Monday, July 26, 2010

Manners, Please

Have you noticed that in recent years people have, in general, become less and less polite to one another? Have you noticed a marked decline in good manners and common courtesy? Have you noticed that everyone wants something from everyone else, but very few people are willing to give of themselves to another? Have you noticed that, in general, the workers in Customer Service departments have no clue what service means?

I have noticed all of these things and instead of getting better, I think we're getting worse. I've been trying to give people the benefit of the doubt by thinking that perhaps I've entered a stage in life where I can say that I was raised in different era, but even that's wearing thin. There's just no excuse for rudeness.

I can't tell you how many birthday party invitations I send to my boys' classmates that remain unacknowledged and unanswered. I clearly include an "RSVP by" date, along with a telephone number AND an email address. What can be easier than typing a quick note that says, "Sorry we can't come, but we hope you have a good time". My favorites are the Moms who call the morning of the party asking if it's too late for their precious little princess to join in the fun. Yes, as a matter of fact, it is too late. I'm very sorry they're disappointed, but my son was disappointed that you could not be bothered to respond over the last 2 weeks.

I can't tell you how may times my boys have attended birthday parties and never received a thank you note...not even an email thank you note, for heaven's sake. Not only is that annoying, it's rude.

If you receive an invitation, you respond. If you receive a gift (no matter how hideous you may think it is), you send a thank you note because someone was thinking of you and went out of their way to do something nice for you. When someone does something nice for you, you say "thank you". And when someone thanks you for doing something nice, you say, "You're welcome". How hard is that? The words "excuse me" and "please" are very handy, too.

And don't get me started on the grocery store. I can't count the number of times I've seen little old ladies in the middle of a crowded aisle, stretching to their full 4 feet in height, desperately reaching for that container stored all the way on the tippy top shelf with not a single soul offering to help. One little old man actually tried climbing up onto the refrigerator unit in the dairy aisle to reach a yogurt. It took all of 2 seconds of my time to say, "Oh, let me help you with that. Which one would you like?" At first his face registered shock and disbelief that I actually offered to help, and then his face glowed with the sheer joy of being helped. The look on his and his wife's faces lifted my spirits for the rest of the day.

While waiting to deplane on a recent airline flight, I saw an older woman trying to snag the handles of her carry on luggage with the hook of her cane because she couldn't bend over to pick it up with her hands. There were about 20 people standing around gawking at her, yet no one offered to help. So I stopped in the aisle (much to the dismay of all the people behind me who had very important places to be in a very big hurry), and said, "Please let me hand that to you" while picking the bag up for her to take. Again, disbelief showed on her face, followed by utter joy. Now was that so hard?

I'm sorry for ranting (apologizing seems to be another lost art, by the way), but I've found that more and more of us are being rude to each other more and more often these days, and I think it's time to stop. I've been busy teaching Religious Education to First Graders this past week, and if they can remember to use their good manners, the rest of us can, too. I don't care what your religion, when or where you were born and raised, or what your financial status, you can be polite to those around you - and that includes friends, strangers, AND family members.

We all want to be liked. We all want to matter. We all want to be acknowledged. We all want to have friends. We all want to be loved for who we are. And, as I've been teaching my students, we are all important and special in the eyes of God. If God says we're valuable, who are we to argue or treat each other as anything less than special?

So please, go out there and be kind. Use your good manners. Remember those magic words that Mom taught you - please and thank you - and use them often. Treat your friends and family the way you would like to be treated, and if, by chance, you mess up, say you're sorry. When someone apologizes to you, open your heart and extend your forgiveness. We're all human and we all make mistakes (yeah, I know some of them are whoppers, but, hey, some of us take a little longer to catch on than others).

Thank you for reading.

Friday, July 16, 2010

Funny Summer Happenings

When I started this blog, I promised myself that I would post at least once a week so that: (1) there would be plenty of new stuff to keep readers coming back and, hopefully, recommending the blog to their friends, and (2) I could exercise my writing skills on a regular basis and see where my meanderings might take me. As my Thursday self-imposed deadline fast approached with no great inspiration anywhere in sight, I started slipping into disappointment until it dawned on me that everyone needs a few days off now and then...especially in the summer.

As I spent the morning blowing bubbles with my children (keeping the vow that I made earlier in the Spring - yea me!), I realized that I've been chuckling at myself as I tackle outdoor chores lately (which is a good thing) and laughing with my boys a lot more lately (which is a very good thing). So I thought I might take a short break from ponderings and musings and share some of my chuckles with you.

We are blessed with a very prolific vegetable garden (organic, of course), and last week I noticed that the basil plants (which really resemble bushes more than plants) were beginning to flower. Since flowering takes energy away from the leaves and makes them taste bitter, I always give the plants a trim to clip the flower buds before they bloom. Last week we had a blistering heatwave and the last place I wanted to be during the day was under the hot sun in the garden, so I decided to wait until early evening to venture out and trim the basil. There I was, round about sundown, happily snipping away and humming in the garden, when the old tv show, The Addams Family, popped into my head.

The Addams family would stay inside all day and go out to moon bathe at night. Morticia, the Mom, used to prune her roses by snipping off the flowers and commenting on how lovely the thorns were that year. What started out as a logical progression for me and my garden tending, ended up rather funny as the tv show's theme song ran through my head...finger snapping and all. There I was, alone in the garden, nearly in the dark, happily cutting flowers off of plants, chuckling to myself. The more I chuckled, the more I realized how silly I looked, and I ended up laughing at myself even more...which, of course, made the whole scene spiral into complete silliness. Maybe you had to be there.

Then there was the mouse in the compost bin. We have 3 large wooden compost boxes and, unfortunately, mice love to chew through wood to get to our kitchen scraps. Aside from Mickey, I don't really like mice very much at all. Anything that scurries give me the creeps, and mice are exceptionally good at scurrying - ergo, they gotta go.

There I was at about 9:00 this morning (trying to beat the heat on the other side of Noon this time) hauling the (mostly) finished compost from the bin into the garden. If anyone remembers the theme song to Green Acres, feel free to start humming it right about now. My pitchfork is used so often, the tines are still shiny. Luckily, the bin was nearly empty, so I switched to the coal shovel to transfer the last of the compost into my trusty wheelbarrow, when I heard a high pitched squeak and saw a little brown mouse scurrying around the bin, frantically looking for a hiding spot. I let out a hoot, dropped the shovel (with a rather loud clang, I might add), jumped back about 3 feet and managed to squelch the urge to frantically look for a hiding spot of my own. Instead, I assessed my options and took the more mature route of carefully setting my shovel into the wheelbarrow and walking away until later, but not until I announced to the mouse that I was leaving and it was cordially invited to exit my compost bin. I hope no one saw me talking to a wooden box.

About 3 hours later (hey, I wasn't taking any chances!), I announced to my boys, "Ok, here's the plan." They know their Mom well enough to know that those words are not usually a good omen for them, so they looked at me with more than a little trepidation and just silently awaited the announcement of their upcoming fate. "Once you're finished with your ice pops, you're going to come stand by the compost bins to give me moral support." After a 3 minute conversation explaining the concept of "moral support", and after another 5 minutes of explaining why I needed it ("Well how big is this mouse, anyway?" "It's really small, but creepy."), we set off to confront the rodent.

I carried the tarp, #1 son carried the rake, and #2 son scouted out a good location - out of the way of rampaging mice, yet still within viewing distance. I laid the tarp out in front of the bin, climbed up on top of the adjoining bin and grabbed the rake (yup, I looked pretty silly standing on top of a compost bin with a rake in my hands). My plan was to rake the last of the compost out onto the tarp; thus encouraging the mouse, if it was still there, to relocate. But I needed to be away from the front of the bin so that the mouse wouldn't have to run past me. Don't even think about asking what I would have done if the mouse decided to run up the side of the bin and out over the top...I shudder at the thought.

Well, all of this drama ended rather anticlimactically (thank goodness!) because the mouse was no where to be seen...even though #2 son yelled "Mouse!" once or twice while I raked, just to torment me. Unbelievably, neither of my children found this episode bizarre; they just shrugged, accepted my heartfelt thanks for their support, and went back to blowing bubbles...blissfully unaware that not one of their schoolmates will ever have an experience anything like this...ever. Am I a great Mom or what?

So there you have some of my silly doings over the last couple of weeks. It's important not to take ourselves too seriously - we all get ourselves into funny predicaments and we all need to laugh our way out of them. May we all see the humor in our everyday comings and goings, and may we share them with abandon and laugh our way through the year.

Thursday, July 8, 2010

Make the Most of What You've Got

It's been a hot and humid week here in the Northeast with daily heat and health advisories. Everyone's complaining about the weather and doing their best to beat the heat. Of course, we are the same folks who complained about the cold, ice, and snow just 6 short months ago...funny how that happens.

Anyway, instead of complaining, I decided to go with the heat and use it to my advantage. One day my son and I dragged all of our throw rugs and area rugs out onto the driveway and washed them all down. Slung over the swing set and backs of chairs, they dried in no time. We made sure to have a water fight in the midst of it all, just to make it more fun, and once we were wet it was rather pleasant outside. In fact, we celebrated the completion of our chore by sitting outside and sharing some ice pops. It was great!

The next day I did lots of laundry and hung it all outside on the clothesline. Why pay to make more heat with the dryer when nature was making too much heat outside for free? As soon as one load was done in the washer, the previous load was bone dry on the line. Easy as pie, I had all of our laundry washed, folded, and put away - including all the bed sheets - and it cost me next to nothing.

So I got to thinking (as is my usual habit) about turning disadvantages into advantages in other areas of life...you know, the old "If God gives you lemons, make lemonade" way of thinking. Sometimes it's as easy as shifting your perspective. Sometimes it takes a little thought and cleverness (like getting your children to help with a boring and mundane chore during a heatwave). Sometimes it takes a bit of creativity. Sometimes it takes a loving nudge in the right direction from a loved one. Sometimes it takes persistence, willpower, and some emotional flexibility. But it always ends up more than worth while and much better than you ever could have imagined.

So why don't we do it more often? Why are we stuck in the moaning and groaning rut? Why don't we quit the bellyaching and get into a positive frame of mind more quickly? Why don't we nudge and encourage each other more often?

Is it resistance to change? Are we so used to feeling helpless and crummy, we don't even realize that there's another alternative? Is it inertia? It's easier to do the same thing we've always done, rather than changing and trying something new? Is it lack of vision? We just can't seem to see or imagine any other alternative? Is it lack of spiritual or emotional confidence? If I try some new way and it doesn't work out very well, will anyone be there to support me, pick me up, or cheer me on? Are we stuck in the blame game? I can't do this or that because it's too hot/too cold, too early/too late, too hard/ridiculously easy, or he/she/it makes it impossible for me.

Whatever it is that's holding us back, it's time to flip those negatives into positives and pop ourselves into a new and better groove. It's time to take an honest look at what we've got to work with at any given moment and turn it to our advantage. It's time to make the most of what we've got. Why? Because life is too short to wallow in self-pity and negativity. Because we are role models for all the children around us, and we want them to learn how to make the most out of their lives. And because it's so much more fun to enjoy what we have and where we are than it is to be grousing all the time.

Where do we begin? It's always best to start with something small, so the next time you hear yourself complaining about the heat, go wash something outside...and get yourself wet, too...and maybe enjoy an ice pop. The next time you think, "oh no!" when you see a snow storm, notice how beautiful the bare tree limbs look blanketed with snow. Maybe even bundle up and stand outside for a bit enjoying the hushed silence a snow storm brings and get some fresh air into your lungs while you're at it.

Once you've stopped blaming the weather for all sorts of inconveniences in your life, try your hand at something a little more challenging. When you hit an emotional roadblock, sit back, take a breath, and decide to look for alternatives. Notice that you don't have to commit to any course of action, just look for a different route. Say a prayer, ask a friend for advice, or just decide to be open to different possibilities.

Did you ever look at your house from your neighbor's yard or look at your neighborhood on Google Earth? Doesn't it look really different from those perspectives? Well, imagine your situation from your neighbor's point of view or from a bird's eye view. Maybe you'll see something totally different than you usually do and it will help you flip an emotional negative into a positive.

Let yourself imagine what it might be like to react differently than you usually do. If you're shy, imagine what it would be like to walk into a room full of people and say hello to someone. I'm not saying you have to actually do it, I'm just saying imagine what it might be like to try it and have it go well. If you're impatient with lines and waiting your turn, imagine how much nicer it would be to be unfazed by an unexpected slowdown, and how much more pleasant your exchanges with people around you might be.

I think, in the end, it's all about understanding that we are not in control of life, its processes, events, or other people. I think, in the end, it's all about understanding that we can only control our own selves and our own reactions, and surrendering to that reality. But that's a whole other discussion for a whole new post.

Until then, get out there and make the most of what you've got, no matter what it is.