A Mother's Love

I'm a full time Mom, but at one time (long ago, in a galaxy far, far away, so it seems) I worked outside the home. I had business cards with my name boldly printed on them, along with a fancy title meant to impress others and convey my importance in this world. I had succinctly composed goals and objectives. My progress was reviewed annually and my salary was adjusted commensurate to my performance. When people asked what I did, I had a great and impressive answer and it generated lots of questions and conversation. In short, I was working and I had value in the eyes of others.

Now I'm a full time Mom. I don't receive a paycheck or an electronic funds transfer once a month. I don't get personal or sick days off. I don't get paid vacation days. No company holidays either. My goals are long ranging, far reaching, and sometimes difficult to articulate. My objectives are fuzzy and can often shift from day to day or hour to hour. When people ask what I do and I answer that I'm a full time Mom, I get a rather sickly sweet smile and a nod and all conversation comes to a screeching halt. No questions...no interest...nothing.

Sometimes I press on and say that I LOVE what I do - which is the absolute truth - and I say that I work harder now than I ever did in the corporate world - which is also absolutely true. Then I get that question - you know the one - "do you think you'll ever go back to work?" as though Motherhood is a temporary blip of insanity in an otherwise sane and properly lived life. I usually say, "absolutely not", but what I REALLY want to say is something more along the lines of, "I know you think I gave up something grand and important just to wash clothes and vacuum carpets, but really, I gave up nothing and I have gained everything. And, if I spend all of my day and all of my week giving my time and energy to the corporate world, who will love my children?"

I have nothing against working Moms and Dads, and I know they love their children deeply. Some people enjoy working and they're probably happier people and are, therefore better parents because they're happy. But that's not who I am, and that's not how I feel I best express my deep, deep love for my children.

A Mother's love is indescribably deep and wide. It's unconditional, ever enduring, unending, and it has an amazing quality that makes you feel like it's a real, tangible thing that you can actually touch, while also feeling like you could never possibly hold it all in your arms at once. It feels like you are surrounded by it on the outside, and yet you hold it all inside of you, all at the same time. A Mother's love begins before the child is born and lasts forever and ever. I heard a woman once say that a Mother's love is the Mother load. Yes indeed, it is.

I would love, just once, when someone asks what I do and I tell them I'm a full time Mom, to have them smile in amazement, shake their head with wonder, and say something like, "That is such an important task and I am so impressed that you devote so much of your time and energy to your children's physical, emotional, and spiritual well-being." I am, after all, touching the future.

Pray All Ways

Every week in my parish, there's a theme or core message for Sunday Mass that I also think of as a meditation or an idea to ponder for the week. The phrase this morning was "Pray always", which I take to mean pray through the day and the week and all through your life. Every relationship needs open lines of communication and prayer is a good way to communicate with God to keep that relationship strong, so praying is a good thing.

I got to thinking, what if, instead of 'always' it could be 'all ways'. Pray all ways. Pray with your words, with your heart, with your actions and deeds, with your hands, with your intentions...all ways. Well, that kicks it up a notch, wouldn't you say?

My Mom always used to say "a thought is a prayer". Just thinking of someone is a prayer for their good health and safety; it's a prayer for peace in their life and in their heart. Thinking can be praying.

Actions can be prayers. Hugging a frightened child, caring for someone who's ill, holding the hand of a grieving friend are all prayers for healing and comfort, and they all involve using our hands in active prayer.

Even our very breathing can be praying. When my husband and I were first trying to have a baby, every breath I took seemed to be a prayer for fertility. The second I saw a positive result on the pregnancy test, my breathing instantly became prayers of thanksgiving.

We can even find prayer in the most mundane, unglamorous, tedious everyday chores. Laundering countless pounds of dirty clothes, can be a prayer that my family walks out the door each morning securely wrapped in Mom's love and affection. Planning and preparing meals can be a prayer that my family is always healthy and well-nourished. Washing endless piles of dirty dishes, can be a prayer for a clean slate - that we forgive each other's mistakes and start fresh. Weeding the garden, can be a prayer for clarity - that I see and nurture my children's goodness.

Even writing this blog can be a prayer...that somehow, somewhere along the line, my words can have a positive impact or influence on another person's life.

I think an important part of Praying All Ways is to do it intentionally, and by that I mean, to be aware of the prayer. Be aware of God working with you and through you to bring goodness into another's life. Be aware of the power of the smallest of gestures to lift someone's mood or alter the course of their day for the better. Know that the mundane and tedious actions (prayers) are, in many ways, far more important and powerful than the public, and perhaps glamorous ones.

Yup, "Pray All Ways" is a powerful phrase to ponder, and it's an even more powerful gift to give to the world. So please, join with me and pray all ways.

What Do You Stand For?

I've spent the last two days trying to recover from a nasty sinus infection, so when I haven't been sleeping, I've been watching way too much daytime tv. You know, there's really lots of nothing on all day and it all seems to be paid for by the same sponsors...it's amazing.

Since Election Day is drawing near, 'tis the season for political ads and smear campaigns. Everyone calls everyone else a liar and a cheat, everyone promises to clean up the County, State, or Municipality, everyone has vast experience, and, lately, everyone is an outsider who will bring fresh views and ideas to the job. I don't mean to be cynical, but I've been voting for some time now, and I have yet to see any great revolutions in the way government is run on any level. But that's not the point I'd like to make right now.

Candidates always try to differentiate themselves by what they stand for. Now, most of us will never run for public office, but I think it's worth while to ponder the question, 'What do you stand for?'

What does it mean to 'stand for' something, anyway? It means you believe in it, you support it, you'd vote for it, but is that as far as you'll go? Will you 'stand up' and 'stand out' for it? Will you speak out for it? Will you risk criticism or sidelong glances from others or put your money where your mouth is by donating money or your time to the cause? Will you write letters and sign your name? Will you stand for something by standing behind your words, meaning will you say what you believe in public and not just when you're working the grapevine or gossip circuit? And, perhaps most important of all, will you live by your own words? Will you walk the talk and, in so doing, inspire others to join you?

These are all important questions because they have the power and the potential to influence our decisions and actions, both large and small, on a daily basis. For example, I believe in leaving as small a footprint on this Earth as I can - I'm green (maybe I should type that Green), and have lived that way for many years.
I have an organic garden and compost my kitchen scraps (my husband calls me a dirt farmer). My electricity needs are not just met, but are exceeded by the solar panels mounted on my garage roof. When it was time to redo the kitchen, I opted for cork flooring and Ice Stone counter tops. I hang laundry on my clothesline to dry. I cook in my solar oven whenever possible. I buy organic produce as often as I can. I purchase recycled products as much as possible. And the list goes on. My point is, being green (or Green, as the case may be) influences, or maybe even drives, my little day-to-day choices as well as my big ticket buying decisions, and I think that's a good thing. Environmental responsibility is not the only thing I stand for, but it's certainly on my top 5 list.

It's important to know where you stand and to 'walk the talk' because then you can live honestly and authentically. You can be yourself and be true to your values. You can think about and work on things that are important to you. You can live with integrity, and that is a mighty powerful, satisfying, and liberating place to be.

So the question is: what do you stand for? What drives your day-to-day choices and decisions? Is it something that you can be proud of? If it is, that's wonderful. If it isn't, then change it. Life is too short to continue down unworthy and uninteresting paths. If you have no idea, then perhaps it's time for some quiet time and introspection so that you can figure it out. If you can't put it into words, you can't put it into practice, and that's no way to go about life.

Know Where You're From

My last two weeks have been filled with angst. Stress, frustrations, irritations...you name it. It was not a fun time. All the while, I tried to resolve the situations one by one, rushing to fight the proverbial fires here and there, never feeling like I got anywhere and getting more and more irritated and exhausted by the hour.

My husband and boys went camping this weekend, which gave me a great opportunity to chill out, breathe, and see if I could find the big picture view to put the last 2 weeks into perspective. On my way to the library, I was listening to a Bob Marley CD. The lyrics to one of his songs go like this, "We know where we're going. We know where we're from." And there it was - the perspective to help me rise above it all and dump the angst.

I know from whence I come. All 4 of my grandparents were immigrants from Poland. They came with next to nothing and built lives and and raised families in a strange country. They may not have been educated and they certainly were not wealthy, but they were not afraid of hard work and they learned whatever they needed to know to raise their children and make sure they were educated. My grandparents were strong people, both physically and spiritually, whose courage, determination, and perseverance is at the root of the U.S. branch of my family tree.

As every gardener knows, what comes in through the roots of a plant is used to send out blossoms and, once those flowers are pollinated, ultimately nourish the fruit. As the roots of my tree, my grandparents' strength, courage, determination, and perseverance is in me. I come from a family of survivors. They faced fears and jumped over hurdles that I'm sure I can not begin to imagine, so why should I let some day-to-day irritations get the better of me? I don't have to leave my country for a chance at a better life somewhere else, I don't have to worry about feeding my family, I don't have to worry about my children's health or their educational opportunities. Life is relatively easy.

Once I remembered where I come from and how far we have come in 2 short generations, the stress and frustration of the past weeks melted away. I regained my focus, realizing that I'm a survivor. I'm strong and courageous. I live my convictions and teach my children to do the same. Nothing and no one will trample me for long, for I have the fortitude and perseverance to get right back up again and keep on going.

I tell you all of this so that, when life gets difficult, you, too may remember and draw strength from where you have come. We've all been beaten up by life. We've all lived through crises, drama, and trauma. And we are all still (hopefully) going forward.

Know where you're going and know where you're from. Look back for strength, look forward with hope and conviction, and keep following the path that you know to be right for you.

Go Within & Live It Out

I was watching a rerun of Oprah the other day and Diane Sawyer was talking to a fan of hers who is a newscaster on a local Illinois television station. In the conversation, Ms. Sawyer said (and I'm paraphrasing) 'As long as what you care about on the inside matches what you're doing on the outside, you'll have rocket fuel to power your life and your dreams'. Wow, isn't that a powerful statement?

I think sometimes we manage to demonstrate our values by behaving and living in a particular way, but it seems to me that we could all use a booster when it comes to actually matching what's inside us to what we're doing in the world. First, we have to know, and be able to articulate, what we care about and what really is inside us. The things we care about are probably fairly easy to identify, but what is really inside us? That seems to be a bit harder.

Now, perhaps Ms. Sawyer was just speaking about career choices and paths when she used the words 'what's inside us', but I want to challenge us all to take a broader meaning to those words. I want to challenge us to include all of our values, all of our hopes, and all of our dreams, for ourselves and for future generations. What's inside us also includes our life purpose, our destiny, our unique potential for greatness, in short, our soul's reason for coming into this life via this human body at this time in history.

In order to know what's inside us, we need to answer: Who am I and why am I here? Not an easy task, I know. It takes a journey inward, patience, sometimes courage, and a true desire to live a fabulous life being all you are meant to be. But first, we must be willing to enjoy some quiet time away from the hustle and bustle of our daily routines. Set aside your To Do list for 10 minutes - don't worry, it won't disappear - and just close your eyes and breathe. Let your body relax for a change. Embrace the quiet and the stillness and let your worries drift away. Then, when you feel calm, ask yourself "What's inside me?" or "Why am I here?" I know it sounds silly to ask yourself such questions, but if you don't already know, how will you find out if you don't ask?

Now comes the tricky part. Just let the answers drift into your mind - don't judge or criticize them, don't censor them, don't push them away because you think they're silly - just let the answers come.

If you set aside time to be still and listen every couple of days, you'll soon begin to piece together a fairly good picture of who you are and why you're here. Then you can begin aligning what you're doing on the outside with what's really on the inside.

I call that Going Within and Living it Out. We journey inward to reacquaint ourselves with our spirit, then we take the wisdom and beauty we find there, bring it out, live it, and share it with the world. It's kind of like a caterpillar cocooning itself and then emerging as a beautiful butterfly.

So I challenge each of us to spend a little time cocooning, beginning a journey within, and listening to our hearts and souls. Then live it out and let's see how many wondrous changes we can create in our lives, in our families, and in our world.

Being True to You

I've noticed that I write about song lyrics quite often. I guess certain tunes and phrases get stuck in my head, which then causes me to ponder what they mean to me and how they apply to life, in general. Well, here I go again.

Sting wrote a song called Englishman in New York and in it, there's a line that says, "Be yourself, no matter what they say". I have always loved that line.

With 2 children in grade school, I'm very aware of peer pressure and the desire to 'fit in' and 'be like everyone else'. I know that, not only will it intensify in High School, it will be around in one form or another, all through their lives. We tell our children to think for themselves and that, just because everyone else is doing something, it doesn't mean that they have to do it, too. Through the years, how many NY Moms have asked in exasperation, "If all your friends were jumping off the Brooklyn bridge, would you jump, too?!" We're telling our children, and rightfully so, to choose right over wrong, to be true to the values taught and lived at home, and to stand up for what they believe in.

We may share common interests, but we are not all carbon copies of one another, nor should we be. We are different because of our unique talents and gifts. We have different thought processes. We have different life experiences. We have different cultural and religious backgrounds. We have different customs and traditions. Most importantly, we have different life lessons, different things to accomplish in our lifetime, and different purposes on this planet. We each have a greatness to which we should rise, but each greatness is unique, not the same, and all together they are complementary.

We each need to take the path that will lead us to our highest potential, not necessarily the most well-worn path that everyone else chooses. This is often a difficult thing to do. People may say nasty and unkind things to us. People may laugh at our hopes and dreams. People may put obstacles in our way or just not help us to get over a hurdle. People may gossip and talk behind our backs. These people may be those we thought were friends, so their words and actions hurt. These people may be family, so their words and actions cause us to question the validity of our hopes and dreams.

Quite often, it takes strength to stay true to our values, to our hopes and dreams, to who we are and who we are meant to be. It takes strength to forge a new path and to make a new mold for ourselves, instead of trying to fit into the mold that everyone else thinks we should fit into. It takes strength to be ourselves, no matter what they say.

But remember that words can never be as strong as dreams. While it's true that words have a certain amount of power because they carry energy and can convey emotion, when people say hurtful or negative things, the words are coming from their brains, from a place of thinking and judging. Their brains are hastily throwing out words in an attempt to push us back into the mold they think we belong in. It's a knee-jerk reaction caused by fear.

Fear of what? Who knows. Perhaps it's a fear of change - if you can change, then they may feel inadequate by not changing. Perhaps it's fear of failure - if you succeed by moving, then they can be seen as failing because they are standing still. Perhaps it's jealousy - a fear that you'll achieve greater financial success, or greater joy in life than they have. Perhaps it's fear of losing ground in their social network - other people will like you better in your new role, not just because of your new role, but because you're happier and more fun to be around. These people may think they're judging you when, in reality, they are really judging themselves, and concluding that they are not measuring up.

Dreams are far stronger than hastily cast off words because dreams are desires of the heart. Their power comes from a place of feeling, a more centered place, a more spiritual place, a place that holds love instead of judgement. Dreams are whispers from our souls and they carry a great and profound truth about who and where we are meant to be.

Only those who are secure enough in themselves to set their own thinking and egos aside can listen to our dreams with open and caring hearts. These are the people who will support us and rejoice in every step we take towards our goal, no matter how tentative or how small. These are the people who will not judge us, for their words will come from their hearts where very little judgement lies. They may not share our dream, they may not understand our dream, but they will support us in working towards whatever dreams we may have.

So be yourself, no matter what they say. Let those who think themselves to be superior sit in judgement, and know that they are only judging themselves. Let their words drift up and away from you in a cloud of smoke. Hold close those who are true cheerleaders and supporters. Don't worry, you will know the difference between the two...in fact, you already do. And if, by chance, you mistake a judger for a supporter, don't waste your energy being hurt and ashamed. Just carry on and know that dreams are more powerful than words.

I don't want to disappoint anyone, but, if I am pushed into a corner where I must choose, I would rather disappoint other people than disappoint myself. I'd rather live the fabulous life that my soul knows I can live, instead of the life that another person thinks is best for me. I'd rather reach for a dream and fail than succeed in never trying. I'd rather move towards something wonderful than stand still and wonder 'what if'.

If you agree, then follow your dreams and be yourself, no matter what they say.

Inspiration & Change

Last Saturday night, we attended a simulcast of the Boy Scouts of America (BSA) Shining Light celebration that capped off the 2010 National Jamboree and celebrated the 100th Anniversary of Scouting in the US. It was a big pep rally kind of show with lots of singing and dancing, speeches of all kinds, and of course, fireworks.

I expected the hoopla, but I never expected to be so proud to have my whole family involved in Scouting (we have a Boy Scout, a Cub Scout, a Cub Master and a Den Leader in our house!), and I never expected to be so inspired to pick myself up and continue giving it my all (I was pretty burned out on Scouts by the end of this last school year). I was inspired by, of all things, a rock band I had never heard of before, called Switchfoot, that performed for the boys.

Between songs, the lead singer talked to the crowd and one thing he said rang out to me loud and clear. He said, "Never believe that you can not change", and he repeated those simple and profound seven words several times. They then performed a song called "Dare You to Move". Those 2 phrases - never believe you can not change and dare you to move - have been percolating around in my brain ever since.

The next day I researched Switchfoot on the Internet and found that they began as a Christian Rock band and have always been very involved in fundraisers and charities of all kinds. Well what do you know, I may need to buy a CD or two from them. Anyway, my point is not to promote a band (although you may want to check them out on YouTube), but to have you consider the possibility of change in your own life...and perhaps to dare you to move, too.

The Cub Scout motto is "Do your best". Behavior and actions are a fine place to start when we're teaching our young children, but as adults, I think "Be your best" has more meaning. Are you the best that you can be? Have you ever stopped to think about who you could be? How big a gap is there between who you are right now and who you have the potential to become? What would it take to get you from here to there? What's holding you back from beginning the journey? Perhaps you've just never thought about it before. Perhaps you don't know where to start. Perhaps old habits and actions get in the way and cause you to turn away from a better path. Perhaps you need to believe in yourself and your support system a little more. Remember: never believe that you can not change.

We can ask all the same questions about your life, too. How is your life right now? How much better could your life be? How vast is the gulf between how your life is right now and what it has the potential to become? What would it take to get you from here to there? Why have you not begun making changes to move you in a more positive direction? Are you cocooned within yourself or are you giving back and sharing your greatness with your community, your family, and your friends? Never believe that you can not change.

My Mom used to say, "Where there is life, there is hope". I agree, and I would add "Where there is life, there is hope for positive change". All we need is a little quiet time to realize that there are better ways to go about this thing called life. Then we need to decide to change and commit ourselves to the process. Then we need to begin to move - and these can be baby steps at first, until we gain some courage and momentum. Along the way we need to allow ourselves to slide back now and then without guilt or shame - we are human, after all, and we are never perfect, but this can not be an excuse to give up or abandon all hope. Persistence must be our friend. Celebrate every little positive step, reward yourself, and keep on going. Learn from your mistakes and keep on going. Share the story of your journey with your closest supporters and keep on going. Celebrate your friends' progress and keep on going. Encourage each other, encourage yourself, and keep on going. Little by little, action by action, thought by thought, day by day, just keep on going.

Before you know it, before you even realize how far you've come, you will be there. You will be the better person you envisioned for yourself. You will be living a life that is closer to your potential. Never believe you can not change.

So now I dare you. I dare you to sit quietly for a while and ponder what could be. I dare you to reach for that goal - to be that better person - to attain that better life - to make a difference for yourself and for others, both near and far. I dare you to move...and to keep on moving...and to inspire others to do the same.

Never believe you can not change. I dare you to move.

Many thanks to Switchfoot for the great inspiration.