My last two weeks have been filled with angst. Stress, frustrations, irritations...you name it. It was not a fun time. All the while, I tried to resolve the situations one by one, rushing to fight the proverbial fires here and there, never feeling like I got anywhere and getting more and more irritated and exhausted by the hour.
My husband and boys went camping this weekend, which gave me a great opportunity to chill out, breathe, and see if I could find the big picture view to put the last 2 weeks into perspective. On my way to the library, I was listening to a Bob Marley CD. The lyrics to one of his songs go like this, "We know where we're going. We know where we're from." And there it was - the perspective to help me rise above it all and dump the angst.
I know from whence I come. All 4 of my grandparents were immigrants from Poland. They came with next to nothing and built lives and and raised families in a strange country. They may not have been educated and they certainly were not wealthy, but they were not afraid of hard work and they learned whatever they needed to know to raise their children and make sure they were educated. My grandparents were strong people, both physically and spiritually, whose courage, determination, and perseverance is at the root of the U.S. branch of my family tree.
As every gardener knows, what comes in through the roots of a plant is used to send out blossoms and, once those flowers are pollinated, ultimately nourish the fruit. As the roots of my tree, my grandparents' strength, courage, determination, and perseverance is in me. I come from a family of survivors. They faced fears and jumped over hurdles that I'm sure I can not begin to imagine, so why should I let some day-to-day irritations get the better of me? I don't have to leave my country for a chance at a better life somewhere else, I don't have to worry about feeding my family, I don't have to worry about my children's health or their educational opportunities. Life is relatively easy.
Once I remembered where I come from and how far we have come in 2 short generations, the stress and frustration of the past weeks melted away. I regained my focus, realizing that I'm a survivor. I'm strong and courageous. I live my convictions and teach my children to do the same. Nothing and no one will trample me for long, for I have the fortitude and perseverance to get right back up again and keep on going.
I tell you all of this so that, when life gets difficult, you, too may remember and draw strength from where you have come. We've all been beaten up by life. We've all lived through crises, drama, and trauma. And we are all still (hopefully) going forward.
Know where you're going and know where you're from. Look back for strength, look forward with hope and conviction, and keep following the path that you know to be right for you.
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Sunday, September 19, 2010
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Go Within & Live It Out
I was watching a rerun of Oprah the other day and Diane Sawyer was talking to a fan of hers who is a newscaster on a local Illinois television station. In the conversation, Ms. Sawyer said (and I'm paraphrasing) 'As long as what you care about on the inside matches what you're doing on the outside, you'll have rocket fuel to power your life and your dreams'. Wow, isn't that a powerful statement?
I think sometimes we manage to demonstrate our values by behaving and living in a particular way, but it seems to me that we could all use a booster when it comes to actually matching what's inside us to what we're doing in the world. First, we have to know, and be able to articulate, what we care about and what really is inside us. The things we care about are probably fairly easy to identify, but what is really inside us? That seems to be a bit harder.
Now, perhaps Ms. Sawyer was just speaking about career choices and paths when she used the words 'what's inside us', but I want to challenge us all to take a broader meaning to those words. I want to challenge us to include all of our values, all of our hopes, and all of our dreams, for ourselves and for future generations. What's inside us also includes our life purpose, our destiny, our unique potential for greatness, in short, our soul's reason for coming into this life via this human body at this time in history.
In order to know what's inside us, we need to answer: Who am I and why am I here? Not an easy task, I know. It takes a journey inward, patience, sometimes courage, and a true desire to live a fabulous life being all you are meant to be. But first, we must be willing to enjoy some quiet time away from the hustle and bustle of our daily routines. Set aside your To Do list for 10 minutes - don't worry, it won't disappear - and just close your eyes and breathe. Let your body relax for a change. Embrace the quiet and the stillness and let your worries drift away. Then, when you feel calm, ask yourself "What's inside me?" or "Why am I here?" I know it sounds silly to ask yourself such questions, but if you don't already know, how will you find out if you don't ask?
Now comes the tricky part. Just let the answers drift into your mind - don't judge or criticize them, don't censor them, don't push them away because you think they're silly - just let the answers come.
If you set aside time to be still and listen every couple of days, you'll soon begin to piece together a fairly good picture of who you are and why you're here. Then you can begin aligning what you're doing on the outside with what's really on the inside.
I call that Going Within and Living it Out. We journey inward to reacquaint ourselves with our spirit, then we take the wisdom and beauty we find there, bring it out, live it, and share it with the world. It's kind of like a caterpillar cocooning itself and then emerging as a beautiful butterfly.
So I challenge each of us to spend a little time cocooning, beginning a journey within, and listening to our hearts and souls. Then live it out and let's see how many wondrous changes we can create in our lives, in our families, and in our world.
I think sometimes we manage to demonstrate our values by behaving and living in a particular way, but it seems to me that we could all use a booster when it comes to actually matching what's inside us to what we're doing in the world. First, we have to know, and be able to articulate, what we care about and what really is inside us. The things we care about are probably fairly easy to identify, but what is really inside us? That seems to be a bit harder.
Now, perhaps Ms. Sawyer was just speaking about career choices and paths when she used the words 'what's inside us', but I want to challenge us all to take a broader meaning to those words. I want to challenge us to include all of our values, all of our hopes, and all of our dreams, for ourselves and for future generations. What's inside us also includes our life purpose, our destiny, our unique potential for greatness, in short, our soul's reason for coming into this life via this human body at this time in history.
In order to know what's inside us, we need to answer: Who am I and why am I here? Not an easy task, I know. It takes a journey inward, patience, sometimes courage, and a true desire to live a fabulous life being all you are meant to be. But first, we must be willing to enjoy some quiet time away from the hustle and bustle of our daily routines. Set aside your To Do list for 10 minutes - don't worry, it won't disappear - and just close your eyes and breathe. Let your body relax for a change. Embrace the quiet and the stillness and let your worries drift away. Then, when you feel calm, ask yourself "What's inside me?" or "Why am I here?" I know it sounds silly to ask yourself such questions, but if you don't already know, how will you find out if you don't ask?
Now comes the tricky part. Just let the answers drift into your mind - don't judge or criticize them, don't censor them, don't push them away because you think they're silly - just let the answers come.
If you set aside time to be still and listen every couple of days, you'll soon begin to piece together a fairly good picture of who you are and why you're here. Then you can begin aligning what you're doing on the outside with what's really on the inside.
I call that Going Within and Living it Out. We journey inward to reacquaint ourselves with our spirit, then we take the wisdom and beauty we find there, bring it out, live it, and share it with the world. It's kind of like a caterpillar cocooning itself and then emerging as a beautiful butterfly.
So I challenge each of us to spend a little time cocooning, beginning a journey within, and listening to our hearts and souls. Then live it out and let's see how many wondrous changes we can create in our lives, in our families, and in our world.
Saturday, August 21, 2010
Being True to You
I've noticed that I write about song lyrics quite often. I guess certain tunes and phrases get stuck in my head, which then causes me to ponder what they mean to me and how they apply to life, in general. Well, here I go again.
Sting wrote a song called Englishman in New York and in it, there's a line that says, "Be yourself, no matter what they say". I have always loved that line.
With 2 children in grade school, I'm very aware of peer pressure and the desire to 'fit in' and 'be like everyone else'. I know that, not only will it intensify in High School, it will be around in one form or another, all through their lives. We tell our children to think for themselves and that, just because everyone else is doing something, it doesn't mean that they have to do it, too. Through the years, how many NY Moms have asked in exasperation, "If all your friends were jumping off the Brooklyn bridge, would you jump, too?!" We're telling our children, and rightfully so, to choose right over wrong, to be true to the values taught and lived at home, and to stand up for what they believe in.
We may share common interests, but we are not all carbon copies of one another, nor should we be. We are different because of our unique talents and gifts. We have different thought processes. We have different life experiences. We have different cultural and religious backgrounds. We have different customs and traditions. Most importantly, we have different life lessons, different things to accomplish in our lifetime, and different purposes on this planet. We each have a greatness to which we should rise, but each greatness is unique, not the same, and all together they are complementary.
We each need to take the path that will lead us to our highest potential, not necessarily the most well-worn path that everyone else chooses. This is often a difficult thing to do. People may say nasty and unkind things to us. People may laugh at our hopes and dreams. People may put obstacles in our way or just not help us to get over a hurdle. People may gossip and talk behind our backs. These people may be those we thought were friends, so their words and actions hurt. These people may be family, so their words and actions cause us to question the validity of our hopes and dreams.
Quite often, it takes strength to stay true to our values, to our hopes and dreams, to who we are and who we are meant to be. It takes strength to forge a new path and to make a new mold for ourselves, instead of trying to fit into the mold that everyone else thinks we should fit into. It takes strength to be ourselves, no matter what they say.
But remember that words can never be as strong as dreams. While it's true that words have a certain amount of power because they carry energy and can convey emotion, when people say hurtful or negative things, the words are coming from their brains, from a place of thinking and judging. Their brains are hastily throwing out words in an attempt to push us back into the mold they think we belong in. It's a knee-jerk reaction caused by fear.
Fear of what? Who knows. Perhaps it's a fear of change - if you can change, then they may feel inadequate by not changing. Perhaps it's fear of failure - if you succeed by moving, then they can be seen as failing because they are standing still. Perhaps it's jealousy - a fear that you'll achieve greater financial success, or greater joy in life than they have. Perhaps it's fear of losing ground in their social network - other people will like you better in your new role, not just because of your new role, but because you're happier and more fun to be around. These people may think they're judging you when, in reality, they are really judging themselves, and concluding that they are not measuring up.
Dreams are far stronger than hastily cast off words because dreams are desires of the heart. Their power comes from a place of feeling, a more centered place, a more spiritual place, a place that holds love instead of judgement. Dreams are whispers from our souls and they carry a great and profound truth about who and where we are meant to be.
Only those who are secure enough in themselves to set their own thinking and egos aside can listen to our dreams with open and caring hearts. These are the people who will support us and rejoice in every step we take towards our goal, no matter how tentative or how small. These are the people who will not judge us, for their words will come from their hearts where very little judgement lies. They may not share our dream, they may not understand our dream, but they will support us in working towards whatever dreams we may have.
So be yourself, no matter what they say. Let those who think themselves to be superior sit in judgement, and know that they are only judging themselves. Let their words drift up and away from you in a cloud of smoke. Hold close those who are true cheerleaders and supporters. Don't worry, you will know the difference between the two...in fact, you already do. And if, by chance, you mistake a judger for a supporter, don't waste your energy being hurt and ashamed. Just carry on and know that dreams are more powerful than words.
I don't want to disappoint anyone, but, if I am pushed into a corner where I must choose, I would rather disappoint other people than disappoint myself. I'd rather live the fabulous life that my soul knows I can live, instead of the life that another person thinks is best for me. I'd rather reach for a dream and fail than succeed in never trying. I'd rather move towards something wonderful than stand still and wonder 'what if'.
If you agree, then follow your dreams and be yourself, no matter what they say.
Sting wrote a song called Englishman in New York and in it, there's a line that says, "Be yourself, no matter what they say". I have always loved that line.
With 2 children in grade school, I'm very aware of peer pressure and the desire to 'fit in' and 'be like everyone else'. I know that, not only will it intensify in High School, it will be around in one form or another, all through their lives. We tell our children to think for themselves and that, just because everyone else is doing something, it doesn't mean that they have to do it, too. Through the years, how many NY Moms have asked in exasperation, "If all your friends were jumping off the Brooklyn bridge, would you jump, too?!" We're telling our children, and rightfully so, to choose right over wrong, to be true to the values taught and lived at home, and to stand up for what they believe in.
We may share common interests, but we are not all carbon copies of one another, nor should we be. We are different because of our unique talents and gifts. We have different thought processes. We have different life experiences. We have different cultural and religious backgrounds. We have different customs and traditions. Most importantly, we have different life lessons, different things to accomplish in our lifetime, and different purposes on this planet. We each have a greatness to which we should rise, but each greatness is unique, not the same, and all together they are complementary.
We each need to take the path that will lead us to our highest potential, not necessarily the most well-worn path that everyone else chooses. This is often a difficult thing to do. People may say nasty and unkind things to us. People may laugh at our hopes and dreams. People may put obstacles in our way or just not help us to get over a hurdle. People may gossip and talk behind our backs. These people may be those we thought were friends, so their words and actions hurt. These people may be family, so their words and actions cause us to question the validity of our hopes and dreams.
Quite often, it takes strength to stay true to our values, to our hopes and dreams, to who we are and who we are meant to be. It takes strength to forge a new path and to make a new mold for ourselves, instead of trying to fit into the mold that everyone else thinks we should fit into. It takes strength to be ourselves, no matter what they say.
But remember that words can never be as strong as dreams. While it's true that words have a certain amount of power because they carry energy and can convey emotion, when people say hurtful or negative things, the words are coming from their brains, from a place of thinking and judging. Their brains are hastily throwing out words in an attempt to push us back into the mold they think we belong in. It's a knee-jerk reaction caused by fear.
Fear of what? Who knows. Perhaps it's a fear of change - if you can change, then they may feel inadequate by not changing. Perhaps it's fear of failure - if you succeed by moving, then they can be seen as failing because they are standing still. Perhaps it's jealousy - a fear that you'll achieve greater financial success, or greater joy in life than they have. Perhaps it's fear of losing ground in their social network - other people will like you better in your new role, not just because of your new role, but because you're happier and more fun to be around. These people may think they're judging you when, in reality, they are really judging themselves, and concluding that they are not measuring up.
Dreams are far stronger than hastily cast off words because dreams are desires of the heart. Their power comes from a place of feeling, a more centered place, a more spiritual place, a place that holds love instead of judgement. Dreams are whispers from our souls and they carry a great and profound truth about who and where we are meant to be.
Only those who are secure enough in themselves to set their own thinking and egos aside can listen to our dreams with open and caring hearts. These are the people who will support us and rejoice in every step we take towards our goal, no matter how tentative or how small. These are the people who will not judge us, for their words will come from their hearts where very little judgement lies. They may not share our dream, they may not understand our dream, but they will support us in working towards whatever dreams we may have.
So be yourself, no matter what they say. Let those who think themselves to be superior sit in judgement, and know that they are only judging themselves. Let their words drift up and away from you in a cloud of smoke. Hold close those who are true cheerleaders and supporters. Don't worry, you will know the difference between the two...in fact, you already do. And if, by chance, you mistake a judger for a supporter, don't waste your energy being hurt and ashamed. Just carry on and know that dreams are more powerful than words.
I don't want to disappoint anyone, but, if I am pushed into a corner where I must choose, I would rather disappoint other people than disappoint myself. I'd rather live the fabulous life that my soul knows I can live, instead of the life that another person thinks is best for me. I'd rather reach for a dream and fail than succeed in never trying. I'd rather move towards something wonderful than stand still and wonder 'what if'.
If you agree, then follow your dreams and be yourself, no matter what they say.
Friday, August 6, 2010
Inspiration & Change
Last Saturday night, we attended a simulcast of the Boy Scouts of America (BSA) Shining Light celebration that capped off the 2010 National Jamboree and celebrated the 100th Anniversary of Scouting in the US. It was a big pep rally kind of show with lots of singing and dancing, speeches of all kinds, and of course, fireworks.
I expected the hoopla, but I never expected to be so proud to have my whole family involved in Scouting (we have a Boy Scout, a Cub Scout, a Cub Master and a Den Leader in our house!), and I never expected to be so inspired to pick myself up and continue giving it my all (I was pretty burned out on Scouts by the end of this last school year). I was inspired by, of all things, a rock band I had never heard of before, called Switchfoot, that performed for the boys.
Between songs, the lead singer talked to the crowd and one thing he said rang out to me loud and clear. He said, "Never believe that you can not change", and he repeated those simple and profound seven words several times. They then performed a song called "Dare You to Move". Those 2 phrases - never believe you can not change and dare you to move - have been percolating around in my brain ever since.
The next day I researched Switchfoot on the Internet and found that they began as a Christian Rock band and have always been very involved in fundraisers and charities of all kinds. Well what do you know, I may need to buy a CD or two from them. Anyway, my point is not to promote a band (although you may want to check them out on YouTube), but to have you consider the possibility of change in your own life...and perhaps to dare you to move, too.
The Cub Scout motto is "Do your best". Behavior and actions are a fine place to start when we're teaching our young children, but as adults, I think "Be your best" has more meaning. Are you the best that you can be? Have you ever stopped to think about who you could be? How big a gap is there between who you are right now and who you have the potential to become? What would it take to get you from here to there? What's holding you back from beginning the journey? Perhaps you've just never thought about it before. Perhaps you don't know where to start. Perhaps old habits and actions get in the way and cause you to turn away from a better path. Perhaps you need to believe in yourself and your support system a little more. Remember: never believe that you can not change.
We can ask all the same questions about your life, too. How is your life right now? How much better could your life be? How vast is the gulf between how your life is right now and what it has the potential to become? What would it take to get you from here to there? Why have you not begun making changes to move you in a more positive direction? Are you cocooned within yourself or are you giving back and sharing your greatness with your community, your family, and your friends? Never believe that you can not change.
My Mom used to say, "Where there is life, there is hope". I agree, and I would add "Where there is life, there is hope for positive change". All we need is a little quiet time to realize that there are better ways to go about this thing called life. Then we need to decide to change and commit ourselves to the process. Then we need to begin to move - and these can be baby steps at first, until we gain some courage and momentum. Along the way we need to allow ourselves to slide back now and then without guilt or shame - we are human, after all, and we are never perfect, but this can not be an excuse to give up or abandon all hope. Persistence must be our friend. Celebrate every little positive step, reward yourself, and keep on going. Learn from your mistakes and keep on going. Share the story of your journey with your closest supporters and keep on going. Celebrate your friends' progress and keep on going. Encourage each other, encourage yourself, and keep on going. Little by little, action by action, thought by thought, day by day, just keep on going.
Before you know it, before you even realize how far you've come, you will be there. You will be the better person you envisioned for yourself. You will be living a life that is closer to your potential. Never believe you can not change.
So now I dare you. I dare you to sit quietly for a while and ponder what could be. I dare you to reach for that goal - to be that better person - to attain that better life - to make a difference for yourself and for others, both near and far. I dare you to move...and to keep on moving...and to inspire others to do the same.
Never believe you can not change. I dare you to move.
Many thanks to Switchfoot for the great inspiration.
I expected the hoopla, but I never expected to be so proud to have my whole family involved in Scouting (we have a Boy Scout, a Cub Scout, a Cub Master and a Den Leader in our house!), and I never expected to be so inspired to pick myself up and continue giving it my all (I was pretty burned out on Scouts by the end of this last school year). I was inspired by, of all things, a rock band I had never heard of before, called Switchfoot, that performed for the boys.
Between songs, the lead singer talked to the crowd and one thing he said rang out to me loud and clear. He said, "Never believe that you can not change", and he repeated those simple and profound seven words several times. They then performed a song called "Dare You to Move". Those 2 phrases - never believe you can not change and dare you to move - have been percolating around in my brain ever since.
The next day I researched Switchfoot on the Internet and found that they began as a Christian Rock band and have always been very involved in fundraisers and charities of all kinds. Well what do you know, I may need to buy a CD or two from them. Anyway, my point is not to promote a band (although you may want to check them out on YouTube), but to have you consider the possibility of change in your own life...and perhaps to dare you to move, too.
The Cub Scout motto is "Do your best". Behavior and actions are a fine place to start when we're teaching our young children, but as adults, I think "Be your best" has more meaning. Are you the best that you can be? Have you ever stopped to think about who you could be? How big a gap is there between who you are right now and who you have the potential to become? What would it take to get you from here to there? What's holding you back from beginning the journey? Perhaps you've just never thought about it before. Perhaps you don't know where to start. Perhaps old habits and actions get in the way and cause you to turn away from a better path. Perhaps you need to believe in yourself and your support system a little more. Remember: never believe that you can not change.
We can ask all the same questions about your life, too. How is your life right now? How much better could your life be? How vast is the gulf between how your life is right now and what it has the potential to become? What would it take to get you from here to there? Why have you not begun making changes to move you in a more positive direction? Are you cocooned within yourself or are you giving back and sharing your greatness with your community, your family, and your friends? Never believe that you can not change.
My Mom used to say, "Where there is life, there is hope". I agree, and I would add "Where there is life, there is hope for positive change". All we need is a little quiet time to realize that there are better ways to go about this thing called life. Then we need to decide to change and commit ourselves to the process. Then we need to begin to move - and these can be baby steps at first, until we gain some courage and momentum. Along the way we need to allow ourselves to slide back now and then without guilt or shame - we are human, after all, and we are never perfect, but this can not be an excuse to give up or abandon all hope. Persistence must be our friend. Celebrate every little positive step, reward yourself, and keep on going. Learn from your mistakes and keep on going. Share the story of your journey with your closest supporters and keep on going. Celebrate your friends' progress and keep on going. Encourage each other, encourage yourself, and keep on going. Little by little, action by action, thought by thought, day by day, just keep on going.
Before you know it, before you even realize how far you've come, you will be there. You will be the better person you envisioned for yourself. You will be living a life that is closer to your potential. Never believe you can not change.
So now I dare you. I dare you to sit quietly for a while and ponder what could be. I dare you to reach for that goal - to be that better person - to attain that better life - to make a difference for yourself and for others, both near and far. I dare you to move...and to keep on moving...and to inspire others to do the same.
Never believe you can not change. I dare you to move.
Many thanks to Switchfoot for the great inspiration.
Monday, July 26, 2010
Manners, Please
Have you noticed that in recent years people have, in general, become less and less polite to one another? Have you noticed a marked decline in good manners and common courtesy? Have you noticed that everyone wants something from everyone else, but very few people are willing to give of themselves to another? Have you noticed that, in general, the workers in Customer Service departments have no clue what service means?
I have noticed all of these things and instead of getting better, I think we're getting worse. I've been trying to give people the benefit of the doubt by thinking that perhaps I've entered a stage in life where I can say that I was raised in different era, but even that's wearing thin. There's just no excuse for rudeness.
I can't tell you how many birthday party invitations I send to my boys' classmates that remain unacknowledged and unanswered. I clearly include an "RSVP by" date, along with a telephone number AND an email address. What can be easier than typing a quick note that says, "Sorry we can't come, but we hope you have a good time". My favorites are the Moms who call the morning of the party asking if it's too late for their precious little princess to join in the fun. Yes, as a matter of fact, it is too late. I'm very sorry they're disappointed, but my son was disappointed that you could not be bothered to respond over the last 2 weeks.
I can't tell you how may times my boys have attended birthday parties and never received a thank you note...not even an email thank you note, for heaven's sake. Not only is that annoying, it's rude.
If you receive an invitation, you respond. If you receive a gift (no matter how hideous you may think it is), you send a thank you note because someone was thinking of you and went out of their way to do something nice for you. When someone does something nice for you, you say "thank you". And when someone thanks you for doing something nice, you say, "You're welcome". How hard is that? The words "excuse me" and "please" are very handy, too.
And don't get me started on the grocery store. I can't count the number of times I've seen little old ladies in the middle of a crowded aisle, stretching to their full 4 feet in height, desperately reaching for that container stored all the way on the tippy top shelf with not a single soul offering to help. One little old man actually tried climbing up onto the refrigerator unit in the dairy aisle to reach a yogurt. It took all of 2 seconds of my time to say, "Oh, let me help you with that. Which one would you like?" At first his face registered shock and disbelief that I actually offered to help, and then his face glowed with the sheer joy of being helped. The look on his and his wife's faces lifted my spirits for the rest of the day.
While waiting to deplane on a recent airline flight, I saw an older woman trying to snag the handles of her carry on luggage with the hook of her cane because she couldn't bend over to pick it up with her hands. There were about 20 people standing around gawking at her, yet no one offered to help. So I stopped in the aisle (much to the dismay of all the people behind me who had very important places to be in a very big hurry), and said, "Please let me hand that to you" while picking the bag up for her to take. Again, disbelief showed on her face, followed by utter joy. Now was that so hard?
I'm sorry for ranting (apologizing seems to be another lost art, by the way), but I've found that more and more of us are being rude to each other more and more often these days, and I think it's time to stop. I've been busy teaching Religious Education to First Graders this past week, and if they can remember to use their good manners, the rest of us can, too. I don't care what your religion, when or where you were born and raised, or what your financial status, you can be polite to those around you - and that includes friends, strangers, AND family members.
We all want to be liked. We all want to matter. We all want to be acknowledged. We all want to have friends. We all want to be loved for who we are. And, as I've been teaching my students, we are all important and special in the eyes of God. If God says we're valuable, who are we to argue or treat each other as anything less than special?
So please, go out there and be kind. Use your good manners. Remember those magic words that Mom taught you - please and thank you - and use them often. Treat your friends and family the way you would like to be treated, and if, by chance, you mess up, say you're sorry. When someone apologizes to you, open your heart and extend your forgiveness. We're all human and we all make mistakes (yeah, I know some of them are whoppers, but, hey, some of us take a little longer to catch on than others).
Thank you for reading.
I have noticed all of these things and instead of getting better, I think we're getting worse. I've been trying to give people the benefit of the doubt by thinking that perhaps I've entered a stage in life where I can say that I was raised in different era, but even that's wearing thin. There's just no excuse for rudeness.
I can't tell you how many birthday party invitations I send to my boys' classmates that remain unacknowledged and unanswered. I clearly include an "RSVP by" date, along with a telephone number AND an email address. What can be easier than typing a quick note that says, "Sorry we can't come, but we hope you have a good time". My favorites are the Moms who call the morning of the party asking if it's too late for their precious little princess to join in the fun. Yes, as a matter of fact, it is too late. I'm very sorry they're disappointed, but my son was disappointed that you could not be bothered to respond over the last 2 weeks.
I can't tell you how may times my boys have attended birthday parties and never received a thank you note...not even an email thank you note, for heaven's sake. Not only is that annoying, it's rude.
If you receive an invitation, you respond. If you receive a gift (no matter how hideous you may think it is), you send a thank you note because someone was thinking of you and went out of their way to do something nice for you. When someone does something nice for you, you say "thank you". And when someone thanks you for doing something nice, you say, "You're welcome". How hard is that? The words "excuse me" and "please" are very handy, too.
And don't get me started on the grocery store. I can't count the number of times I've seen little old ladies in the middle of a crowded aisle, stretching to their full 4 feet in height, desperately reaching for that container stored all the way on the tippy top shelf with not a single soul offering to help. One little old man actually tried climbing up onto the refrigerator unit in the dairy aisle to reach a yogurt. It took all of 2 seconds of my time to say, "Oh, let me help you with that. Which one would you like?" At first his face registered shock and disbelief that I actually offered to help, and then his face glowed with the sheer joy of being helped. The look on his and his wife's faces lifted my spirits for the rest of the day.
While waiting to deplane on a recent airline flight, I saw an older woman trying to snag the handles of her carry on luggage with the hook of her cane because she couldn't bend over to pick it up with her hands. There were about 20 people standing around gawking at her, yet no one offered to help. So I stopped in the aisle (much to the dismay of all the people behind me who had very important places to be in a very big hurry), and said, "Please let me hand that to you" while picking the bag up for her to take. Again, disbelief showed on her face, followed by utter joy. Now was that so hard?
I'm sorry for ranting (apologizing seems to be another lost art, by the way), but I've found that more and more of us are being rude to each other more and more often these days, and I think it's time to stop. I've been busy teaching Religious Education to First Graders this past week, and if they can remember to use their good manners, the rest of us can, too. I don't care what your religion, when or where you were born and raised, or what your financial status, you can be polite to those around you - and that includes friends, strangers, AND family members.
We all want to be liked. We all want to matter. We all want to be acknowledged. We all want to have friends. We all want to be loved for who we are. And, as I've been teaching my students, we are all important and special in the eyes of God. If God says we're valuable, who are we to argue or treat each other as anything less than special?
So please, go out there and be kind. Use your good manners. Remember those magic words that Mom taught you - please and thank you - and use them often. Treat your friends and family the way you would like to be treated, and if, by chance, you mess up, say you're sorry. When someone apologizes to you, open your heart and extend your forgiveness. We're all human and we all make mistakes (yeah, I know some of them are whoppers, but, hey, some of us take a little longer to catch on than others).
Thank you for reading.
Friday, July 16, 2010
Funny Summer Happenings
When I started this blog, I promised myself that I would post at least once a week so that: (1) there would be plenty of new stuff to keep readers coming back and, hopefully, recommending the blog to their friends, and (2) I could exercise my writing skills on a regular basis and see where my meanderings might take me. As my Thursday self-imposed deadline fast approached with no great inspiration anywhere in sight, I started slipping into disappointment until it dawned on me that everyone needs a few days off now and then...especially in the summer.
As I spent the morning blowing bubbles with my children (keeping the vow that I made earlier in the Spring - yea me!), I realized that I've been chuckling at myself as I tackle outdoor chores lately (which is a good thing) and laughing with my boys a lot more lately (which is a very good thing). So I thought I might take a short break from ponderings and musings and share some of my chuckles with you.
We are blessed with a very prolific vegetable garden (organic, of course), and last week I noticed that the basil plants (which really resemble bushes more than plants) were beginning to flower. Since flowering takes energy away from the leaves and makes them taste bitter, I always give the plants a trim to clip the flower buds before they bloom. Last week we had a blistering heatwave and the last place I wanted to be during the day was under the hot sun in the garden, so I decided to wait until early evening to venture out and trim the basil. There I was, round about sundown, happily snipping away and humming in the garden, when the old tv show, The Addams Family, popped into my head.
The Addams family would stay inside all day and go out to moon bathe at night. Morticia, the Mom, used to prune her roses by snipping off the flowers and commenting on how lovely the thorns were that year. What started out as a logical progression for me and my garden tending, ended up rather funny as the tv show's theme song ran through my head...finger snapping and all. There I was, alone in the garden, nearly in the dark, happily cutting flowers off of plants, chuckling to myself. The more I chuckled, the more I realized how silly I looked, and I ended up laughing at myself even more...which, of course, made the whole scene spiral into complete silliness. Maybe you had to be there.
Then there was the mouse in the compost bin. We have 3 large wooden compost boxes and, unfortunately, mice love to chew through wood to get to our kitchen scraps. Aside from Mickey, I don't really like mice very much at all. Anything that scurries give me the creeps, and mice are exceptionally good at scurrying - ergo, they gotta go.
There I was at about 9:00 this morning (trying to beat the heat on the other side of Noon this time) hauling the (mostly) finished compost from the bin into the garden. If anyone remembers the theme song to Green Acres, feel free to start humming it right about now. My pitchfork is used so often, the tines are still shiny. Luckily, the bin was nearly empty, so I switched to the coal shovel to transfer the last of the compost into my trusty wheelbarrow, when I heard a high pitched squeak and saw a little brown mouse scurrying around the bin, frantically looking for a hiding spot. I let out a hoot, dropped the shovel (with a rather loud clang, I might add), jumped back about 3 feet and managed to squelch the urge to frantically look for a hiding spot of my own. Instead, I assessed my options and took the more mature route of carefully setting my shovel into the wheelbarrow and walking away until later, but not until I announced to the mouse that I was leaving and it was cordially invited to exit my compost bin. I hope no one saw me talking to a wooden box.
About 3 hours later (hey, I wasn't taking any chances!), I announced to my boys, "Ok, here's the plan." They know their Mom well enough to know that those words are not usually a good omen for them, so they looked at me with more than a little trepidation and just silently awaited the announcement of their upcoming fate. "Once you're finished with your ice pops, you're going to come stand by the compost bins to give me moral support." After a 3 minute conversation explaining the concept of "moral support", and after another 5 minutes of explaining why I needed it ("Well how big is this mouse, anyway?" "It's really small, but creepy."), we set off to confront the rodent.
I carried the tarp, #1 son carried the rake, and #2 son scouted out a good location - out of the way of rampaging mice, yet still within viewing distance. I laid the tarp out in front of the bin, climbed up on top of the adjoining bin and grabbed the rake (yup, I looked pretty silly standing on top of a compost bin with a rake in my hands). My plan was to rake the last of the compost out onto the tarp; thus encouraging the mouse, if it was still there, to relocate. But I needed to be away from the front of the bin so that the mouse wouldn't have to run past me. Don't even think about asking what I would have done if the mouse decided to run up the side of the bin and out over the top...I shudder at the thought.
Well, all of this drama ended rather anticlimactically (thank goodness!) because the mouse was no where to be seen...even though #2 son yelled "Mouse!" once or twice while I raked, just to torment me. Unbelievably, neither of my children found this episode bizarre; they just shrugged, accepted my heartfelt thanks for their support, and went back to blowing bubbles...blissfully unaware that not one of their schoolmates will ever have an experience anything like this...ever. Am I a great Mom or what?
So there you have some of my silly doings over the last couple of weeks. It's important not to take ourselves too seriously - we all get ourselves into funny predicaments and we all need to laugh our way out of them. May we all see the humor in our everyday comings and goings, and may we share them with abandon and laugh our way through the year.
As I spent the morning blowing bubbles with my children (keeping the vow that I made earlier in the Spring - yea me!), I realized that I've been chuckling at myself as I tackle outdoor chores lately (which is a good thing) and laughing with my boys a lot more lately (which is a very good thing). So I thought I might take a short break from ponderings and musings and share some of my chuckles with you.
We are blessed with a very prolific vegetable garden (organic, of course), and last week I noticed that the basil plants (which really resemble bushes more than plants) were beginning to flower. Since flowering takes energy away from the leaves and makes them taste bitter, I always give the plants a trim to clip the flower buds before they bloom. Last week we had a blistering heatwave and the last place I wanted to be during the day was under the hot sun in the garden, so I decided to wait until early evening to venture out and trim the basil. There I was, round about sundown, happily snipping away and humming in the garden, when the old tv show, The Addams Family, popped into my head.
The Addams family would stay inside all day and go out to moon bathe at night. Morticia, the Mom, used to prune her roses by snipping off the flowers and commenting on how lovely the thorns were that year. What started out as a logical progression for me and my garden tending, ended up rather funny as the tv show's theme song ran through my head...finger snapping and all. There I was, alone in the garden, nearly in the dark, happily cutting flowers off of plants, chuckling to myself. The more I chuckled, the more I realized how silly I looked, and I ended up laughing at myself even more...which, of course, made the whole scene spiral into complete silliness. Maybe you had to be there.
Then there was the mouse in the compost bin. We have 3 large wooden compost boxes and, unfortunately, mice love to chew through wood to get to our kitchen scraps. Aside from Mickey, I don't really like mice very much at all. Anything that scurries give me the creeps, and mice are exceptionally good at scurrying - ergo, they gotta go.
There I was at about 9:00 this morning (trying to beat the heat on the other side of Noon this time) hauling the (mostly) finished compost from the bin into the garden. If anyone remembers the theme song to Green Acres, feel free to start humming it right about now. My pitchfork is used so often, the tines are still shiny. Luckily, the bin was nearly empty, so I switched to the coal shovel to transfer the last of the compost into my trusty wheelbarrow, when I heard a high pitched squeak and saw a little brown mouse scurrying around the bin, frantically looking for a hiding spot. I let out a hoot, dropped the shovel (with a rather loud clang, I might add), jumped back about 3 feet and managed to squelch the urge to frantically look for a hiding spot of my own. Instead, I assessed my options and took the more mature route of carefully setting my shovel into the wheelbarrow and walking away until later, but not until I announced to the mouse that I was leaving and it was cordially invited to exit my compost bin. I hope no one saw me talking to a wooden box.
About 3 hours later (hey, I wasn't taking any chances!), I announced to my boys, "Ok, here's the plan." They know their Mom well enough to know that those words are not usually a good omen for them, so they looked at me with more than a little trepidation and just silently awaited the announcement of their upcoming fate. "Once you're finished with your ice pops, you're going to come stand by the compost bins to give me moral support." After a 3 minute conversation explaining the concept of "moral support", and after another 5 minutes of explaining why I needed it ("Well how big is this mouse, anyway?" "It's really small, but creepy."), we set off to confront the rodent.
I carried the tarp, #1 son carried the rake, and #2 son scouted out a good location - out of the way of rampaging mice, yet still within viewing distance. I laid the tarp out in front of the bin, climbed up on top of the adjoining bin and grabbed the rake (yup, I looked pretty silly standing on top of a compost bin with a rake in my hands). My plan was to rake the last of the compost out onto the tarp; thus encouraging the mouse, if it was still there, to relocate. But I needed to be away from the front of the bin so that the mouse wouldn't have to run past me. Don't even think about asking what I would have done if the mouse decided to run up the side of the bin and out over the top...I shudder at the thought.
Well, all of this drama ended rather anticlimactically (thank goodness!) because the mouse was no where to be seen...even though #2 son yelled "Mouse!" once or twice while I raked, just to torment me. Unbelievably, neither of my children found this episode bizarre; they just shrugged, accepted my heartfelt thanks for their support, and went back to blowing bubbles...blissfully unaware that not one of their schoolmates will ever have an experience anything like this...ever. Am I a great Mom or what?
So there you have some of my silly doings over the last couple of weeks. It's important not to take ourselves too seriously - we all get ourselves into funny predicaments and we all need to laugh our way out of them. May we all see the humor in our everyday comings and goings, and may we share them with abandon and laugh our way through the year.
Thursday, July 8, 2010
Make the Most of What You've Got
It's been a hot and humid week here in the Northeast with daily heat and health advisories. Everyone's complaining about the weather and doing their best to beat the heat. Of course, we are the same folks who complained about the cold, ice, and snow just 6 short months ago...funny how that happens.
Anyway, instead of complaining, I decided to go with the heat and use it to my advantage. One day my son and I dragged all of our throw rugs and area rugs out onto the driveway and washed them all down. Slung over the swing set and backs of chairs, they dried in no time. We made sure to have a water fight in the midst of it all, just to make it more fun, and once we were wet it was rather pleasant outside. In fact, we celebrated the completion of our chore by sitting outside and sharing some ice pops. It was great!
The next day I did lots of laundry and hung it all outside on the clothesline. Why pay to make more heat with the dryer when nature was making too much heat outside for free? As soon as one load was done in the washer, the previous load was bone dry on the line. Easy as pie, I had all of our laundry washed, folded, and put away - including all the bed sheets - and it cost me next to nothing.
So I got to thinking (as is my usual habit) about turning disadvantages into advantages in other areas of life...you know, the old "If God gives you lemons, make lemonade" way of thinking. Sometimes it's as easy as shifting your perspective. Sometimes it takes a little thought and cleverness (like getting your children to help with a boring and mundane chore during a heatwave). Sometimes it takes a bit of creativity. Sometimes it takes a loving nudge in the right direction from a loved one. Sometimes it takes persistence, willpower, and some emotional flexibility. But it always ends up more than worth while and much better than you ever could have imagined.
So why don't we do it more often? Why are we stuck in the moaning and groaning rut? Why don't we quit the bellyaching and get into a positive frame of mind more quickly? Why don't we nudge and encourage each other more often?
Is it resistance to change? Are we so used to feeling helpless and crummy, we don't even realize that there's another alternative? Is it inertia? It's easier to do the same thing we've always done, rather than changing and trying something new? Is it lack of vision? We just can't seem to see or imagine any other alternative? Is it lack of spiritual or emotional confidence? If I try some new way and it doesn't work out very well, will anyone be there to support me, pick me up, or cheer me on? Are we stuck in the blame game? I can't do this or that because it's too hot/too cold, too early/too late, too hard/ridiculously easy, or he/she/it makes it impossible for me.
Whatever it is that's holding us back, it's time to flip those negatives into positives and pop ourselves into a new and better groove. It's time to take an honest look at what we've got to work with at any given moment and turn it to our advantage. It's time to make the most of what we've got. Why? Because life is too short to wallow in self-pity and negativity. Because we are role models for all the children around us, and we want them to learn how to make the most out of their lives. And because it's so much more fun to enjoy what we have and where we are than it is to be grousing all the time.
Where do we begin? It's always best to start with something small, so the next time you hear yourself complaining about the heat, go wash something outside...and get yourself wet, too...and maybe enjoy an ice pop. The next time you think, "oh no!" when you see a snow storm, notice how beautiful the bare tree limbs look blanketed with snow. Maybe even bundle up and stand outside for a bit enjoying the hushed silence a snow storm brings and get some fresh air into your lungs while you're at it.
Once you've stopped blaming the weather for all sorts of inconveniences in your life, try your hand at something a little more challenging. When you hit an emotional roadblock, sit back, take a breath, and decide to look for alternatives. Notice that you don't have to commit to any course of action, just look for a different route. Say a prayer, ask a friend for advice, or just decide to be open to different possibilities.
Did you ever look at your house from your neighbor's yard or look at your neighborhood on Google Earth? Doesn't it look really different from those perspectives? Well, imagine your situation from your neighbor's point of view or from a bird's eye view. Maybe you'll see something totally different than you usually do and it will help you flip an emotional negative into a positive.
Let yourself imagine what it might be like to react differently than you usually do. If you're shy, imagine what it would be like to walk into a room full of people and say hello to someone. I'm not saying you have to actually do it, I'm just saying imagine what it might be like to try it and have it go well. If you're impatient with lines and waiting your turn, imagine how much nicer it would be to be unfazed by an unexpected slowdown, and how much more pleasant your exchanges with people around you might be.
I think, in the end, it's all about understanding that we are not in control of life, its processes, events, or other people. I think, in the end, it's all about understanding that we can only control our own selves and our own reactions, and surrendering to that reality. But that's a whole other discussion for a whole new post.
Until then, get out there and make the most of what you've got, no matter what it is.
Anyway, instead of complaining, I decided to go with the heat and use it to my advantage. One day my son and I dragged all of our throw rugs and area rugs out onto the driveway and washed them all down. Slung over the swing set and backs of chairs, they dried in no time. We made sure to have a water fight in the midst of it all, just to make it more fun, and once we were wet it was rather pleasant outside. In fact, we celebrated the completion of our chore by sitting outside and sharing some ice pops. It was great!
The next day I did lots of laundry and hung it all outside on the clothesline. Why pay to make more heat with the dryer when nature was making too much heat outside for free? As soon as one load was done in the washer, the previous load was bone dry on the line. Easy as pie, I had all of our laundry washed, folded, and put away - including all the bed sheets - and it cost me next to nothing.
So I got to thinking (as is my usual habit) about turning disadvantages into advantages in other areas of life...you know, the old "If God gives you lemons, make lemonade" way of thinking. Sometimes it's as easy as shifting your perspective. Sometimes it takes a little thought and cleverness (like getting your children to help with a boring and mundane chore during a heatwave). Sometimes it takes a bit of creativity. Sometimes it takes a loving nudge in the right direction from a loved one. Sometimes it takes persistence, willpower, and some emotional flexibility. But it always ends up more than worth while and much better than you ever could have imagined.
So why don't we do it more often? Why are we stuck in the moaning and groaning rut? Why don't we quit the bellyaching and get into a positive frame of mind more quickly? Why don't we nudge and encourage each other more often?
Is it resistance to change? Are we so used to feeling helpless and crummy, we don't even realize that there's another alternative? Is it inertia? It's easier to do the same thing we've always done, rather than changing and trying something new? Is it lack of vision? We just can't seem to see or imagine any other alternative? Is it lack of spiritual or emotional confidence? If I try some new way and it doesn't work out very well, will anyone be there to support me, pick me up, or cheer me on? Are we stuck in the blame game? I can't do this or that because it's too hot/too cold, too early/too late, too hard/ridiculously easy, or he/she/it makes it impossible for me.
Whatever it is that's holding us back, it's time to flip those negatives into positives and pop ourselves into a new and better groove. It's time to take an honest look at what we've got to work with at any given moment and turn it to our advantage. It's time to make the most of what we've got. Why? Because life is too short to wallow in self-pity and negativity. Because we are role models for all the children around us, and we want them to learn how to make the most out of their lives. And because it's so much more fun to enjoy what we have and where we are than it is to be grousing all the time.
Where do we begin? It's always best to start with something small, so the next time you hear yourself complaining about the heat, go wash something outside...and get yourself wet, too...and maybe enjoy an ice pop. The next time you think, "oh no!" when you see a snow storm, notice how beautiful the bare tree limbs look blanketed with snow. Maybe even bundle up and stand outside for a bit enjoying the hushed silence a snow storm brings and get some fresh air into your lungs while you're at it.
Once you've stopped blaming the weather for all sorts of inconveniences in your life, try your hand at something a little more challenging. When you hit an emotional roadblock, sit back, take a breath, and decide to look for alternatives. Notice that you don't have to commit to any course of action, just look for a different route. Say a prayer, ask a friend for advice, or just decide to be open to different possibilities.
Did you ever look at your house from your neighbor's yard or look at your neighborhood on Google Earth? Doesn't it look really different from those perspectives? Well, imagine your situation from your neighbor's point of view or from a bird's eye view. Maybe you'll see something totally different than you usually do and it will help you flip an emotional negative into a positive.
Let yourself imagine what it might be like to react differently than you usually do. If you're shy, imagine what it would be like to walk into a room full of people and say hello to someone. I'm not saying you have to actually do it, I'm just saying imagine what it might be like to try it and have it go well. If you're impatient with lines and waiting your turn, imagine how much nicer it would be to be unfazed by an unexpected slowdown, and how much more pleasant your exchanges with people around you might be.
I think, in the end, it's all about understanding that we are not in control of life, its processes, events, or other people. I think, in the end, it's all about understanding that we can only control our own selves and our own reactions, and surrendering to that reality. But that's a whole other discussion for a whole new post.
Until then, get out there and make the most of what you've got, no matter what it is.
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