The Greatest Gift You Can Give

Here we are at the end of another year. The Holiday rush is winding down. Cards have been mailed, cookies have been baked and shared (and eaten!), gifts have been unwrapped, toys are being played with, and, here in the Northeast, we're digging out of the blizzard of 2010.

Christmas is a memory now, but this year has to go down as one of the best I've had in a while. We celebrated the holiday with family, as we always do, but somehow, this year held a special magic with extra doses of fun and laughter. I've spent the last few days trying to figure out what was different this year, and I think it may be that, 'round about Thanksgiving, I made a conscious decision not to stress. As the Whos down in Whoville taught the Grinch, Christmas would come whether there were boxes and bows, cards and cookies, or not. So I decided to do the best that I could do, not try to live up to some unrealistic, self-imposed expectation, and not worry about it.

As it turns out, I still managed to get all of the things done that I usually do (even if some things got done a bit later than usual) and I managed to actually enjoy it more. Just as the Whos sang on Christmas morning, even without any of the "stuff" that they usually had for Christmas, my heart sang because it was lighter. It was the best gift I've given to myself in some time, and it was a gift to those around me, as well.

Since I wasn't all tied up in knots about what did or didn't get done, I could take in all the joy that Christmas brings, but mostly, being calmer allowed me to see that the best gifts aren't just things. The best gifts are the love, patience, and understanding that we give to one another, and we bestow those gifts by giving of our time and our thoughtfulness.

It is said that actions speak louder than words, so where we put our time and attention speaks volumes about what, and who, is really important to us. Giving Christmas presents is fun, and there's nothing like watching a loved one's face light up with joy when they open a particularly special gift. Let's not forget that what makes a gift special is not the physical thing itself, but what it represents, both to the giver and the receiver. When a present is chosen with thoughtfulness and love, it shows that the giver not only understands what's important to the receiver, but that the giver is supportive and cares about the receiver's interests. It's a symbol of caring and sharing, of nurturing and love. It's a sign that the giver has spent time and emotional energy with the receiver in mind.

As we head into a new year, I'm hoping to keep that thought uppermost in my mind. I'm hoping to remember that the greatest gift I can give to anyone - friend, family member, or even stranger - is my time. I'm hoping to remember that when someone gives me their time, that I take a minute to be grateful, for that's the greatest gift someone can give to me, too.

If we can all be as diligent about giving of ourselves as we are about buying, wrapping, and exchanging Christmas presents, perhaps 2011 will be a year filled with the peace that we all crave.

A Plea for Peaceful Language

Anyone who has ever gone toy shopping for a child quickly discovers that there are "girl toy" aisles and "boy toy" aisles. The "girl aisles" are awash in bright pinks and pastels, offering dolls and kitchen sets, while the "boy aisles" are covered in black and camouflage colors, offering cars, trucks, and "action figures".
As the mother of two boys, I've spent many hours shaking my head in disgust as I see shelf after shelf filled with violence disguised as toys for boys. There are (turn on your best over-excited announcer voice when you read these) Awesome Smashing, Crashing Hot Wheels and Matchbox car sets, MegaMorph Transformers with Realistic Bazooka Blasters, Ultra Long Range Nerf Bombers with Ammo Boosters, and the list goes on and on. Now, for the record, none of these toy names are real - I've made them all up - but they do represent the kinds of toys our children are playing with.

I've had a tough ban on violence in our home, and I have to tell you, it's getting harder and harder to enforce as the years roll by. Why is that? It's because violence is all around us...everywhere...everyday...day in and day out, and I think we've become very blase about it. In fact, I suspect that we're not even consciously aware of most of what we say and hear.

Look at the language, the words and phrases we use everyday. We're fighting crime, fighting hunger, fighting disease, fighting for our rights, fighting against injustice, and fighting to get our economy back on track. When we're not fighting, we're battling. We all have loved ones who are battling cancer, we're battling the bulge, and battling unemployment. When we're not fighting or battling, we're in an all out war. We have the war on terrorism, the war on drugs, and we're waging two real life wars in Iraq and Afghanistan - wars that are taking the very real lives and very real limbs of our country's young men and women.

Is it any wonder that the hottest video game for children this Holiday Season is Call of Duty: Black Ops? No, I did not make that name up - it's for real. And what's very disturbing to me is that copies of this game are flying off the shelves...into our children's hands. We're perpetuating the cycle and passing our numbness onto our little ones, and that is such a frightening notion to me.

Now, don't get me wrong. I'm all for eradicating hunger, poverty, illnesses, injustice, crime, and so on. I just think it's time to shift the way we speak and think about it to a more positive, supportive, and healing vocabulary. Fighting and battling creates hatred and enemies - us against them - without any understanding or empathy, and I think everyone loses in the end. I saw a bumper sticker a while back that said something to the effect of "War doesn't prove who's right, it just shows who's left". Amen to that.

Just think for a second: have you ever seen or heard of any Spiritual Leader or Enlightened One walking around armed to the teeth? Was the Baby Jesus laid in the manger with his beloved M-80? Did the Buddha carry a bazooka? Did Gandhi have a pistol strapped to his ankle? Did Mother Theresa minister to the poor with her trusty Smith and Wesson? No! The very thought is ludicrous.

If we are to follow in the footsteps of those we hold up as Spiritual role models, we need to begin by changing our language and the way we think about our problems. It's not really as hard as it sounds. Instead of fighting cancer, we can Race for the Cure. The same is true for any cause, whether it's medical, political, social, economic, whatever. Leave the negativity behind and move forward, towards the positive. Research and find the root causes. Provide treatment and promote healing. Explore alternatives. Be open to new ideas and ancient healing practices. Share. Talk. Listen. Understand. Learn. Try. But, for heaven's sake, please let's stop fighting all the time.

A Mother's Love

I'm a full time Mom, but at one time (long ago, in a galaxy far, far away, so it seems) I worked outside the home. I had business cards with my name boldly printed on them, along with a fancy title meant to impress others and convey my importance in this world. I had succinctly composed goals and objectives. My progress was reviewed annually and my salary was adjusted commensurate to my performance. When people asked what I did, I had a great and impressive answer and it generated lots of questions and conversation. In short, I was working and I had value in the eyes of others.

Now I'm a full time Mom. I don't receive a paycheck or an electronic funds transfer once a month. I don't get personal or sick days off. I don't get paid vacation days. No company holidays either. My goals are long ranging, far reaching, and sometimes difficult to articulate. My objectives are fuzzy and can often shift from day to day or hour to hour. When people ask what I do and I answer that I'm a full time Mom, I get a rather sickly sweet smile and a nod and all conversation comes to a screeching halt. No questions...no interest...nothing.

Sometimes I press on and say that I LOVE what I do - which is the absolute truth - and I say that I work harder now than I ever did in the corporate world - which is also absolutely true. Then I get that question - you know the one - "do you think you'll ever go back to work?" as though Motherhood is a temporary blip of insanity in an otherwise sane and properly lived life. I usually say, "absolutely not", but what I REALLY want to say is something more along the lines of, "I know you think I gave up something grand and important just to wash clothes and vacuum carpets, but really, I gave up nothing and I have gained everything. And, if I spend all of my day and all of my week giving my time and energy to the corporate world, who will love my children?"

I have nothing against working Moms and Dads, and I know they love their children deeply. Some people enjoy working and they're probably happier people and are, therefore better parents because they're happy. But that's not who I am, and that's not how I feel I best express my deep, deep love for my children.

A Mother's love is indescribably deep and wide. It's unconditional, ever enduring, unending, and it has an amazing quality that makes you feel like it's a real, tangible thing that you can actually touch, while also feeling like you could never possibly hold it all in your arms at once. It feels like you are surrounded by it on the outside, and yet you hold it all inside of you, all at the same time. A Mother's love begins before the child is born and lasts forever and ever. I heard a woman once say that a Mother's love is the Mother load. Yes indeed, it is.

I would love, just once, when someone asks what I do and I tell them I'm a full time Mom, to have them smile in amazement, shake their head with wonder, and say something like, "That is such an important task and I am so impressed that you devote so much of your time and energy to your children's physical, emotional, and spiritual well-being." I am, after all, touching the future.

Pray All Ways

Every week in my parish, there's a theme or core message for Sunday Mass that I also think of as a meditation or an idea to ponder for the week. The phrase this morning was "Pray always", which I take to mean pray through the day and the week and all through your life. Every relationship needs open lines of communication and prayer is a good way to communicate with God to keep that relationship strong, so praying is a good thing.

I got to thinking, what if, instead of 'always' it could be 'all ways'. Pray all ways. Pray with your words, with your heart, with your actions and deeds, with your hands, with your intentions...all ways. Well, that kicks it up a notch, wouldn't you say?

My Mom always used to say "a thought is a prayer". Just thinking of someone is a prayer for their good health and safety; it's a prayer for peace in their life and in their heart. Thinking can be praying.

Actions can be prayers. Hugging a frightened child, caring for someone who's ill, holding the hand of a grieving friend are all prayers for healing and comfort, and they all involve using our hands in active prayer.

Even our very breathing can be praying. When my husband and I were first trying to have a baby, every breath I took seemed to be a prayer for fertility. The second I saw a positive result on the pregnancy test, my breathing instantly became prayers of thanksgiving.

We can even find prayer in the most mundane, unglamorous, tedious everyday chores. Laundering countless pounds of dirty clothes, can be a prayer that my family walks out the door each morning securely wrapped in Mom's love and affection. Planning and preparing meals can be a prayer that my family is always healthy and well-nourished. Washing endless piles of dirty dishes, can be a prayer for a clean slate - that we forgive each other's mistakes and start fresh. Weeding the garden, can be a prayer for clarity - that I see and nurture my children's goodness.

Even writing this blog can be a prayer...that somehow, somewhere along the line, my words can have a positive impact or influence on another person's life.

I think an important part of Praying All Ways is to do it intentionally, and by that I mean, to be aware of the prayer. Be aware of God working with you and through you to bring goodness into another's life. Be aware of the power of the smallest of gestures to lift someone's mood or alter the course of their day for the better. Know that the mundane and tedious actions (prayers) are, in many ways, far more important and powerful than the public, and perhaps glamorous ones.

Yup, "Pray All Ways" is a powerful phrase to ponder, and it's an even more powerful gift to give to the world. So please, join with me and pray all ways.

What Do You Stand For?

I've spent the last two days trying to recover from a nasty sinus infection, so when I haven't been sleeping, I've been watching way too much daytime tv. You know, there's really lots of nothing on all day and it all seems to be paid for by the same sponsors...it's amazing.

Since Election Day is drawing near, 'tis the season for political ads and smear campaigns. Everyone calls everyone else a liar and a cheat, everyone promises to clean up the County, State, or Municipality, everyone has vast experience, and, lately, everyone is an outsider who will bring fresh views and ideas to the job. I don't mean to be cynical, but I've been voting for some time now, and I have yet to see any great revolutions in the way government is run on any level. But that's not the point I'd like to make right now.

Candidates always try to differentiate themselves by what they stand for. Now, most of us will never run for public office, but I think it's worth while to ponder the question, 'What do you stand for?'

What does it mean to 'stand for' something, anyway? It means you believe in it, you support it, you'd vote for it, but is that as far as you'll go? Will you 'stand up' and 'stand out' for it? Will you speak out for it? Will you risk criticism or sidelong glances from others or put your money where your mouth is by donating money or your time to the cause? Will you write letters and sign your name? Will you stand for something by standing behind your words, meaning will you say what you believe in public and not just when you're working the grapevine or gossip circuit? And, perhaps most important of all, will you live by your own words? Will you walk the talk and, in so doing, inspire others to join you?

These are all important questions because they have the power and the potential to influence our decisions and actions, both large and small, on a daily basis. For example, I believe in leaving as small a footprint on this Earth as I can - I'm green (maybe I should type that Green), and have lived that way for many years.
I have an organic garden and compost my kitchen scraps (my husband calls me a dirt farmer). My electricity needs are not just met, but are exceeded by the solar panels mounted on my garage roof. When it was time to redo the kitchen, I opted for cork flooring and Ice Stone counter tops. I hang laundry on my clothesline to dry. I cook in my solar oven whenever possible. I buy organic produce as often as I can. I purchase recycled products as much as possible. And the list goes on. My point is, being green (or Green, as the case may be) influences, or maybe even drives, my little day-to-day choices as well as my big ticket buying decisions, and I think that's a good thing. Environmental responsibility is not the only thing I stand for, but it's certainly on my top 5 list.

It's important to know where you stand and to 'walk the talk' because then you can live honestly and authentically. You can be yourself and be true to your values. You can think about and work on things that are important to you. You can live with integrity, and that is a mighty powerful, satisfying, and liberating place to be.

So the question is: what do you stand for? What drives your day-to-day choices and decisions? Is it something that you can be proud of? If it is, that's wonderful. If it isn't, then change it. Life is too short to continue down unworthy and uninteresting paths. If you have no idea, then perhaps it's time for some quiet time and introspection so that you can figure it out. If you can't put it into words, you can't put it into practice, and that's no way to go about life.

Know Where You're From

My last two weeks have been filled with angst. Stress, frustrations, irritations...you name it. It was not a fun time. All the while, I tried to resolve the situations one by one, rushing to fight the proverbial fires here and there, never feeling like I got anywhere and getting more and more irritated and exhausted by the hour.

My husband and boys went camping this weekend, which gave me a great opportunity to chill out, breathe, and see if I could find the big picture view to put the last 2 weeks into perspective. On my way to the library, I was listening to a Bob Marley CD. The lyrics to one of his songs go like this, "We know where we're going. We know where we're from." And there it was - the perspective to help me rise above it all and dump the angst.

I know from whence I come. All 4 of my grandparents were immigrants from Poland. They came with next to nothing and built lives and and raised families in a strange country. They may not have been educated and they certainly were not wealthy, but they were not afraid of hard work and they learned whatever they needed to know to raise their children and make sure they were educated. My grandparents were strong people, both physically and spiritually, whose courage, determination, and perseverance is at the root of the U.S. branch of my family tree.

As every gardener knows, what comes in through the roots of a plant is used to send out blossoms and, once those flowers are pollinated, ultimately nourish the fruit. As the roots of my tree, my grandparents' strength, courage, determination, and perseverance is in me. I come from a family of survivors. They faced fears and jumped over hurdles that I'm sure I can not begin to imagine, so why should I let some day-to-day irritations get the better of me? I don't have to leave my country for a chance at a better life somewhere else, I don't have to worry about feeding my family, I don't have to worry about my children's health or their educational opportunities. Life is relatively easy.

Once I remembered where I come from and how far we have come in 2 short generations, the stress and frustration of the past weeks melted away. I regained my focus, realizing that I'm a survivor. I'm strong and courageous. I live my convictions and teach my children to do the same. Nothing and no one will trample me for long, for I have the fortitude and perseverance to get right back up again and keep on going.

I tell you all of this so that, when life gets difficult, you, too may remember and draw strength from where you have come. We've all been beaten up by life. We've all lived through crises, drama, and trauma. And we are all still (hopefully) going forward.

Know where you're going and know where you're from. Look back for strength, look forward with hope and conviction, and keep following the path that you know to be right for you.

Go Within & Live It Out

I was watching a rerun of Oprah the other day and Diane Sawyer was talking to a fan of hers who is a newscaster on a local Illinois television station. In the conversation, Ms. Sawyer said (and I'm paraphrasing) 'As long as what you care about on the inside matches what you're doing on the outside, you'll have rocket fuel to power your life and your dreams'. Wow, isn't that a powerful statement?

I think sometimes we manage to demonstrate our values by behaving and living in a particular way, but it seems to me that we could all use a booster when it comes to actually matching what's inside us to what we're doing in the world. First, we have to know, and be able to articulate, what we care about and what really is inside us. The things we care about are probably fairly easy to identify, but what is really inside us? That seems to be a bit harder.

Now, perhaps Ms. Sawyer was just speaking about career choices and paths when she used the words 'what's inside us', but I want to challenge us all to take a broader meaning to those words. I want to challenge us to include all of our values, all of our hopes, and all of our dreams, for ourselves and for future generations. What's inside us also includes our life purpose, our destiny, our unique potential for greatness, in short, our soul's reason for coming into this life via this human body at this time in history.

In order to know what's inside us, we need to answer: Who am I and why am I here? Not an easy task, I know. It takes a journey inward, patience, sometimes courage, and a true desire to live a fabulous life being all you are meant to be. But first, we must be willing to enjoy some quiet time away from the hustle and bustle of our daily routines. Set aside your To Do list for 10 minutes - don't worry, it won't disappear - and just close your eyes and breathe. Let your body relax for a change. Embrace the quiet and the stillness and let your worries drift away. Then, when you feel calm, ask yourself "What's inside me?" or "Why am I here?" I know it sounds silly to ask yourself such questions, but if you don't already know, how will you find out if you don't ask?

Now comes the tricky part. Just let the answers drift into your mind - don't judge or criticize them, don't censor them, don't push them away because you think they're silly - just let the answers come.

If you set aside time to be still and listen every couple of days, you'll soon begin to piece together a fairly good picture of who you are and why you're here. Then you can begin aligning what you're doing on the outside with what's really on the inside.

I call that Going Within and Living it Out. We journey inward to reacquaint ourselves with our spirit, then we take the wisdom and beauty we find there, bring it out, live it, and share it with the world. It's kind of like a caterpillar cocooning itself and then emerging as a beautiful butterfly.

So I challenge each of us to spend a little time cocooning, beginning a journey within, and listening to our hearts and souls. Then live it out and let's see how many wondrous changes we can create in our lives, in our families, and in our world.

Being True to You

I've noticed that I write about song lyrics quite often. I guess certain tunes and phrases get stuck in my head, which then causes me to ponder what they mean to me and how they apply to life, in general. Well, here I go again.

Sting wrote a song called Englishman in New York and in it, there's a line that says, "Be yourself, no matter what they say". I have always loved that line.

With 2 children in grade school, I'm very aware of peer pressure and the desire to 'fit in' and 'be like everyone else'. I know that, not only will it intensify in High School, it will be around in one form or another, all through their lives. We tell our children to think for themselves and that, just because everyone else is doing something, it doesn't mean that they have to do it, too. Through the years, how many NY Moms have asked in exasperation, "If all your friends were jumping off the Brooklyn bridge, would you jump, too?!" We're telling our children, and rightfully so, to choose right over wrong, to be true to the values taught and lived at home, and to stand up for what they believe in.

We may share common interests, but we are not all carbon copies of one another, nor should we be. We are different because of our unique talents and gifts. We have different thought processes. We have different life experiences. We have different cultural and religious backgrounds. We have different customs and traditions. Most importantly, we have different life lessons, different things to accomplish in our lifetime, and different purposes on this planet. We each have a greatness to which we should rise, but each greatness is unique, not the same, and all together they are complementary.

We each need to take the path that will lead us to our highest potential, not necessarily the most well-worn path that everyone else chooses. This is often a difficult thing to do. People may say nasty and unkind things to us. People may laugh at our hopes and dreams. People may put obstacles in our way or just not help us to get over a hurdle. People may gossip and talk behind our backs. These people may be those we thought were friends, so their words and actions hurt. These people may be family, so their words and actions cause us to question the validity of our hopes and dreams.

Quite often, it takes strength to stay true to our values, to our hopes and dreams, to who we are and who we are meant to be. It takes strength to forge a new path and to make a new mold for ourselves, instead of trying to fit into the mold that everyone else thinks we should fit into. It takes strength to be ourselves, no matter what they say.

But remember that words can never be as strong as dreams. While it's true that words have a certain amount of power because they carry energy and can convey emotion, when people say hurtful or negative things, the words are coming from their brains, from a place of thinking and judging. Their brains are hastily throwing out words in an attempt to push us back into the mold they think we belong in. It's a knee-jerk reaction caused by fear.

Fear of what? Who knows. Perhaps it's a fear of change - if you can change, then they may feel inadequate by not changing. Perhaps it's fear of failure - if you succeed by moving, then they can be seen as failing because they are standing still. Perhaps it's jealousy - a fear that you'll achieve greater financial success, or greater joy in life than they have. Perhaps it's fear of losing ground in their social network - other people will like you better in your new role, not just because of your new role, but because you're happier and more fun to be around. These people may think they're judging you when, in reality, they are really judging themselves, and concluding that they are not measuring up.

Dreams are far stronger than hastily cast off words because dreams are desires of the heart. Their power comes from a place of feeling, a more centered place, a more spiritual place, a place that holds love instead of judgement. Dreams are whispers from our souls and they carry a great and profound truth about who and where we are meant to be.

Only those who are secure enough in themselves to set their own thinking and egos aside can listen to our dreams with open and caring hearts. These are the people who will support us and rejoice in every step we take towards our goal, no matter how tentative or how small. These are the people who will not judge us, for their words will come from their hearts where very little judgement lies. They may not share our dream, they may not understand our dream, but they will support us in working towards whatever dreams we may have.

So be yourself, no matter what they say. Let those who think themselves to be superior sit in judgement, and know that they are only judging themselves. Let their words drift up and away from you in a cloud of smoke. Hold close those who are true cheerleaders and supporters. Don't worry, you will know the difference between the two...in fact, you already do. And if, by chance, you mistake a judger for a supporter, don't waste your energy being hurt and ashamed. Just carry on and know that dreams are more powerful than words.

I don't want to disappoint anyone, but, if I am pushed into a corner where I must choose, I would rather disappoint other people than disappoint myself. I'd rather live the fabulous life that my soul knows I can live, instead of the life that another person thinks is best for me. I'd rather reach for a dream and fail than succeed in never trying. I'd rather move towards something wonderful than stand still and wonder 'what if'.

If you agree, then follow your dreams and be yourself, no matter what they say.

Inspiration & Change

Last Saturday night, we attended a simulcast of the Boy Scouts of America (BSA) Shining Light celebration that capped off the 2010 National Jamboree and celebrated the 100th Anniversary of Scouting in the US. It was a big pep rally kind of show with lots of singing and dancing, speeches of all kinds, and of course, fireworks.

I expected the hoopla, but I never expected to be so proud to have my whole family involved in Scouting (we have a Boy Scout, a Cub Scout, a Cub Master and a Den Leader in our house!), and I never expected to be so inspired to pick myself up and continue giving it my all (I was pretty burned out on Scouts by the end of this last school year). I was inspired by, of all things, a rock band I had never heard of before, called Switchfoot, that performed for the boys.

Between songs, the lead singer talked to the crowd and one thing he said rang out to me loud and clear. He said, "Never believe that you can not change", and he repeated those simple and profound seven words several times. They then performed a song called "Dare You to Move". Those 2 phrases - never believe you can not change and dare you to move - have been percolating around in my brain ever since.

The next day I researched Switchfoot on the Internet and found that they began as a Christian Rock band and have always been very involved in fundraisers and charities of all kinds. Well what do you know, I may need to buy a CD or two from them. Anyway, my point is not to promote a band (although you may want to check them out on YouTube), but to have you consider the possibility of change in your own life...and perhaps to dare you to move, too.

The Cub Scout motto is "Do your best". Behavior and actions are a fine place to start when we're teaching our young children, but as adults, I think "Be your best" has more meaning. Are you the best that you can be? Have you ever stopped to think about who you could be? How big a gap is there between who you are right now and who you have the potential to become? What would it take to get you from here to there? What's holding you back from beginning the journey? Perhaps you've just never thought about it before. Perhaps you don't know where to start. Perhaps old habits and actions get in the way and cause you to turn away from a better path. Perhaps you need to believe in yourself and your support system a little more. Remember: never believe that you can not change.

We can ask all the same questions about your life, too. How is your life right now? How much better could your life be? How vast is the gulf between how your life is right now and what it has the potential to become? What would it take to get you from here to there? Why have you not begun making changes to move you in a more positive direction? Are you cocooned within yourself or are you giving back and sharing your greatness with your community, your family, and your friends? Never believe that you can not change.

My Mom used to say, "Where there is life, there is hope". I agree, and I would add "Where there is life, there is hope for positive change". All we need is a little quiet time to realize that there are better ways to go about this thing called life. Then we need to decide to change and commit ourselves to the process. Then we need to begin to move - and these can be baby steps at first, until we gain some courage and momentum. Along the way we need to allow ourselves to slide back now and then without guilt or shame - we are human, after all, and we are never perfect, but this can not be an excuse to give up or abandon all hope. Persistence must be our friend. Celebrate every little positive step, reward yourself, and keep on going. Learn from your mistakes and keep on going. Share the story of your journey with your closest supporters and keep on going. Celebrate your friends' progress and keep on going. Encourage each other, encourage yourself, and keep on going. Little by little, action by action, thought by thought, day by day, just keep on going.

Before you know it, before you even realize how far you've come, you will be there. You will be the better person you envisioned for yourself. You will be living a life that is closer to your potential. Never believe you can not change.

So now I dare you. I dare you to sit quietly for a while and ponder what could be. I dare you to reach for that goal - to be that better person - to attain that better life - to make a difference for yourself and for others, both near and far. I dare you to move...and to keep on moving...and to inspire others to do the same.

Never believe you can not change. I dare you to move.

Many thanks to Switchfoot for the great inspiration.

Manners, Please

Have you noticed that in recent years people have, in general, become less and less polite to one another? Have you noticed a marked decline in good manners and common courtesy? Have you noticed that everyone wants something from everyone else, but very few people are willing to give of themselves to another? Have you noticed that, in general, the workers in Customer Service departments have no clue what service means?

I have noticed all of these things and instead of getting better, I think we're getting worse. I've been trying to give people the benefit of the doubt by thinking that perhaps I've entered a stage in life where I can say that I was raised in different era, but even that's wearing thin. There's just no excuse for rudeness.

I can't tell you how many birthday party invitations I send to my boys' classmates that remain unacknowledged and unanswered. I clearly include an "RSVP by" date, along with a telephone number AND an email address. What can be easier than typing a quick note that says, "Sorry we can't come, but we hope you have a good time". My favorites are the Moms who call the morning of the party asking if it's too late for their precious little princess to join in the fun. Yes, as a matter of fact, it is too late. I'm very sorry they're disappointed, but my son was disappointed that you could not be bothered to respond over the last 2 weeks.

I can't tell you how may times my boys have attended birthday parties and never received a thank you note...not even an email thank you note, for heaven's sake. Not only is that annoying, it's rude.

If you receive an invitation, you respond. If you receive a gift (no matter how hideous you may think it is), you send a thank you note because someone was thinking of you and went out of their way to do something nice for you. When someone does something nice for you, you say "thank you". And when someone thanks you for doing something nice, you say, "You're welcome". How hard is that? The words "excuse me" and "please" are very handy, too.

And don't get me started on the grocery store. I can't count the number of times I've seen little old ladies in the middle of a crowded aisle, stretching to their full 4 feet in height, desperately reaching for that container stored all the way on the tippy top shelf with not a single soul offering to help. One little old man actually tried climbing up onto the refrigerator unit in the dairy aisle to reach a yogurt. It took all of 2 seconds of my time to say, "Oh, let me help you with that. Which one would you like?" At first his face registered shock and disbelief that I actually offered to help, and then his face glowed with the sheer joy of being helped. The look on his and his wife's faces lifted my spirits for the rest of the day.

While waiting to deplane on a recent airline flight, I saw an older woman trying to snag the handles of her carry on luggage with the hook of her cane because she couldn't bend over to pick it up with her hands. There were about 20 people standing around gawking at her, yet no one offered to help. So I stopped in the aisle (much to the dismay of all the people behind me who had very important places to be in a very big hurry), and said, "Please let me hand that to you" while picking the bag up for her to take. Again, disbelief showed on her face, followed by utter joy. Now was that so hard?

I'm sorry for ranting (apologizing seems to be another lost art, by the way), but I've found that more and more of us are being rude to each other more and more often these days, and I think it's time to stop. I've been busy teaching Religious Education to First Graders this past week, and if they can remember to use their good manners, the rest of us can, too. I don't care what your religion, when or where you were born and raised, or what your financial status, you can be polite to those around you - and that includes friends, strangers, AND family members.

We all want to be liked. We all want to matter. We all want to be acknowledged. We all want to have friends. We all want to be loved for who we are. And, as I've been teaching my students, we are all important and special in the eyes of God. If God says we're valuable, who are we to argue or treat each other as anything less than special?

So please, go out there and be kind. Use your good manners. Remember those magic words that Mom taught you - please and thank you - and use them often. Treat your friends and family the way you would like to be treated, and if, by chance, you mess up, say you're sorry. When someone apologizes to you, open your heart and extend your forgiveness. We're all human and we all make mistakes (yeah, I know some of them are whoppers, but, hey, some of us take a little longer to catch on than others).

Thank you for reading.

Funny Summer Happenings

When I started this blog, I promised myself that I would post at least once a week so that: (1) there would be plenty of new stuff to keep readers coming back and, hopefully, recommending the blog to their friends, and (2) I could exercise my writing skills on a regular basis and see where my meanderings might take me. As my Thursday self-imposed deadline fast approached with no great inspiration anywhere in sight, I started slipping into disappointment until it dawned on me that everyone needs a few days off now and then...especially in the summer.

As I spent the morning blowing bubbles with my children (keeping the vow that I made earlier in the Spring - yea me!), I realized that I've been chuckling at myself as I tackle outdoor chores lately (which is a good thing) and laughing with my boys a lot more lately (which is a very good thing). So I thought I might take a short break from ponderings and musings and share some of my chuckles with you.

We are blessed with a very prolific vegetable garden (organic, of course), and last week I noticed that the basil plants (which really resemble bushes more than plants) were beginning to flower. Since flowering takes energy away from the leaves and makes them taste bitter, I always give the plants a trim to clip the flower buds before they bloom. Last week we had a blistering heatwave and the last place I wanted to be during the day was under the hot sun in the garden, so I decided to wait until early evening to venture out and trim the basil. There I was, round about sundown, happily snipping away and humming in the garden, when the old tv show, The Addams Family, popped into my head.

The Addams family would stay inside all day and go out to moon bathe at night. Morticia, the Mom, used to prune her roses by snipping off the flowers and commenting on how lovely the thorns were that year. What started out as a logical progression for me and my garden tending, ended up rather funny as the tv show's theme song ran through my head...finger snapping and all. There I was, alone in the garden, nearly in the dark, happily cutting flowers off of plants, chuckling to myself. The more I chuckled, the more I realized how silly I looked, and I ended up laughing at myself even more...which, of course, made the whole scene spiral into complete silliness. Maybe you had to be there.

Then there was the mouse in the compost bin. We have 3 large wooden compost boxes and, unfortunately, mice love to chew through wood to get to our kitchen scraps. Aside from Mickey, I don't really like mice very much at all. Anything that scurries give me the creeps, and mice are exceptionally good at scurrying - ergo, they gotta go.

There I was at about 9:00 this morning (trying to beat the heat on the other side of Noon this time) hauling the (mostly) finished compost from the bin into the garden. If anyone remembers the theme song to Green Acres, feel free to start humming it right about now. My pitchfork is used so often, the tines are still shiny. Luckily, the bin was nearly empty, so I switched to the coal shovel to transfer the last of the compost into my trusty wheelbarrow, when I heard a high pitched squeak and saw a little brown mouse scurrying around the bin, frantically looking for a hiding spot. I let out a hoot, dropped the shovel (with a rather loud clang, I might add), jumped back about 3 feet and managed to squelch the urge to frantically look for a hiding spot of my own. Instead, I assessed my options and took the more mature route of carefully setting my shovel into the wheelbarrow and walking away until later, but not until I announced to the mouse that I was leaving and it was cordially invited to exit my compost bin. I hope no one saw me talking to a wooden box.

About 3 hours later (hey, I wasn't taking any chances!), I announced to my boys, "Ok, here's the plan." They know their Mom well enough to know that those words are not usually a good omen for them, so they looked at me with more than a little trepidation and just silently awaited the announcement of their upcoming fate. "Once you're finished with your ice pops, you're going to come stand by the compost bins to give me moral support." After a 3 minute conversation explaining the concept of "moral support", and after another 5 minutes of explaining why I needed it ("Well how big is this mouse, anyway?" "It's really small, but creepy."), we set off to confront the rodent.

I carried the tarp, #1 son carried the rake, and #2 son scouted out a good location - out of the way of rampaging mice, yet still within viewing distance. I laid the tarp out in front of the bin, climbed up on top of the adjoining bin and grabbed the rake (yup, I looked pretty silly standing on top of a compost bin with a rake in my hands). My plan was to rake the last of the compost out onto the tarp; thus encouraging the mouse, if it was still there, to relocate. But I needed to be away from the front of the bin so that the mouse wouldn't have to run past me. Don't even think about asking what I would have done if the mouse decided to run up the side of the bin and out over the top...I shudder at the thought.

Well, all of this drama ended rather anticlimactically (thank goodness!) because the mouse was no where to be seen...even though #2 son yelled "Mouse!" once or twice while I raked, just to torment me. Unbelievably, neither of my children found this episode bizarre; they just shrugged, accepted my heartfelt thanks for their support, and went back to blowing bubbles...blissfully unaware that not one of their schoolmates will ever have an experience anything like this...ever. Am I a great Mom or what?

So there you have some of my silly doings over the last couple of weeks. It's important not to take ourselves too seriously - we all get ourselves into funny predicaments and we all need to laugh our way out of them. May we all see the humor in our everyday comings and goings, and may we share them with abandon and laugh our way through the year.

Make the Most of What You've Got

It's been a hot and humid week here in the Northeast with daily heat and health advisories. Everyone's complaining about the weather and doing their best to beat the heat. Of course, we are the same folks who complained about the cold, ice, and snow just 6 short months ago...funny how that happens.

Anyway, instead of complaining, I decided to go with the heat and use it to my advantage. One day my son and I dragged all of our throw rugs and area rugs out onto the driveway and washed them all down. Slung over the swing set and backs of chairs, they dried in no time. We made sure to have a water fight in the midst of it all, just to make it more fun, and once we were wet it was rather pleasant outside. In fact, we celebrated the completion of our chore by sitting outside and sharing some ice pops. It was great!

The next day I did lots of laundry and hung it all outside on the clothesline. Why pay to make more heat with the dryer when nature was making too much heat outside for free? As soon as one load was done in the washer, the previous load was bone dry on the line. Easy as pie, I had all of our laundry washed, folded, and put away - including all the bed sheets - and it cost me next to nothing.

So I got to thinking (as is my usual habit) about turning disadvantages into advantages in other areas of life...you know, the old "If God gives you lemons, make lemonade" way of thinking. Sometimes it's as easy as shifting your perspective. Sometimes it takes a little thought and cleverness (like getting your children to help with a boring and mundane chore during a heatwave). Sometimes it takes a bit of creativity. Sometimes it takes a loving nudge in the right direction from a loved one. Sometimes it takes persistence, willpower, and some emotional flexibility. But it always ends up more than worth while and much better than you ever could have imagined.

So why don't we do it more often? Why are we stuck in the moaning and groaning rut? Why don't we quit the bellyaching and get into a positive frame of mind more quickly? Why don't we nudge and encourage each other more often?

Is it resistance to change? Are we so used to feeling helpless and crummy, we don't even realize that there's another alternative? Is it inertia? It's easier to do the same thing we've always done, rather than changing and trying something new? Is it lack of vision? We just can't seem to see or imagine any other alternative? Is it lack of spiritual or emotional confidence? If I try some new way and it doesn't work out very well, will anyone be there to support me, pick me up, or cheer me on? Are we stuck in the blame game? I can't do this or that because it's too hot/too cold, too early/too late, too hard/ridiculously easy, or he/she/it makes it impossible for me.

Whatever it is that's holding us back, it's time to flip those negatives into positives and pop ourselves into a new and better groove. It's time to take an honest look at what we've got to work with at any given moment and turn it to our advantage. It's time to make the most of what we've got. Why? Because life is too short to wallow in self-pity and negativity. Because we are role models for all the children around us, and we want them to learn how to make the most out of their lives. And because it's so much more fun to enjoy what we have and where we are than it is to be grousing all the time.

Where do we begin? It's always best to start with something small, so the next time you hear yourself complaining about the heat, go wash something outside...and get yourself wet, too...and maybe enjoy an ice pop. The next time you think, "oh no!" when you see a snow storm, notice how beautiful the bare tree limbs look blanketed with snow. Maybe even bundle up and stand outside for a bit enjoying the hushed silence a snow storm brings and get some fresh air into your lungs while you're at it.

Once you've stopped blaming the weather for all sorts of inconveniences in your life, try your hand at something a little more challenging. When you hit an emotional roadblock, sit back, take a breath, and decide to look for alternatives. Notice that you don't have to commit to any course of action, just look for a different route. Say a prayer, ask a friend for advice, or just decide to be open to different possibilities.

Did you ever look at your house from your neighbor's yard or look at your neighborhood on Google Earth? Doesn't it look really different from those perspectives? Well, imagine your situation from your neighbor's point of view or from a bird's eye view. Maybe you'll see something totally different than you usually do and it will help you flip an emotional negative into a positive.

Let yourself imagine what it might be like to react differently than you usually do. If you're shy, imagine what it would be like to walk into a room full of people and say hello to someone. I'm not saying you have to actually do it, I'm just saying imagine what it might be like to try it and have it go well. If you're impatient with lines and waiting your turn, imagine how much nicer it would be to be unfazed by an unexpected slowdown, and how much more pleasant your exchanges with people around you might be.

I think, in the end, it's all about understanding that we are not in control of life, its processes, events, or other people. I think, in the end, it's all about understanding that we can only control our own selves and our own reactions, and surrendering to that reality. But that's a whole other discussion for a whole new post.

Until then, get out there and make the most of what you've got, no matter what it is.

Wisdom

About 15 years ago, I was coming out of a concert with a friend of mine and we were noticing that we were probably the oldest people in the whole arena. She turned to me and said, "Don't you wish we could be that young again?" and I immediately (and truthfully) replied, "No." My friend gave me a funny look, so I told her that my teens and twenties were full of rough times that I don't ever want to relive, but, more importantly, I now have wisdom that I could not possibly have had at that age.

Today I'm celebrating my 50th birthday (which is why age has been on my mind!), and I have to tell you that while it feels a little odd to have the word "fifty" attached to the words "I am", I'm truly happy to be exactly where I am now.

Our culture is so focused on youth and the external veneer of looking young, from cosmetics to plastic surgery and everything in between. But a veneer is just that - it's not solid and real, it's a deception, a denial of real life. Personally, I prefer to focus on the internal...to feel strong and energetic, happy and carefree, grateful and hopeful. I live by the theory that how I am feeling and living on the inside will just naturally be revealed on the outside. I also look for and embrace Life Lessons, which bring learning and growing, knowledge, and wisdom.

I cherish wisdom for the many gifts that it brings:
- deep, deep gratitude for where I am, physically and spiritually
- deep gratitude for the people who share my daily journey...my husband and children
- deep gratitude for my extended family and my dearest friends
- an understanding that not every battle needs to be fought
- true patience with life's annoyances because, as my Mom used to say, "This, too, shall pass"
- the understanding that I am not obliged to agree with others' opinions of me or my work
- a deep trust in my intuition, my gut feel, my hunches, and my connection to the Divine
- the knowledge that kindness and pure intentions win out over belligerence and deception every time
- the ability to shift my point of view, to look at a situation from a different angle, to see choices where others might say there are none
- the understanding that, while I may not be able to change a situation, I can always change my reaction to it
- the ability to live, act, speak, and walk with grace

Yup, today I turn 50 and I do not accept the notion that age necessitates decrepitude. Rather, I embrace the wisdom of the elders and I look forward to many more years of experience and learning, and many more birthdays to celebrate.

When your next birthday rolls around, may you have the wisdom to do the same.

Valuable You

In the midst of all of my family's End-of-the-School-Year activities, I've been mulling over what I wanted to say next on this blog, and it was my 5th grader's teachers and bus driver who finally inspired me. Of course, they have no idea they did this, and that makes their seed of inspiration that much more powerful.

Whenever teachers and parents get together, they naturally talk about the children. Parents want to get the "inside scoop" of what goes on in the classroom and how their child is doing, and teachers look for ways to compliment and encourage the parents and student.

We all know that a good student is a joy to teach and a valuable asset to any classroom, but what makes a "good student"? Well, in various conversations this afternoon, I heard the teachers saying things like, she's so caring and sensitive, he has a heart of gold, she's wonderfully conscientious, it was so nice to see how s/he really opened up during the year, and I wish we had a classroom full of students like him. The teachers were grateful for good behavior, but they were really focusing in on character traits and on who the children are and what's in their hearts and souls. I never once heard, oh she's a great student because her clothes are so nice, oh he has the most expensive school supplies, or she has the best backpack. It even sounds silly to read things like that, doesn't it?

That observation lead me to think about people, in general. We all know that a good person is a joy to be around and a valuable asset to the neighborhood and community. So what makes a "good person"? If we follow the lead of my son's teachers, a good person is defined by their character and what's in their heart and soul.

Do we always live as though that's true? Do we believe, and live as though, our value lies within our hearts and souls, or are we focused on the outward symbols and signs of success and wealth? Are we happy with what we have or always looking to accumulate the latest and greatest? And when we get the latest and greatest, do we share them to spread the joy or are we really just showing off? Are we keeping to our budgets or "keeping up with the Joneses"?

I think it might be wise to follow the lead of our teachers and spend more time finding and appreciating the goodness in our hearts. Instead of accumulating more material things, we should accumulate more good friends and good relationships. Instead of tallying up our millions of dollars, we should tally up our hours of service to others. Instead of worrying about having all that everyone else has, we should worry about alleviating the stress that others may be carrying. Instead of teaching our children that more is better through our buying habits and actions, we should be teaching them that less is more when it comes to material possessions, and more is better when it comes to love, affection, caring, listening, and time spent together.

We are born, after all, with just our hearts and souls. When we die, we re-enter the Spiritual World not with the physical possessions that we've accumulated, but with the wisdom and knowledge we have accumulated through the use of our special God given talents and gifts.

The treasures in life can not be purchased, horded, held, or seen. The true treasures in life are felt in our hearts, known to our souls, and given away as much and as often as possible.

I ask you to look within and ponder your greatness. Appreciate what makes you a "good person". Then go and be the treasure to this world that you were born to be.

Adapting to Change

There's a Joni Mitchell song with the lyrics, "Don't it always seem to go that we don't know what we've got 'till it's gone." How true that is in so many ways. The song was written as a lament about people's destruction of the environment (the next line is, "They paved paradise and put up a parking lot" Feel free to hum along as you read...I know I'll be humming as I type!), but I find that it applies equally well to so very many areas of our lives.

Parents of newborns and infants crave a good night's sleep and hands-free child care, while parents of older children wish they could hold their babies again. Parents of toddlers would love to sit still for more than 30 seconds and long to have their children occupy themselves, while parents of teens wish for the days when their children were underfoot and they knew exactly what they were up to...and with whom.

We spend years going through school with our classmates and can't wait to graduate and get away from them all, only to spend oodles of money and time travelling to and attending class reunions. Some people marry, divorce, and then remarry their ex-spouse. I guess they couldn't stand being married to and then couldn't stand being divorced from the other person.

Life is all about change and phases, growth and movement and sometimes, actually oftentimes, it's hard to adapt. Why is that? Is it that change implies a loss of some kind? Does growth mean the new has to push out the old and leave it behind? If the old isn't useful anymore, then it should be left behind, right? It's like baby teeth being pushed out and replaced by adult teeth. It's a good thing, but it still hurts and sometimes bleeds.

Do we perceive change as a negative thing because we focus on what's gone instead of the new, perhaps better opportunity that's on its way into our lives? And why are we reluctant to let the old go? Perhaps it's because we didn't fully appreciate it while we had it. Or maybe we really did appreciate what we had at the time that we had it, so we don't want to be without it. Maybe we'll have to change our daily routines and habits in order to hang on to whatever it is that's ready to go, and that in itself brings change into our lives. Oh my, I'm getting myself dizzy!

In case it's not obvious, I'm taking a song lyric about something physical and applying it to the more emotional areas of our lives. This all came about because friends of ours will be moving across the country in a few weeks. Our 5th graders went to preschool together and while I don't see them every day, it has always been a highlight of my day to get together at school functions or bump into each other around town. I had to say goodbye to my friend last night and it brought me to tears, which have lasted into today.

Overall, this move is good for my friends, but I'm emotionally stuck in the pain of losing their physical nearness in the neighborhood. I don't want to see all the good things in this move. I'm missing them before they have even left the state. Yes, we can email and write and visit, but we all know, even as we say these things, that it's not the same...and perhaps it shouldn't be. It's time for them to move and grow and embrace new experiences, much like a young adult moving out and heading off to college. The parents know they'll be home again, but not for long and not for good, and it really won't be the same.

So how do we deal with these changes that life brings us? First, I think we need to spend some time feeling, really feeling, whatever emotions we have. Emotions need to be recognized and lived and felt, not ignored and stuffed. I think the process of feeling and walking through the emotions leads us to a place of acceptance where we can see the good in the change that we're facing. But before all of that, I feel we'd all be better off if we took the time to really appreciate all that we have right now in our lives.

I'm back to gratitude. Gratitude for the big things and the small things and all the things in between. Be aware, be present, be grateful. Be honest and truthful, with yourself and with others. Be kind and helpful. Be the person you would like to have as a friend. Tell your friends how much you care. Tell your family that you love them. Hug your children, no matter how old or how tall they are. Notice and appreciate everything and everyone in your life.

Capture each moment in your memory and cherish it, for changes are coming. Changes are always coming. Love where you are so that you'll be ready to grow and shift when you need to. Know, truly know what you have before it's gone, and maybe, just maybe, the really important things won't disappear at all.

Roots & Wings

Somewhere in the back of my mind sits a quote I read several years ago encouraging parents to provide 2 things for their children: roots and wings. The roots are to keep them grounded and the wings are to allow them to take flight into adulthood. I like that idea and I strive to provide both for my own children, but I'm beginning to wonder if our conventional notion of roots and wings are broad or deep enough.

When I think of roots, I envision a stately shade tree rooted in the Earth, stable and steady, strong and tall. I picture a network of roots, deep and wide, anchoring the tree in place year after year. When I think of roots, I also envision shrubs and wildflowers planted on hillsides and beside highways, lush and beautiful in the summer sun. Not only do their roots anchor the plants to the ground, they also serve to hold the soil in place, keeping erosion under control. Roots anchor, hold, and provide a sturdy foundation upon which to grow.

When I think of my husband and I "putting down roots", I think of settling into a neighborhood, buying a house, and turning that house into our cozy home. Our home is the stable foundation for our family, anchoring us in place. It's where we keep our favorite stuff, the place where we live and eat and sleep, our safe haven in the world. But once we've created our cozy nest for ourselves, are we done? Is that all there is to providing roots for ourselves and our children? Are our roots in just one physical place? No, I think there's much more to it than that.

I believe there's an unseen emotional and psychological component to our roots, not just the physical or tangible. Our roots include our family members, immediate and extended, and the relationships we have together. They include our history, our shared memories, our celebrations, our habits and traditions, and our stories. In fact, more than roots, I think we create a web that acts like a safety net to catch us when we fall, a trampoline on which to play and experiment and flex our muscles, and a wonderful trellis that supports us as we climb to reach our greatest aspirations.

I believe that we all, no matter what our age, need to recognize, honor, and nurture our root system (and our web) in order to continue to stand tall and strong. We do this by learning about and remembering our past, sharing what we've learned, and passing it on. We do this by gathering together, on a regular basis, to celebrate, to talk, to listen, to make new memories, and just to spend time together.

Our emotional roots and webs, when well-nurtured, know no distance and no bounds. They are long and wide enough to reach over miles and miles of geographical distance and flexible enough to bend and twist through time. They are strong enough to hold 2 people or 2002, and they don't care if family members are related by blood or simply by love.

So I give my children roots by providing a loving, cozy, home for them. I also give them roots (and a web) by bringing them to family gatherings of all kinds, in all different locations, to give them the gift of time to spend with the people who love them just because they were born.

What about wings? Wings allow us to fly off into independence and our adulthood. I also think that wings lift us up so that we can see the big picture to better understand our place in the world. They take us on new adventures and to new places, both physical and spiritual, so that we may encounter new ideas that we can integrate into our own lives and different points of view to broaden our thinking and tolerance. Perhaps most importantly of all, wings bring us back to where we started, so that we can truly appreciate how far we've come, how much we've grown, and how many people are still here to love and support us. Wings carry us back to our roots so that we may refresh, replenish our energy, regroup, and reaffirm our connections to one another.

I'm helping my children exercise and strengthen their wings in the hopes that they will follow my lead, not only by soaring to their greatest possible heights, but by returning, time and again, to the places and people where it all began.

Clear the Clutter

Yesterday was Memorial Day - our unofficial end of Spring and beginning of Summer. I was all set to throw up my arms and shout "Hooray!" when I realized what that means...I'm behind on my Spring Cleaning! Well how did that happen? I was doing so well in March and even into April...sorting out, finding "lost" stuff, filing away, clearing closets, giving away, donating all over the place - I was a veritable white tornado. Then April slipped into May (and now into June, but don't remind me) and I lost my oomph. I was cheered by the thought that Spring doesn't officially end until June 21st, so I actually have a few more weeks before declaring myself delinquent, but that joy was kind of short-lived. After all, it's just procrastination disguised as astute Solstice observance. What am I procrastinating about, anyway?

Just look at my sewing room. It's the only room in my house that's mine, mine, all mine...no boys allowed and it's a cluttered mess with ugly piles of "stuff" everywhere, and there's only one person responsible for it all - me. Bummer. So why don't I just clean it up and enjoy the spacious, organized, creative room of my dreams? Because it's easier to keep things the same (even if we say we don't like the way things are) than it is to take a risk and make an effort to change.

Then I got to thinking (no, really, I was thinking, not just procrastinating some more) that maybe our aversion to clearing out the physical clutter in our lives is not much different from our aversion to clearing out the emotional clutter in our lives. Just as we have old stuff hanging around that's really not useful to us anymore, we probably have old thought patterns and beliefs (about ourselves, mostly) that really ought to go, too. You know the ones I mean - those negative things we tell ourselves all the time, like "I'm not good at that" or "I'm too old for this" or "I can't" or "But what if they don't like me" or "I'm not smart enough" or maybe the worst one of all, "I'm not worth it".

I say it's high time we all decided to clear the clutter of tired, worn out, completely unnecessary negative self-talk. Be strong! Be ruthless! Be stingy - don't give it away! Just pull it out into the open and get rid of it once and for all!

"I'm not good at that"
We are all, each and every one of us, good at something and, luckily, we're all good at different things. God gave each of us talents and gifts to share with each other. That's right, you got some and I got some and that crabby person in front of you on line at the store got some, too. Now that you cleaned those pesky negative phrases out of your emotional closet, you might be better able to see your talents hiding in the back. Pull them out into the light, dust them off, celebrate and share them with the world!

"I can't"
Why say you can't when you haven't even tried. Isn't that silly? I'm not saying to live in a fantasy world. For instance, I know that at this moment in time, I can not skate as fast as an Olympic speed skater, but I can ice skate and I do have fun skating with my children. I know that my quilts would not earn a blue ribbon if I had them judged, but I can make lovely quilts and I don't really care what some quilt judge might have to say about them. I know I'm not an award winning chef, but I can cook and my family is well-fed, well-nourished and happy with the meals I prepare. We don't always have to be the best of the best in every facet of life. Sometimes "good enough" is terrific and trying and practicing is even better.

"But what if they don't like me"
What if they do? Won't that be fun? You won't know until you try. And so what if they don't? Who are "they" anyway, and who says they know anything about anything? Does one person's negative opinion change who you are? Do all of your talents, all of your loved ones, all of your friends disappear because one person decides not to like you for whatever reason? Be the best you can be and let others do as they will. If they don't like you it's probably because they have tons of clutter in their emotional closets! Be grateful yours is getting clearer every day and just go around those who might be stuck.

"I'm not worth it"
This is right up there with "I'm not good enough" and "I don't deserve..." and it's an easy trap to fall into, but I'm here to tell you that it's just complete nonsense. Let me offer you a challenge. Think of someone in your life who loves you very much. Maybe it's a child or grandchild, maybe it's your spouse, maybe it's your best girlfriend, or maybe it's your parent. I'll bet they're very special to you and you respect their opinion. Right? Now look at yourself through their eyes. What do you see? Better yet - what does your heart "see"... and feel?

Put those images, words, phrases, and feelings into your emotional toolbox and let them help push the negatives out. Go back to them often and know that your one special someone is always in your corner supporting you. Then go find another special someone who you can support and let them look at themselves through your loving eyes.

Whether it's Spring or Summer, early or late, clear the clutter and pass it on.

Don't Take Life For Granted

When I became pregnant with my first child, I decided to become a full-time, stay at home Mom. I knew I was very fortunate to be able to make that choice (financially) and once my son was born, I was very happy not to be a working Mom. When my second son was born, I felt even more blessed to have the financial security to continue to be a full-time Mom, and I was even more thrilled with my decision to turn my back on corporate life in order to open my arms and my heart to my children.

I've been keeping the home fires burning for about 11 years now, and I've learned a lot about taking things for granted...mostly because I often feel that all of my work and effort are taken for granted within our little family. Clothes are magically cleaned, folded and put away. Favorite foods appear in the fridge and the pantry. Dirty dishes disappear from the sink and dishwasher, magically reappearing in the cabinets, all sparkling clean. Floors clean themselves, errands are run, birthday presents bought and wrapped, library books returned, and school supplies (even those last minute project supplies) magically show up at just the right moment.

Of course, you and I know there's nothing "magic" about running a household - Mom does it all. So I grouse now and then, as most Moms probably do, and then I get a little more help, but, in time, it dwindles back down until the next time I grouse. Between you and me, my grousing probably coincides with phases of the moon, but I haven't taken the time to pin that down as of yet.

All of that said, I must admit that I am just as guilty of taking things for granted myself, and I find that it takes a bit of a nudge to realize and admit it. As a stay at home Mom, I can go to the grocery stores on a mid-week morning and cruise through pretty effortlessly. I take that for granted until I make the mistake of trying to zip through on a Sunday afternoon. There is no such thing as "zipping through" the parking lot, let alone the store itself, on a weekend. My time during the day is pretty flexible, which allows me to volunteer a great deal in my boys' schools and to generally "be available" for whatever presentation or show crops up. I take that flexibility for granted until I bump into a conflict that I just can't clear, and I realize how fortunate I usually am. I take my health and stamina for granted until I'm knocked down by something major, like bronchitis, or even a more minor sinus infection. Worse than that, I take my children's health for granted until I see or hear stories of seriously or terminally ill children.

It's human nature, I suppose, to expect, without even thinking about it, that life will go on tomorrow just as it does today. It's human nature, I suppose, to think that we are in the absolute worst situation of anyone on the planet, until we hear of the tragedy that someone else is dealing with. It's human nature, I suppose, to expect others to lift us up when we need it without ever offering to lift anyone else, or to expect that all that needs to be done will be done without our hands getting dirty. Perhaps it's human nature, but that doesn't make it right.

This planet that we live on and this life that we have are very precious and very fragile. The children that we are blessed with are incredibly precious...and they can be fragile, too. Our family ties, whether it's family we're born into or family we choose, are priceless. Our time with one another is limited in so many ways, so it must be savored, cherished, and treasured.

But how do we stop taking life for granted and begin enjoying it more? Gratitude. Start small and work your way up. Instead of complaining about all that went wrong, be grateful for the little things that go right in your day - your children got to the bus stop on time, there's just enough milk for your coffee, and you sailed through 3 green lights on your way to wherever (probably to buy more milk!). Be grateful for things that others do for you and say "thank you"...preferably with a real, honest to goodness smile on your face. Ok, maybe the smile is pushing it, but at least notice other people's efforts and say "thank you".

Be grateful for at least one thing, each and every day because that will force you to take notice. And if you're taking notice you're not taking for granted, and that will change your whole day. And when you've racked up 7 changed days, you've changed a week. And as you change your weeks, your partner and your children might just follow your lead and begin to notice and be grateful, too, so their days will change. And before you know it, we've made a real difference in each other's lives and in the world. That may not be human nature, but it surely feels right to me.

Lessons from the Garden

Among the many words I use to describe to myself, this time of year, gardener is my favorite. You know how the smell of freshly mown grass trumpets "Spring" through the air? I like that well enough, but what really gets my heart pumping is the sight and smell of freshly tilled soil. I don't see "dirt", I see opportunities, possibilities and many, many lessons, and that's my favorite part of being a gardener.

What kind of lessons can be found in the garden? Life lessons, of course! While they may often be disguised as simple plant trivia or pest control strategies, don't be fooled into thinking that God's not trying to convey a deeper meaning. For example, take the following:

You can't rush a cucumber.
Plants grow on their own schedule - not yours. Just because you've been delayed in planting your seeds or seedlings does not mean that the plants will rush to catch up to your preconceived notion of a schedule. Conversely, just because you're over anxious one year and get all those veggie seedlings in the ground a month early does not mean that you will be relishing those first cucumbers any earlier than usual. In fact, the plants may end up suffering in the oddball late frost. The gardener can not coax, cajole, bribe, or intimidate a plant into setting fruit before it is ready to do so. Cucumbers are fully developed and ready when they're ready and not 1 minute sooner.

Life lesson? Stop rushing. If it doesn't work for a cucumber, it's probably not going to work (in the long run) for people either. Life happens as it happens, other people will do as they do, so sit back, take a few deep breaths, and enjoy the ride. Let each experience in your life fully develop before you rush onto the next one. Corollary: Stop rushing your children, too....and your spouse...and your co-workers...and...well, you get the idea.

Companion planting works quite well.
Companion planting is the practice of planting different veggies and flowers right next each other to create a mutually beneficial growing environment. Corn stalks act as trellises and support for pole beans, parsley keeps tomato horn worms from eating the life out of your tomato plants, and marigolds keep all sorts of garden pests at bay while looking mighty pretty all the while.

Life lesson? Don't try to go it alone - buddy up. Companions of all shapes, sizes, and backgrounds will bring many added benefits to your life. Plus, you'll get a chance to share your special gifts and talents with them, too. And just like in the garden, the best companions provide support and keep the pests at bay. ;-)

The gardener does not have total control.
You buy the best tomato seedlings, plant them deeply in perfectly amended soil, in the perfect location where they can soak up 6 hours of sun a day, and water at the roots, just enough, but not too much. What happens next? Along comes a blight and you harvest only a few sad little tomatoes, or you're assaulted by a freak summer hail storm that knocks all the green tomatoes off the vine, or that doggone groundhog takes just 3 bites out of each and every red tomato on the vines (can you tell I've had vast experience with groundhogs over the last few years?).

Gardening, my friend, is an optimist's game. While there's a lot that can be done to ensure a successful harvest, there is almost just as much that is totally out of the gardener's hands. We can only do our best and let nature take care of the rest.

Life lesson? Give up the need to constantly be in control of every piddly little detail in life. In fact, sometimes it's good to give up control of some big things, too. I know you're wondering who'll take control if we let it go. God, of course. Or the Creator, or your Higher Power, or the Universe...whatever name you choose to use for the One who made us and all that's around us. For just like gardening, life is an optimist's game. No one gets out alive. Take a chance and let someone else drive for a bit - I think you'll find it's a nice change of pace.

There's always more than enough to share.
When it comes to gardens and sharing, I have one word for you - zucchini. Fellow gardeners know exactly what I mean...no matter how few plants we plant each year, we end up with pounds and pounds of this prolific little beauty. Non-gardeners know exactly what I mean because every year their well-meaning gardening friends bring pounds and pounds of these little green beauties into work each and every day looking for a good home for them...preferably yours!

No matter how small a garden we have, even if it's a balcony garden grown in pots, there is always plenty to eat with more than enough to share. Gardeners hate to see the fruits of their labor go to waste, and, in all honesty, sharing helps us show off a little bit, too.

Life lesson? There's always more than enough to share. Whether it's our time, our knowledge, our patience, our talents, our laughter, our tears, our hopes, our dreams, or (especially) our love. There's always more than enough to share.

Be Careful What You Wish For & Make Some Lemonade

In my last post, I was talking about how tired I am of rushing around and how I'm vowing to slow down. Well, God took me at my word (be careful what you wish for!). Last night my youngest got sick, so I kept him home from school today. It turns out, he's fine and will most likely head back to school tomorrow, but my plans for the day flew out the window, which turned out to be a glorious change of pace.

It's just about Noon and, so far, my son and I have talked over a leisurely breakfast, played 4 board games, watched a Rolie Polie Ollie video (well, mostly he watched it, but I enjoyed hearing the familiar voices and story line), and enjoyed lunch together. We've shared lots of smiles and laughter, lots of hugs and cuddles, and I even managed to sneak in several loads of laundry! He's now happily playing a computer game, which gives me some Mom time. I hope to wrap this up and get some quilting time in before our afternoon round of board games begins.

I'm sorry that my little one is under the weather, but I am so very thrilled to have him home with me. I'm enjoying the best moments of his preschool days all over again, and it's heaven. What started as an "Oh no!" kind of night has turned into a day of parenting bliss. I gave in to God and gave up the rushing and the stress. I'm ignoring the To Do list and making my son my focus today, and that feels oh so very right in my heart and soul. We have a whole day to just be - what a gift!

My experience today has reaffirmed my vow to slow down and focus on what's really important in life. I thought God gave me a bushel of lemons last night, but we've managed to make lemonade, and I'm enjoying it immensely. Life is too short to constantly rush through it. Children grow and change so quickly. Soak up and savor every ounce of sweetness while they're little. Not only will it make your life more vibrant, it will lead to happy and well-balanced children who will learn to be kind and nurturing people. One day you may need that from them.

Off I go to sew a little thread and to sow some more sunshine!

Stop & Smell the Roses

It's a cold and rainy Tuesday in May. The dog's crossing his legs so he doesn't have to venture out in the rain. The children are tired of rushing off to school and rushing back to face homework. Dad's working long hours and travelling a lot, and Mom's just plain burned out and sick of the whole grind. I guess that makes us a typical suburban family of four....plus dog.

We seem to be rushing more and more as the months go by. Rush to get up and get ready for school. Rush to run errands and do the 18 million chores I need to do to keep the household running before the boys get home from school. Rush to prepare dinner, then rush to clean up the kitchen after dinner and help with homework. Rush the boys through showers and PJs so they can have 30 minutes to read before we rush to do lights out and go to sleep so that we can rush to wake up and start all over again the next day!

Is it any wonder I'm burned out and sick of it all? What happened to fun and family time? Call me crazy, but I don't consider studying for tests or reviewing homework to be great Mother/Son bonding time. What happened to the wonder of childhood, the freedom to explore and question, time to lay in the grass and see what kind of images the clouds can form, or time to wander through the library discovering authors we've never read? We rush and hurry and hurry and rush like the White Rabbit in Alice and Wonderland. Where did all that rushing get him, anyway? I probably rushed through that book and can't remember!

There was a time, not too terribly long ago, when I walked 3 or 4 times a week. I walked for the good of my health, but also to get out and about and away from my desk. People told me I should really be jogging - it's so much better for your heart, they would say. But I preferred walking precisely because it was slower so I could take the time to see things. Over time, I watched buds form on trees and grow into leaves. I watched flowers bloom and noticed when homeowners planted new patches of grass. I noticed new patterns of sun and shade as the months went by, then watched the leaves change color and fall to the ground. In short, I noticed the cycles of nature and life, and I loved it. Time seemed to move more slowly and I seemed to have lots of time to do what I needed to do. What happened?

As I watched a dinosaur movie at the Science Center today, I realized that time is moving at the same rate it always has...I haven't seen any news flashes that the day now has 20 hours instead of 24 or that the year now has 300 days instead of 365. Well, I reasoned, if time is moving at the same rate, then it must be me who's moving faster and faster. So why don't I just slow down?
And if I slow down won't my children follow in my footsteps? Do we really have to DO so many things? Can't we simply put aside some time to just BE? Hmmmmm.

Yes, we're a suburban family. We rush through the school year and then rush to sign our children up for lots of summer camps, then rush to get them to and from said camps, then rush to get them back into school. This year I vow to be different.

This year I vow to limit the weeks of summer camps and days committed to someone else's schedules. This year I vow to keep some weeks sacred for simple hang around family time and risk having my children think they're bored. This year I vow to bring back the wonder and magic of childhood for my boys. I vow to remind us all to marvel at the cycles of nature, to linger in the garden without pulling weeds, to chase after butterflies, to blow bubbles all afternoon, to catch lightening bugs in the evenings, and to play games with my boys - not because they're educational or trendy or the latest and greatest, but simply because they're fun.

Then maybe, just maybe, I'll have the wisdom and courage to say "no" to more obligations when the school year begins again. And maybe, just maybe, next year won't be so rushed.

Perhaps you'll consider joining me in this vow? Perhaps we can all stop and smell the roses a bit more. Better yet, perhaps we can actually plant some roses!

For the Love of Words

There's a newsletter I receive every month that has a section called "Why I Write" where members submit short essays about what compels them to write. Sometimes I read it, but mostly I think about what my essay might look like, if I chose to submit one.

So why do I write? My answers shift from time to time, but mostly I've realized that I have always written and always loved the process of wiggling the pen on the paper and watching a page become filled with my words. Somewhere along the line, I discovered that the written word is very powerful - it can stir emotion, push people into action, shift attitudes and points of view, and even give birth to a new nation.

Why is that? Words, after all, are just ink symbols on a page, modern glyphs. No, the written word is more than that. Writing is the hard copy, the tangible, lasting form of the spoken word, and the spoken word is mighty powerful indeed. Words have energy, they carry and convey emotion, they express our thoughts, and sometimes, form our opinions. Words and thoughts influence our facial expressions, our body language, even our actions.

In my life, as I'm sure is true in yours, I've been both stung and uplifted by another's words. My children's verbal and written expressions of love and affection bring me to tears, friends' words of encouragement keep me moving when I feel tired and stuck, compliments bring smiles, and words of sympathy bring comfort. Words come to us from the past, like when I hear my Mom's voice saying "A thought is a prayer" when someone has been on my mind, or when I hear a favorite High School teacher saying "Your writing is beautiful" when I find myself wondering about my skills...and she was a Math teacher.

Yes, words have immense power, and so what are we to do with them? Well, I try to be careful with the words I choose to share with the world, both publicly and privately. I teach my children that words have energy, both positive and negative, and it's our responsibility to opt for the positive as often as possible (that's why name calling is so harmful). It's easy to be careful with our words when we're happy and calm. It's much, much more difficult to be mindful of our words when we're angry or hurt, but that's precisely when it's most important to choose our words with care. Once the hurtful, spiteful barb is let loose in the room, it's so very hard to heal the wound it has inflicted on another. My hope is that we each be a little more mindful of the words we choose to share with each other from day to day.

So I write for the love of words, for their influence and charm, for the ability to put positive, honest energy into the world, and to share what I ponder and what I've learned, in the hope that it will help at least one other person, somewhere, somehow. And that, in a nutshell, is the whole point of this blog.