, but mostly I think about what my essay might look like, if I chose to submit one.

So why do I write? My answers shift from time to time, but mostly I've realized that I have always written and always loved the process of wiggling the pen on the paper and watching a page become filled with my words. Somewhere along the line, I discovered that the written word is very powerful - it can stir emotion, push people into action, shift attitudes and points of view, and even give birth to a new nation.

Why is that? Words, after all, are just ink symbols on a page, modern glyphs. No, the written word is more than that. Writing is the hard copy, the tangible, lasting form of the spoken word, and the spoken word is mighty powerful indeed. Words have energy, they carry and convey emotion, they express our thoughts, and sometimes, form our opinions. Words and thoughts influence our facial expressions, our body language, even our actions.

In my life, as I'm sure is true in yours, I've been both stung and uplifted by another's words. My children's verbal and written expressions of love and affection bring me to tears, friends' words of encouragement keep me moving when I feel tired and stuck, compliments bring smiles, and words of sympathy bring comfort. Words come to us from the past, like when I hear my Mom's voice saying "A thought is a prayer" when someone has been on my mind, or when I hear a favorite High School teacher saying "Your writing is beautiful" when I find myself wondering about my skills...and she was a Math teacher.

Yes, words have immense power, and so what are we to do with them? Well, I try to be careful with the words I choose to share with the world, both publicly and privately. I teach my children that words have energy, both positive and negative, and it's our responsibility to opt for the positive as often as possible (that's why name calling is so harmful). It's easy to be careful with our words when we're happy and calm. It's much, much more difficult to be mindful of our words when we're angry or hurt, but that's precisely when it's most important to choose our words with care. Once the hurtful, spiteful barb is let loose in the room, it's so very hard to heal the wound it has inflicted on another. My hope is that we each be a little more mindful of the words we choose to share with each other from day to day.

So I write for the love of words, for their influence and charm, for the ability to put positive, honest energy into the world, and to share what I ponder and what I've learned, in the hope that it will help at least one other person, somewhere, somehow. And that, in a nutshell, is the whole point of this blog.

Friday, May 14, 2010

Every Journey Begins With A Step

I sat at my kitchen table yesterday with a good friend of mine, trying to reassure her that the business she's thinking of starting is a great idea and will be a great success. Her vision is clear, her passion is deep, her skills unrivaled, her commitment is strong, and her husband is behind her 100%. I just know in my bones that she'll be great and her business will bring her financial and emotional rewards. But she's hesitant and nervous, voicing lots of "what if's" that could lead to something less than success.

I started wondering why it is that other people can see a clear path for us when all we see are hurdles. Perhaps we place these hurdles in our own way. Why is it that people in our "inner circle" can see and feel our expertise and success while we see only drawbacks and weaknesses? Do we not believe in ourselves? Do we fear success? Is it safer not to risk so that we don't fail "in public"? So what if we fail? And who defines failure, or success, anyway? Don't we tell our children to throw caution to the wind and give new things a try? Don't we say that it's ok if you're not great at something your first time out, that practice will improve skills? Don't we say that we learn more from failure than success?


With all these questions swirling through my brain (along with some good old fashioned Halleluias and Amens) , I sat myself down at my computer and created this blog. Yes, it has a funny name, which I'll explain another time, but it's one of my first steps on a writing journey. Over the last 10 or 12 years, I've taken other small steps, some with exuberance, others a bit more hesitantly, and I've gotten good feedback and learned a whole lot. But right now this feels like the right path to meander down for a while.

Thank you to Sujit for first suggesting a blog and for being so supportive in Children's Liturgy at Church. Thank you to Aunt Marie for an extra dose of inspiration (along with a loving nudge in the right direction). And if you're ever in the mood for an uplifting film, check out Julie & Julia, but make sure you have either a full stomach or a full bowl of popcorn in front of you. Better yet, make it a creme brulee!

I have lots of ideas for future posts, and I'm sure life will provide many new ideas as each day passes. Please check back every so often and, if you 're so inclined, share some of your thoughts with me. But please remember that constructive criticism is the best - first steps are often tentative and taken with several deep breaths and nagging fears of success.

I thank you for joining me.

Jane