The Greatest Gift You Can Give

Here we are at the end of another year. The Holiday rush is winding down. Cards have been mailed, cookies have been baked and shared (and eaten!), gifts have been unwrapped, toys are being played with, and, here in the Northeast, we're digging out of the blizzard of 2010.

Christmas is a memory now, but this year has to go down as one of the best I've had in a while. We celebrated the holiday with family, as we always do, but somehow, this year held a special magic with extra doses of fun and laughter. I've spent the last few days trying to figure out what was different this year, and I think it may be that, 'round about Thanksgiving, I made a conscious decision not to stress. As the Whos down in Whoville taught the Grinch, Christmas would come whether there were boxes and bows, cards and cookies, or not. So I decided to do the best that I could do, not try to live up to some unrealistic, self-imposed expectation, and not worry about it.

As it turns out, I still managed to get all of the things done that I usually do (even if some things got done a bit later than usual) and I managed to actually enjoy it more. Just as the Whos sang on Christmas morning, even without any of the "stuff" that they usually had for Christmas, my heart sang because it was lighter. It was the best gift I've given to myself in some time, and it was a gift to those around me, as well.

Since I wasn't all tied up in knots about what did or didn't get done, I could take in all the joy that Christmas brings, but mostly, being calmer allowed me to see that the best gifts aren't just things. The best gifts are the love, patience, and understanding that we give to one another, and we bestow those gifts by giving of our time and our thoughtfulness.

It is said that actions speak louder than words, so where we put our time and attention speaks volumes about what, and who, is really important to us. Giving Christmas presents is fun, and there's nothing like watching a loved one's face light up with joy when they open a particularly special gift. Let's not forget that what makes a gift special is not the physical thing itself, but what it represents, both to the giver and the receiver. When a present is chosen with thoughtfulness and love, it shows that the giver not only understands what's important to the receiver, but that the giver is supportive and cares about the receiver's interests. It's a symbol of caring and sharing, of nurturing and love. It's a sign that the giver has spent time and emotional energy with the receiver in mind.

As we head into a new year, I'm hoping to keep that thought uppermost in my mind. I'm hoping to remember that the greatest gift I can give to anyone - friend, family member, or even stranger - is my time. I'm hoping to remember that when someone gives me their time, that I take a minute to be grateful, for that's the greatest gift someone can give to me, too.

If we can all be as diligent about giving of ourselves as we are about buying, wrapping, and exchanging Christmas presents, perhaps 2011 will be a year filled with the peace that we all crave.

A Plea for Peaceful Language

Anyone who has ever gone toy shopping for a child quickly discovers that there are "girl toy" aisles and "boy toy" aisles. The "girl aisles" are awash in bright pinks and pastels, offering dolls and kitchen sets, while the "boy aisles" are covered in black and camouflage colors, offering cars, trucks, and "action figures".
As the mother of two boys, I've spent many hours shaking my head in disgust as I see shelf after shelf filled with violence disguised as toys for boys. There are (turn on your best over-excited announcer voice when you read these) Awesome Smashing, Crashing Hot Wheels and Matchbox car sets, MegaMorph Transformers with Realistic Bazooka Blasters, Ultra Long Range Nerf Bombers with Ammo Boosters, and the list goes on and on. Now, for the record, none of these toy names are real - I've made them all up - but they do represent the kinds of toys our children are playing with.

I've had a tough ban on violence in our home, and I have to tell you, it's getting harder and harder to enforce as the years roll by. Why is that? It's because violence is all around us...everywhere...everyday...day in and day out, and I think we've become very blase about it. In fact, I suspect that we're not even consciously aware of most of what we say and hear.

Look at the language, the words and phrases we use everyday. We're fighting crime, fighting hunger, fighting disease, fighting for our rights, fighting against injustice, and fighting to get our economy back on track. When we're not fighting, we're battling. We all have loved ones who are battling cancer, we're battling the bulge, and battling unemployment. When we're not fighting or battling, we're in an all out war. We have the war on terrorism, the war on drugs, and we're waging two real life wars in Iraq and Afghanistan - wars that are taking the very real lives and very real limbs of our country's young men and women.

Is it any wonder that the hottest video game for children this Holiday Season is Call of Duty: Black Ops? No, I did not make that name up - it's for real. And what's very disturbing to me is that copies of this game are flying off the shelves...into our children's hands. We're perpetuating the cycle and passing our numbness onto our little ones, and that is such a frightening notion to me.

Now, don't get me wrong. I'm all for eradicating hunger, poverty, illnesses, injustice, crime, and so on. I just think it's time to shift the way we speak and think about it to a more positive, supportive, and healing vocabulary. Fighting and battling creates hatred and enemies - us against them - without any understanding or empathy, and I think everyone loses in the end. I saw a bumper sticker a while back that said something to the effect of "War doesn't prove who's right, it just shows who's left". Amen to that.

Just think for a second: have you ever seen or heard of any Spiritual Leader or Enlightened One walking around armed to the teeth? Was the Baby Jesus laid in the manger with his beloved M-80? Did the Buddha carry a bazooka? Did Gandhi have a pistol strapped to his ankle? Did Mother Theresa minister to the poor with her trusty Smith and Wesson? No! The very thought is ludicrous.

If we are to follow in the footsteps of those we hold up as Spiritual role models, we need to begin by changing our language and the way we think about our problems. It's not really as hard as it sounds. Instead of fighting cancer, we can Race for the Cure. The same is true for any cause, whether it's medical, political, social, economic, whatever. Leave the negativity behind and move forward, towards the positive. Research and find the root causes. Provide treatment and promote healing. Explore alternatives. Be open to new ideas and ancient healing practices. Share. Talk. Listen. Understand. Learn. Try. But, for heaven's sake, please let's stop fighting all the time.