Past and Present

Last week I finished listening to an audio recording of the bestselling book, The Help. I started listening while I was working on several sewing projects that I had volunteered to make, but the story was so gripping, there were many times that I just stopped sewing, sat, and listened.

The story takes place in Mississippi during the early 1960's, just as the Civil Rights Movement is beginning and gaining momentum. The primary focus of the book is the nature of race relations during that time period, in that part of the country. What also captured my attention was the interplay between and among the wealthy young white women who formed the "society" of the time...their fears, jealousies, rivalries, and the basis for and fragility of their friendships.

This weekend, the 10th anniversary of the 9/11 terrorist attacks, I've watched several specials on tv - all devoted to remembering. They talk about the horror and destruction, and they also talk about how NY City, and the country, all came together in unprecedented and unexpected ways. All physical differences were forgotten....skin color, age, socioeconomic standing...everyone, friend and stranger alike, just pulled together to help one another survive and cope.

So here we are 50 years after the Civil Rights Movement and 10 years after 9/11 and I have to ask: are we any different? Have we learned anything? Do we treat one another any better than we did before? Are we more compassionate? Do we care more deeply? Do we extend our hand in order to help or just to grab more for ourselves? When we see each other, what do we notice first - our similarities or our differences? Or do we even really see each other at all? And what is it that motivates us?

I have never lived in the South, so I can't speak about that part of the country with any first hand knowledge. I live in the Northeast, in the suburbs, in an affluent town. We have good schools, beautiful parks, houses of worship, libraries, and our fair share of minivans and SUV's. We also have lots of after school activities for our children: various sports teams to play on, clubs to join, and lessons to take.

Where there are groups of children, naturally, there are groups of parents. And where there are groups of adults, there seem to be noses just itching to poke into other people's business and mouths at the ready, spreading news of what the noses have sniffed out. Of course, there also seem to be no lack of ears waiting for the latest and juiciest tidbits that follow that ever popular question, "Did you hear?" And you know as well as I do that 'did you hear' is almost never followed by stories of the generosity, kindness, inherent goodness, bravery, or compassion of the subject. Nope. It seems that our conversations have descended into the realm of sensationalistic tabloids.

It makes me sad to think that 10 short years after 9/11 we're busy picking each other apart rather than supporting each other. We'd rather slam someone behind their back instead of extending a hand of friendship, or at the very least, civil fellowship. We think the only way to raise ourselves up is to push the other guy down. And we do it all within earshot of our children. What are we teaching them?

Those who do not learn from the past are doomed to repeat it.

What have we learned?

Hooray for Summer!

School is done for the year, my children are home, the backpacks have been emptied out, stored away, and are, happily, out of sight! Hooray for summer! May and June were so unbelievably hectic, I had forgotten how blissful unstructured summer days at home could be.

I spent 2 whole days in the vegetable garden - no guilt at not being somewhere else, no rushing into the shower to get ready for a meeting - just time to dig and weed and plant and dream of the great tastes to come. Then there were days of just puttering - wandering around the house and yard doing lots of those little annoying chores that I had been pretending to ignore for what felt like forever. And then there was the big garden bed redesign project - the one I had been dreading because it required lots of hard, physical labor. But my family pitched in and got me started, and I remembered another great thing about summer - do a little bit each day and, before you know it, you've done a lot!

So, thanks to my son and my husband, the big, overgrown shrub and its ugly shrub neighbor have been removed, stumps and all. The stones and weed barrier fabric are disappearing more each day, and my vision for the new flowers and plants is beginning to take shape. If I keep it up, I may even get around to painting that room I've been telling myself to paint for the last 4 years! Hooray for summer, indeed!

While getting all of these projects done is great, I feel the most wonderful thing about summer is the chance to stop and take a breath. I don't mean a wussy little half-hearted inhale. I mean a deep, suck the air way down into your belly breath - you know the of breath that blows the cobwebs right out of your brain. The big, slow, cleansing breath that re-energizes your body and reminds you that you have a heart full of love. The kind of breath that makes you feel like you're 15 pounds lighter and stand 2 inches taller. The kind of breath that roots you firmly to the ground while allowing your spirit to soar to great heights.

I LOVE those breaths. They make me feel that anything is possible - no goal is too lofty, no hurdle is too high, no problem unsolvable, and no cloud is without a silver lining. So why don't I take those energizing, cleansing breaths more often throughout the year? I think I just get so busy, I don't make the time - which is really silly, since it only takes a minute to do. Or maybe I'm so busy that I just forget. Or maybe the breaths don't seem as important as all of my "real" work, so I push them aside for later...which never comes.

I've decided it's time to breathe as though my life depended on it. I will breathe in peace and joy, and breathe out stress and anxiety. I will breathe in love and hope, and breathe out anger and disappointment. I will breathe in positive energy, and breathe out negative self-talk. I will breathe and breathe and remind my children to do the same. Hopefully, I'll keep breathing right through the winter this year and, next year, I'll find more to love about summer.

Until then, I invite you to slow down for a minute or 2 and breathe a deep, deep, cleansing breath. Sigh.....doesn't that feel good?

The Power of Kindness

I have found that there are things in life that I learn, and then, because I get caught up in the itty-bitty details of day-to-day life, I forget. Then I'm happily reminded of them and then life once again gets the best of me, and I forget. Back and forth and up and down it goes. This week I have been reminded, in a big way, of the amazing power of kindness.

One of the things I love to do is volunteer in my children's schools. I like being helpful and useful, I like seeing the students (the little guys are just so adorable!), I like getting to know our teachers and administrators better (they are very interesting folks and I admire their passion and dedication), and, usually, I like the camaraderie of rolling my sleeves up alongside other Moms and Dads to make a positive impact in our schools. I say 'usually' because the last several weeks have been fraught with struggle, angst, and stress. It feels like tornadoes and hurricanes have been whipping by all around me.

Now, if there's one thing no one can ever accuse me of, it's being a quitter. I've been hanging in there, alternately hopeful and discouraged, but the beginning of the week had to be an all time low. Then I happened to bump into an acquaintance who knew some of my struggles, and she very softly and quite sincerely asked how I was doing. I said I was hanging in there and she again, very softly and very sincerely, patted my arm and offered her help. Suddenly, I felt a little ray of sunshine peeking through the dark storm clouds.

As a result of that extremely short and chance encounter, I found I was actually carrying a little bit of hope in my heart all that day. As it turns out, we got a chance to speak again, and I was truly blessed to be on the receiving end of simple human kindness and a great generosity of spirit from this wonderful lady. I instantly felt lighter, literally like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders, and that enabled me to look at my circumstances with new eyes and a new perspective. By the next morning, I was refreshed and ready, not just to carry on, but to forge a new path, with renewed creativity and new ideas.

Kindness - simple, easy, sincere kindness - is such an incredibly powerful thing. Kindness lifts us, inspires us, energizes us, and brings such happiness to a troubled heart. It encourages us to believe in ourselves, to keep trying, and to see that things are not really as impossible as they seem. Kindness wraps itself around us like a treasured and familiar blanket, providing warmth and protection, safety and reassurance, peace and a place to rest and rejuvenate. It fosters creativity and sheds light on options that can usher in solutions, agreement, and harmony. Quite simply, kindness can sometimes feel like a miracle.

Isn't it amazing that something so potent and powerful as kindness doesn't cost anything and doesn't take a whole lot of time or energy to give? Is that why we forget about its power so easily? Or is it because it's understated and unassuming? Truly kind people don't seek or command great public attention or accolades. They don't stand and shout, "Make way for me! Look how special and wonderful I am!" Nope. Truly kind people work their magic softly, gently, and quietly. The knowledge that they tried to help and did a good thing is the only reward they seek. Perhaps that's why we so easily overlook it.

Well, having been the grateful beneficiary of an unexpected and wonderful kindness this week, I vow to keep the cycle of kindness alive and well. What we put out into the world comes back to us seven-fold, so I promise to put kindness out into the world. The more kindness I spread, the more I will receive and hopefully, I'll keep giving and receiving so much that it spills over and splashes onto everyone around me. If you join me, perhaps we can start tsunamis of kindness rolling all over the world. Now wouldn't that be an amazing thing? And isn't that a great way to repay my friend?

So here comes my rallying cry. Go forth, my friends, and practice random acts of kindness. Look for every opportunity to pass it on. Accept kindness when it's offered to you, and repay it out in triplicate, at least. For every 'Oh my God' you utter in shock or despair, say an 'Oh God, help me be kind' prayer. Seize every opportunity that comes your way to intentionally offer kindness...even to those who seem to live just to irk you. Keep it going, round and round, so that we'll not so easily overlook or forget the amazing, healing power of kindness anymore.

Bloom Where You're Planted

It's a chilly, rainy, dark and bleak, early Spring Monday...the kind of day that makes me want to crawl back into bed, pull the covers up over my head and hibernate until the sun comes out again. That, however, is not an option. There's a family to be cared for, chores to be done, a dog to let in and out endless times during the day, and, yes, even a blog post that needs to be written because I have neglected my blog for too many weeks already.

Aside from all the "physical" stuff on my To Do list this week, there are the emotional worries and concerns that I'm wrestling with...the psychological chores that are, unfortunately, a regular occurrence in life. Those are the chores that I really want to hide from when the urge to burrow into my bed arises. Unfortunately, when you get right down to it, while they're not explicitly written down on a list, those are the most important chores of all that I have to do. Those psychological chores carry with them the precise challenges that I need to encourage me to grow, bend, change...and learn.

Bloom where you're planted. I stumbled upon that phrase many years ago, at a time when I was going through a particularly difficult period in my life. I was whining the typical "why me" complaints, holding frequent pity parties for myself, and wearing lots of black because I was grieving all that I thought I had lost. Then out of the blue one day, I saw this phrase - Bloom Where You're Planted. It stopped me in my tracks.

I suddenly thought of beautiful Spring flowers - crocuses, daffodils, hyacinths - all waving in a warm, gentle breeze. They bloom where they're planted. They sit in the ground all winter and then manage to pull, as if by magic, all the nutrients and water out of the dirt that surrounds them (what we gardeners call "soil") to create gorgeous flowers. It made me wonder if I could do the same.

Could I bloom where I was planted? Could I, somehow, pull from the dirt that surrounded me, all that I needed to actually bloom? Could it be that I had been "planted" where I was, in the midst of all that "dirt", for a reason? The answers, of course, were: Yes, You bet, and Absolutely.

Life does get dirty now and then. We find ourselves in situations that are uncomfortable, unpleasant, and downright depressing. Some are the results and consequences of our own decisions and actions...or lack thereof. Some are thrust upon us seemingly out of nowhere. It's not very nice. It's not fun. Sometimes it positively sucks. But our job is to search for the good stuff, pull it out of all the dirt around us, and bloom...not just survive, mind you, not just grow, but bloom.

It's hard work, this blooming thing. It takes courage, strength, fortitude, energy, determination, persistence, patience, and faith - faith in life and its processes, faith in God, and, perhaps the most difficult of all, faith in ourselves and our ability to learn and grow and change. We must believe in our own inherent value and goodness and in the value and goodness of those around us, even when they're behaving like pinheads, to put it mildly. We must shift our perspective, look for new angles, different views, new avenues forward. We must be open to new and different ideas. Read. Listen. Look. Notice.

We must be willing to try and possibly, fail...and try again. Learning and changing is not always a piece of cake and we won't always get it right the first time. That's ok. Pick yourself up, brush off the dirt and try again, perhaps a little differently this time around. Just don't give up. Know that each situation holds both trials and victories. To bloom we've got to move past the trials and get to the good stuff. There are gems in all the dirt that's surrounding us. Find them, learn from them, treasure them, move forward, and keep going.

Never forget that, throughout our lives, we are all a work in progress. It ain't over till it's over and, as long as we're breathing, it ain't over. Quit whining and wishing you were in a different place. Instead, take a long and careful look at where you are and bloom where you're planted.

Death and Life

Usually, the phrase is "Life and Death", but this past month, it's really been death and life around here. We had three deaths in the family and another funeral to attend in as many weeks, which has left me feeling a little like a deer caught in the headlights. I almost don't want to answer the phone anymore.

It took a few days to get back into the swing of things and get my house back in order, and then it took a few more to drag my heart out of the pit it had fallen into, and I'm just now getting to the point of digesting all that we've been through this month.

Death surely does make one appreciate life a lot more, and it reminds us, as nothing else can, just how fragile and precious life is. But that sentiment is so hum-drum, so run-of-the-mill, and uttered so often, it can't be the only lesson here. There must be something else, something deeper and more lasting, or less easily forgotten, less easily pushed aside by our daily routines.

Perhaps it's the simple act of gathering family and those closest to us...reaffirming our ties to one another, sharing our sorrow, sharing our memories, telling and retelling our stories, laughing, crying, sitting together, being together...just being together. Maybe that's the lesson.

Perhaps our routines and commitments have taken over too much of our time. Perhaps we've forgotten to save some time to just be together and savor each other's presence. We're so busy "doing" that we forget to just "be" ... and be together. Spending time together - it sounds so simple, but the demands of life seem to make it almost impossible. We mean to write - we intend to call - we say we'll gather soon, but somehow, other stuff gets in the way.

Doing "stuff" gets us through our To Do lists, but being together does so much more. So maybe it's time to push some of the "stuff" aside and actually gather together for no particular reason, other than it's fun. Maybe we should stop waiting for an "event" and just declare one...it's Saturday so come on over! Sit down, put your feet up, and stay a while. Cut through the initial "how are you's" and get down to the really important things - talking about everything and nothing, sharing and caring, being and breathing and living together, because before we know it, too much time will pass and we may be gathering for another sad event.

Family

I attended a cousin's wedding a couple of weeks ago. It was out of state, requiring airplane flights, hotel stay, rental car, the whole bit. My husband and children were not able to make the trip, so at first, I wasn't going to go. But as the wedding date and RSVP date drew nearer, I felt more and more compelled to make the effort to attend - not out of familial obligation, mind you, but out of a true and deep desire to reconnect with my family. You see, I had not seen my one cousin in 15 years and I had not seen my other cousin in over 25 years. Twenty-five years! That's a lifetime!

I hemmed and hawed and, in the end, my sister (who lives in yet another state) and I left our husbands and children at home and we rendezvoused in Florida for the wedding. It was beyond wonderful to see our first cousins, to meet (for the first time) their grown children, and to be in the company of others who share my last name. How could we have let so much time pass by without getting together? How did so many years go by so quickly? Then I wondered why this event, at this point in time, was different. Why was the family pull so strong?

My Godmother once had a plaque in her kitchen that read "Family is Forever". I loved the sentiment when I read it, and I think that's part of the magic that compelled me to put my regular routines on hold to attend this wedding.

Family members are the first people we meet when we are born into this world. Our family is the group of people who knew us before we knew ourselves. They watched us grow. They grew with us and continue life's journey with us now. We learn together. We learn from each other. We celebrate birthdays, we dance at each other's weddings, we grieve and cry together at funerals, we laugh, we talk, we share.

These threads of connection never fade. They never die. Blood ties remain no matter what. No matter where we go, what we become, where we live - the ties are always there our whole life.

More than that, family is where we belong. In a way, it's a part of who we are and who we become. Blood ties make us more similar than different. Family is the whole of which we are an inextricable part. It's where we fit in no matter how "outsider-ish" we may feel. It's where we started and it's the exclusive club to which we will always belong, no matter what. Family makes one out of many.

Family holds our memories. All at once, family reaches back and carries forward. The elders hold the history, the family lore, and, hopefully, wisdom, which they pass down to the younger generations. The younger ones bear the children who are the family's future. Everyone, each family member, has a role to play, a piece of the puzzle. We share the same roots, the same grandparents, the same religion and culture, traditions, language. We even share the same facial features, eye color, hair color, physical features. We look alike. We sound alike. We move alike. We are one.

So I went to the wedding because way too many years went by without seeing my face reflected in their smiles, without hearing voices that held a quality similar to mine, without hugging those who sprang from the same roots that I did.

And what did I learn? Family truly is forever. Even though a lifetime had passed, I was welcomed with more than open arms. I was missed as I had missed them. I am as important to my cousins as they are to me. My presence filled a hole that they may not have realized was in their family quilt, just as their embraces replaced the faded patches in mine. Even when we don't see each other often, family pulls for us, wishes the best for us, wants us to realize our dreams, hopes with us, dreams with us, and sees the best in us.

Today I am back in my regular life, going through my normal routines, but I am ever so much richer and uplifted for having reconnected and experienced, once again, the love and kindness of my cousins. I am fervently hoping that I see them before another 25 years go by, but I know, no matter what, I have their love and they have mine. And what could be better than that?

The Greatest Gift You Can Give

Here we are at the end of another year. The Holiday rush is winding down. Cards have been mailed, cookies have been baked and shared (and eaten!), gifts have been unwrapped, toys are being played with, and, here in the Northeast, we're digging out of the blizzard of 2010.

Christmas is a memory now, but this year has to go down as one of the best I've had in a while. We celebrated the holiday with family, as we always do, but somehow, this year held a special magic with extra doses of fun and laughter. I've spent the last few days trying to figure out what was different this year, and I think it may be that, 'round about Thanksgiving, I made a conscious decision not to stress. As the Whos down in Whoville taught the Grinch, Christmas would come whether there were boxes and bows, cards and cookies, or not. So I decided to do the best that I could do, not try to live up to some unrealistic, self-imposed expectation, and not worry about it.

As it turns out, I still managed to get all of the things done that I usually do (even if some things got done a bit later than usual) and I managed to actually enjoy it more. Just as the Whos sang on Christmas morning, even without any of the "stuff" that they usually had for Christmas, my heart sang because it was lighter. It was the best gift I've given to myself in some time, and it was a gift to those around me, as well.

Since I wasn't all tied up in knots about what did or didn't get done, I could take in all the joy that Christmas brings, but mostly, being calmer allowed me to see that the best gifts aren't just things. The best gifts are the love, patience, and understanding that we give to one another, and we bestow those gifts by giving of our time and our thoughtfulness.

It is said that actions speak louder than words, so where we put our time and attention speaks volumes about what, and who, is really important to us. Giving Christmas presents is fun, and there's nothing like watching a loved one's face light up with joy when they open a particularly special gift. Let's not forget that what makes a gift special is not the physical thing itself, but what it represents, both to the giver and the receiver. When a present is chosen with thoughtfulness and love, it shows that the giver not only understands what's important to the receiver, but that the giver is supportive and cares about the receiver's interests. It's a symbol of caring and sharing, of nurturing and love. It's a sign that the giver has spent time and emotional energy with the receiver in mind.

As we head into a new year, I'm hoping to keep that thought uppermost in my mind. I'm hoping to remember that the greatest gift I can give to anyone - friend, family member, or even stranger - is my time. I'm hoping to remember that when someone gives me their time, that I take a minute to be grateful, for that's the greatest gift someone can give to me, too.

If we can all be as diligent about giving of ourselves as we are about buying, wrapping, and exchanging Christmas presents, perhaps 2011 will be a year filled with the peace that we all crave.

A Plea for Peaceful Language

Anyone who has ever gone toy shopping for a child quickly discovers that there are "girl toy" aisles and "boy toy" aisles. The "girl aisles" are awash in bright pinks and pastels, offering dolls and kitchen sets, while the "boy aisles" are covered in black and camouflage colors, offering cars, trucks, and "action figures".
As the mother of two boys, I've spent many hours shaking my head in disgust as I see shelf after shelf filled with violence disguised as toys for boys. There are (turn on your best over-excited announcer voice when you read these) Awesome Smashing, Crashing Hot Wheels and Matchbox car sets, MegaMorph Transformers with Realistic Bazooka Blasters, Ultra Long Range Nerf Bombers with Ammo Boosters, and the list goes on and on. Now, for the record, none of these toy names are real - I've made them all up - but they do represent the kinds of toys our children are playing with.

I've had a tough ban on violence in our home, and I have to tell you, it's getting harder and harder to enforce as the years roll by. Why is that? It's because violence is all around us...everywhere...everyday...day in and day out, and I think we've become very blase about it. In fact, I suspect that we're not even consciously aware of most of what we say and hear.

Look at the language, the words and phrases we use everyday. We're fighting crime, fighting hunger, fighting disease, fighting for our rights, fighting against injustice, and fighting to get our economy back on track. When we're not fighting, we're battling. We all have loved ones who are battling cancer, we're battling the bulge, and battling unemployment. When we're not fighting or battling, we're in an all out war. We have the war on terrorism, the war on drugs, and we're waging two real life wars in Iraq and Afghanistan - wars that are taking the very real lives and very real limbs of our country's young men and women.

Is it any wonder that the hottest video game for children this Holiday Season is Call of Duty: Black Ops? No, I did not make that name up - it's for real. And what's very disturbing to me is that copies of this game are flying off the shelves...into our children's hands. We're perpetuating the cycle and passing our numbness onto our little ones, and that is such a frightening notion to me.

Now, don't get me wrong. I'm all for eradicating hunger, poverty, illnesses, injustice, crime, and so on. I just think it's time to shift the way we speak and think about it to a more positive, supportive, and healing vocabulary. Fighting and battling creates hatred and enemies - us against them - without any understanding or empathy, and I think everyone loses in the end. I saw a bumper sticker a while back that said something to the effect of "War doesn't prove who's right, it just shows who's left". Amen to that.

Just think for a second: have you ever seen or heard of any Spiritual Leader or Enlightened One walking around armed to the teeth? Was the Baby Jesus laid in the manger with his beloved M-80? Did the Buddha carry a bazooka? Did Gandhi have a pistol strapped to his ankle? Did Mother Theresa minister to the poor with her trusty Smith and Wesson? No! The very thought is ludicrous.

If we are to follow in the footsteps of those we hold up as Spiritual role models, we need to begin by changing our language and the way we think about our problems. It's not really as hard as it sounds. Instead of fighting cancer, we can Race for the Cure. The same is true for any cause, whether it's medical, political, social, economic, whatever. Leave the negativity behind and move forward, towards the positive. Research and find the root causes. Provide treatment and promote healing. Explore alternatives. Be open to new ideas and ancient healing practices. Share. Talk. Listen. Understand. Learn. Try. But, for heaven's sake, please let's stop fighting all the time.

A Mother's Love

I'm a full time Mom, but at one time (long ago, in a galaxy far, far away, so it seems) I worked outside the home. I had business cards with my name boldly printed on them, along with a fancy title meant to impress others and convey my importance in this world. I had succinctly composed goals and objectives. My progress was reviewed annually and my salary was adjusted commensurate to my performance. When people asked what I did, I had a great and impressive answer and it generated lots of questions and conversation. In short, I was working and I had value in the eyes of others.

Now I'm a full time Mom. I don't receive a paycheck or an electronic funds transfer once a month. I don't get personal or sick days off. I don't get paid vacation days. No company holidays either. My goals are long ranging, far reaching, and sometimes difficult to articulate. My objectives are fuzzy and can often shift from day to day or hour to hour. When people ask what I do and I answer that I'm a full time Mom, I get a rather sickly sweet smile and a nod and all conversation comes to a screeching halt. No questions...no interest...nothing.

Sometimes I press on and say that I LOVE what I do - which is the absolute truth - and I say that I work harder now than I ever did in the corporate world - which is also absolutely true. Then I get that question - you know the one - "do you think you'll ever go back to work?" as though Motherhood is a temporary blip of insanity in an otherwise sane and properly lived life. I usually say, "absolutely not", but what I REALLY want to say is something more along the lines of, "I know you think I gave up something grand and important just to wash clothes and vacuum carpets, but really, I gave up nothing and I have gained everything. And, if I spend all of my day and all of my week giving my time and energy to the corporate world, who will love my children?"

I have nothing against working Moms and Dads, and I know they love their children deeply. Some people enjoy working and they're probably happier people and are, therefore better parents because they're happy. But that's not who I am, and that's not how I feel I best express my deep, deep love for my children.

A Mother's love is indescribably deep and wide. It's unconditional, ever enduring, unending, and it has an amazing quality that makes you feel like it's a real, tangible thing that you can actually touch, while also feeling like you could never possibly hold it all in your arms at once. It feels like you are surrounded by it on the outside, and yet you hold it all inside of you, all at the same time. A Mother's love begins before the child is born and lasts forever and ever. I heard a woman once say that a Mother's love is the Mother load. Yes indeed, it is.

I would love, just once, when someone asks what I do and I tell them I'm a full time Mom, to have them smile in amazement, shake their head with wonder, and say something like, "That is such an important task and I am so impressed that you devote so much of your time and energy to your children's physical, emotional, and spiritual well-being." I am, after all, touching the future.

Pray All Ways

Every week in my parish, there's a theme or core message for Sunday Mass that I also think of as a meditation or an idea to ponder for the week. The phrase this morning was "Pray always", which I take to mean pray through the day and the week and all through your life. Every relationship needs open lines of communication and prayer is a good way to communicate with God to keep that relationship strong, so praying is a good thing.

I got to thinking, what if, instead of 'always' it could be 'all ways'. Pray all ways. Pray with your words, with your heart, with your actions and deeds, with your hands, with your intentions...all ways. Well, that kicks it up a notch, wouldn't you say?

My Mom always used to say "a thought is a prayer". Just thinking of someone is a prayer for their good health and safety; it's a prayer for peace in their life and in their heart. Thinking can be praying.

Actions can be prayers. Hugging a frightened child, caring for someone who's ill, holding the hand of a grieving friend are all prayers for healing and comfort, and they all involve using our hands in active prayer.

Even our very breathing can be praying. When my husband and I were first trying to have a baby, every breath I took seemed to be a prayer for fertility. The second I saw a positive result on the pregnancy test, my breathing instantly became prayers of thanksgiving.

We can even find prayer in the most mundane, unglamorous, tedious everyday chores. Laundering countless pounds of dirty clothes, can be a prayer that my family walks out the door each morning securely wrapped in Mom's love and affection. Planning and preparing meals can be a prayer that my family is always healthy and well-nourished. Washing endless piles of dirty dishes, can be a prayer for a clean slate - that we forgive each other's mistakes and start fresh. Weeding the garden, can be a prayer for clarity - that I see and nurture my children's goodness.

Even writing this blog can be a prayer...that somehow, somewhere along the line, my words can have a positive impact or influence on another person's life.

I think an important part of Praying All Ways is to do it intentionally, and by that I mean, to be aware of the prayer. Be aware of God working with you and through you to bring goodness into another's life. Be aware of the power of the smallest of gestures to lift someone's mood or alter the course of their day for the better. Know that the mundane and tedious actions (prayers) are, in many ways, far more important and powerful than the public, and perhaps glamorous ones.

Yup, "Pray All Ways" is a powerful phrase to ponder, and it's an even more powerful gift to give to the world. So please, join with me and pray all ways.

What Do You Stand For?

I've spent the last two days trying to recover from a nasty sinus infection, so when I haven't been sleeping, I've been watching way too much daytime tv. You know, there's really lots of nothing on all day and it all seems to be paid for by the same sponsors...it's amazing.

Since Election Day is drawing near, 'tis the season for political ads and smear campaigns. Everyone calls everyone else a liar and a cheat, everyone promises to clean up the County, State, or Municipality, everyone has vast experience, and, lately, everyone is an outsider who will bring fresh views and ideas to the job. I don't mean to be cynical, but I've been voting for some time now, and I have yet to see any great revolutions in the way government is run on any level. But that's not the point I'd like to make right now.

Candidates always try to differentiate themselves by what they stand for. Now, most of us will never run for public office, but I think it's worth while to ponder the question, 'What do you stand for?'

What does it mean to 'stand for' something, anyway? It means you believe in it, you support it, you'd vote for it, but is that as far as you'll go? Will you 'stand up' and 'stand out' for it? Will you speak out for it? Will you risk criticism or sidelong glances from others or put your money where your mouth is by donating money or your time to the cause? Will you write letters and sign your name? Will you stand for something by standing behind your words, meaning will you say what you believe in public and not just when you're working the grapevine or gossip circuit? And, perhaps most important of all, will you live by your own words? Will you walk the talk and, in so doing, inspire others to join you?

These are all important questions because they have the power and the potential to influence our decisions and actions, both large and small, on a daily basis. For example, I believe in leaving as small a footprint on this Earth as I can - I'm green (maybe I should type that Green), and have lived that way for many years.
I have an organic garden and compost my kitchen scraps (my husband calls me a dirt farmer). My electricity needs are not just met, but are exceeded by the solar panels mounted on my garage roof. When it was time to redo the kitchen, I opted for cork flooring and Ice Stone counter tops. I hang laundry on my clothesline to dry. I cook in my solar oven whenever possible. I buy organic produce as often as I can. I purchase recycled products as much as possible. And the list goes on. My point is, being green (or Green, as the case may be) influences, or maybe even drives, my little day-to-day choices as well as my big ticket buying decisions, and I think that's a good thing. Environmental responsibility is not the only thing I stand for, but it's certainly on my top 5 list.

It's important to know where you stand and to 'walk the talk' because then you can live honestly and authentically. You can be yourself and be true to your values. You can think about and work on things that are important to you. You can live with integrity, and that is a mighty powerful, satisfying, and liberating place to be.

So the question is: what do you stand for? What drives your day-to-day choices and decisions? Is it something that you can be proud of? If it is, that's wonderful. If it isn't, then change it. Life is too short to continue down unworthy and uninteresting paths. If you have no idea, then perhaps it's time for some quiet time and introspection so that you can figure it out. If you can't put it into words, you can't put it into practice, and that's no way to go about life.

Know Where You're From

My last two weeks have been filled with angst. Stress, frustrations, irritations...you name it. It was not a fun time. All the while, I tried to resolve the situations one by one, rushing to fight the proverbial fires here and there, never feeling like I got anywhere and getting more and more irritated and exhausted by the hour.

My husband and boys went camping this weekend, which gave me a great opportunity to chill out, breathe, and see if I could find the big picture view to put the last 2 weeks into perspective. On my way to the library, I was listening to a Bob Marley CD. The lyrics to one of his songs go like this, "We know where we're going. We know where we're from." And there it was - the perspective to help me rise above it all and dump the angst.

I know from whence I come. All 4 of my grandparents were immigrants from Poland. They came with next to nothing and built lives and and raised families in a strange country. They may not have been educated and they certainly were not wealthy, but they were not afraid of hard work and they learned whatever they needed to know to raise their children and make sure they were educated. My grandparents were strong people, both physically and spiritually, whose courage, determination, and perseverance is at the root of the U.S. branch of my family tree.

As every gardener knows, what comes in through the roots of a plant is used to send out blossoms and, once those flowers are pollinated, ultimately nourish the fruit. As the roots of my tree, my grandparents' strength, courage, determination, and perseverance is in me. I come from a family of survivors. They faced fears and jumped over hurdles that I'm sure I can not begin to imagine, so why should I let some day-to-day irritations get the better of me? I don't have to leave my country for a chance at a better life somewhere else, I don't have to worry about feeding my family, I don't have to worry about my children's health or their educational opportunities. Life is relatively easy.

Once I remembered where I come from and how far we have come in 2 short generations, the stress and frustration of the past weeks melted away. I regained my focus, realizing that I'm a survivor. I'm strong and courageous. I live my convictions and teach my children to do the same. Nothing and no one will trample me for long, for I have the fortitude and perseverance to get right back up again and keep on going.

I tell you all of this so that, when life gets difficult, you, too may remember and draw strength from where you have come. We've all been beaten up by life. We've all lived through crises, drama, and trauma. And we are all still (hopefully) going forward.

Know where you're going and know where you're from. Look back for strength, look forward with hope and conviction, and keep following the path that you know to be right for you.

Go Within & Live It Out

I was watching a rerun of Oprah the other day and Diane Sawyer was talking to a fan of hers who is a newscaster on a local Illinois television station. In the conversation, Ms. Sawyer said (and I'm paraphrasing) 'As long as what you care about on the inside matches what you're doing on the outside, you'll have rocket fuel to power your life and your dreams'. Wow, isn't that a powerful statement?

I think sometimes we manage to demonstrate our values by behaving and living in a particular way, but it seems to me that we could all use a booster when it comes to actually matching what's inside us to what we're doing in the world. First, we have to know, and be able to articulate, what we care about and what really is inside us. The things we care about are probably fairly easy to identify, but what is really inside us? That seems to be a bit harder.

Now, perhaps Ms. Sawyer was just speaking about career choices and paths when she used the words 'what's inside us', but I want to challenge us all to take a broader meaning to those words. I want to challenge us to include all of our values, all of our hopes, and all of our dreams, for ourselves and for future generations. What's inside us also includes our life purpose, our destiny, our unique potential for greatness, in short, our soul's reason for coming into this life via this human body at this time in history.

In order to know what's inside us, we need to answer: Who am I and why am I here? Not an easy task, I know. It takes a journey inward, patience, sometimes courage, and a true desire to live a fabulous life being all you are meant to be. But first, we must be willing to enjoy some quiet time away from the hustle and bustle of our daily routines. Set aside your To Do list for 10 minutes - don't worry, it won't disappear - and just close your eyes and breathe. Let your body relax for a change. Embrace the quiet and the stillness and let your worries drift away. Then, when you feel calm, ask yourself "What's inside me?" or "Why am I here?" I know it sounds silly to ask yourself such questions, but if you don't already know, how will you find out if you don't ask?

Now comes the tricky part. Just let the answers drift into your mind - don't judge or criticize them, don't censor them, don't push them away because you think they're silly - just let the answers come.

If you set aside time to be still and listen every couple of days, you'll soon begin to piece together a fairly good picture of who you are and why you're here. Then you can begin aligning what you're doing on the outside with what's really on the inside.

I call that Going Within and Living it Out. We journey inward to reacquaint ourselves with our spirit, then we take the wisdom and beauty we find there, bring it out, live it, and share it with the world. It's kind of like a caterpillar cocooning itself and then emerging as a beautiful butterfly.

So I challenge each of us to spend a little time cocooning, beginning a journey within, and listening to our hearts and souls. Then live it out and let's see how many wondrous changes we can create in our lives, in our families, and in our world.

Being True to You

I've noticed that I write about song lyrics quite often. I guess certain tunes and phrases get stuck in my head, which then causes me to ponder what they mean to me and how they apply to life, in general. Well, here I go again.

Sting wrote a song called Englishman in New York and in it, there's a line that says, "Be yourself, no matter what they say". I have always loved that line.

With 2 children in grade school, I'm very aware of peer pressure and the desire to 'fit in' and 'be like everyone else'. I know that, not only will it intensify in High School, it will be around in one form or another, all through their lives. We tell our children to think for themselves and that, just because everyone else is doing something, it doesn't mean that they have to do it, too. Through the years, how many NY Moms have asked in exasperation, "If all your friends were jumping off the Brooklyn bridge, would you jump, too?!" We're telling our children, and rightfully so, to choose right over wrong, to be true to the values taught and lived at home, and to stand up for what they believe in.

We may share common interests, but we are not all carbon copies of one another, nor should we be. We are different because of our unique talents and gifts. We have different thought processes. We have different life experiences. We have different cultural and religious backgrounds. We have different customs and traditions. Most importantly, we have different life lessons, different things to accomplish in our lifetime, and different purposes on this planet. We each have a greatness to which we should rise, but each greatness is unique, not the same, and all together they are complementary.

We each need to take the path that will lead us to our highest potential, not necessarily the most well-worn path that everyone else chooses. This is often a difficult thing to do. People may say nasty and unkind things to us. People may laugh at our hopes and dreams. People may put obstacles in our way or just not help us to get over a hurdle. People may gossip and talk behind our backs. These people may be those we thought were friends, so their words and actions hurt. These people may be family, so their words and actions cause us to question the validity of our hopes and dreams.

Quite often, it takes strength to stay true to our values, to our hopes and dreams, to who we are and who we are meant to be. It takes strength to forge a new path and to make a new mold for ourselves, instead of trying to fit into the mold that everyone else thinks we should fit into. It takes strength to be ourselves, no matter what they say.

But remember that words can never be as strong as dreams. While it's true that words have a certain amount of power because they carry energy and can convey emotion, when people say hurtful or negative things, the words are coming from their brains, from a place of thinking and judging. Their brains are hastily throwing out words in an attempt to push us back into the mold they think we belong in. It's a knee-jerk reaction caused by fear.

Fear of what? Who knows. Perhaps it's a fear of change - if you can change, then they may feel inadequate by not changing. Perhaps it's fear of failure - if you succeed by moving, then they can be seen as failing because they are standing still. Perhaps it's jealousy - a fear that you'll achieve greater financial success, or greater joy in life than they have. Perhaps it's fear of losing ground in their social network - other people will like you better in your new role, not just because of your new role, but because you're happier and more fun to be around. These people may think they're judging you when, in reality, they are really judging themselves, and concluding that they are not measuring up.

Dreams are far stronger than hastily cast off words because dreams are desires of the heart. Their power comes from a place of feeling, a more centered place, a more spiritual place, a place that holds love instead of judgement. Dreams are whispers from our souls and they carry a great and profound truth about who and where we are meant to be.

Only those who are secure enough in themselves to set their own thinking and egos aside can listen to our dreams with open and caring hearts. These are the people who will support us and rejoice in every step we take towards our goal, no matter how tentative or how small. These are the people who will not judge us, for their words will come from their hearts where very little judgement lies. They may not share our dream, they may not understand our dream, but they will support us in working towards whatever dreams we may have.

So be yourself, no matter what they say. Let those who think themselves to be superior sit in judgement, and know that they are only judging themselves. Let their words drift up and away from you in a cloud of smoke. Hold close those who are true cheerleaders and supporters. Don't worry, you will know the difference between the two...in fact, you already do. And if, by chance, you mistake a judger for a supporter, don't waste your energy being hurt and ashamed. Just carry on and know that dreams are more powerful than words.

I don't want to disappoint anyone, but, if I am pushed into a corner where I must choose, I would rather disappoint other people than disappoint myself. I'd rather live the fabulous life that my soul knows I can live, instead of the life that another person thinks is best for me. I'd rather reach for a dream and fail than succeed in never trying. I'd rather move towards something wonderful than stand still and wonder 'what if'.

If you agree, then follow your dreams and be yourself, no matter what they say.

Inspiration & Change

Last Saturday night, we attended a simulcast of the Boy Scouts of America (BSA) Shining Light celebration that capped off the 2010 National Jamboree and celebrated the 100th Anniversary of Scouting in the US. It was a big pep rally kind of show with lots of singing and dancing, speeches of all kinds, and of course, fireworks.

I expected the hoopla, but I never expected to be so proud to have my whole family involved in Scouting (we have a Boy Scout, a Cub Scout, a Cub Master and a Den Leader in our house!), and I never expected to be so inspired to pick myself up and continue giving it my all (I was pretty burned out on Scouts by the end of this last school year). I was inspired by, of all things, a rock band I had never heard of before, called Switchfoot, that performed for the boys.

Between songs, the lead singer talked to the crowd and one thing he said rang out to me loud and clear. He said, "Never believe that you can not change", and he repeated those simple and profound seven words several times. They then performed a song called "Dare You to Move". Those 2 phrases - never believe you can not change and dare you to move - have been percolating around in my brain ever since.

The next day I researched Switchfoot on the Internet and found that they began as a Christian Rock band and have always been very involved in fundraisers and charities of all kinds. Well what do you know, I may need to buy a CD or two from them. Anyway, my point is not to promote a band (although you may want to check them out on YouTube), but to have you consider the possibility of change in your own life...and perhaps to dare you to move, too.

The Cub Scout motto is "Do your best". Behavior and actions are a fine place to start when we're teaching our young children, but as adults, I think "Be your best" has more meaning. Are you the best that you can be? Have you ever stopped to think about who you could be? How big a gap is there between who you are right now and who you have the potential to become? What would it take to get you from here to there? What's holding you back from beginning the journey? Perhaps you've just never thought about it before. Perhaps you don't know where to start. Perhaps old habits and actions get in the way and cause you to turn away from a better path. Perhaps you need to believe in yourself and your support system a little more. Remember: never believe that you can not change.

We can ask all the same questions about your life, too. How is your life right now? How much better could your life be? How vast is the gulf between how your life is right now and what it has the potential to become? What would it take to get you from here to there? Why have you not begun making changes to move you in a more positive direction? Are you cocooned within yourself or are you giving back and sharing your greatness with your community, your family, and your friends? Never believe that you can not change.

My Mom used to say, "Where there is life, there is hope". I agree, and I would add "Where there is life, there is hope for positive change". All we need is a little quiet time to realize that there are better ways to go about this thing called life. Then we need to decide to change and commit ourselves to the process. Then we need to begin to move - and these can be baby steps at first, until we gain some courage and momentum. Along the way we need to allow ourselves to slide back now and then without guilt or shame - we are human, after all, and we are never perfect, but this can not be an excuse to give up or abandon all hope. Persistence must be our friend. Celebrate every little positive step, reward yourself, and keep on going. Learn from your mistakes and keep on going. Share the story of your journey with your closest supporters and keep on going. Celebrate your friends' progress and keep on going. Encourage each other, encourage yourself, and keep on going. Little by little, action by action, thought by thought, day by day, just keep on going.

Before you know it, before you even realize how far you've come, you will be there. You will be the better person you envisioned for yourself. You will be living a life that is closer to your potential. Never believe you can not change.

So now I dare you. I dare you to sit quietly for a while and ponder what could be. I dare you to reach for that goal - to be that better person - to attain that better life - to make a difference for yourself and for others, both near and far. I dare you to move...and to keep on moving...and to inspire others to do the same.

Never believe you can not change. I dare you to move.

Many thanks to Switchfoot for the great inspiration.

Manners, Please

Have you noticed that in recent years people have, in general, become less and less polite to one another? Have you noticed a marked decline in good manners and common courtesy? Have you noticed that everyone wants something from everyone else, but very few people are willing to give of themselves to another? Have you noticed that, in general, the workers in Customer Service departments have no clue what service means?

I have noticed all of these things and instead of getting better, I think we're getting worse. I've been trying to give people the benefit of the doubt by thinking that perhaps I've entered a stage in life where I can say that I was raised in different era, but even that's wearing thin. There's just no excuse for rudeness.

I can't tell you how many birthday party invitations I send to my boys' classmates that remain unacknowledged and unanswered. I clearly include an "RSVP by" date, along with a telephone number AND an email address. What can be easier than typing a quick note that says, "Sorry we can't come, but we hope you have a good time". My favorites are the Moms who call the morning of the party asking if it's too late for their precious little princess to join in the fun. Yes, as a matter of fact, it is too late. I'm very sorry they're disappointed, but my son was disappointed that you could not be bothered to respond over the last 2 weeks.

I can't tell you how may times my boys have attended birthday parties and never received a thank you note...not even an email thank you note, for heaven's sake. Not only is that annoying, it's rude.

If you receive an invitation, you respond. If you receive a gift (no matter how hideous you may think it is), you send a thank you note because someone was thinking of you and went out of their way to do something nice for you. When someone does something nice for you, you say "thank you". And when someone thanks you for doing something nice, you say, "You're welcome". How hard is that? The words "excuse me" and "please" are very handy, too.

And don't get me started on the grocery store. I can't count the number of times I've seen little old ladies in the middle of a crowded aisle, stretching to their full 4 feet in height, desperately reaching for that container stored all the way on the tippy top shelf with not a single soul offering to help. One little old man actually tried climbing up onto the refrigerator unit in the dairy aisle to reach a yogurt. It took all of 2 seconds of my time to say, "Oh, let me help you with that. Which one would you like?" At first his face registered shock and disbelief that I actually offered to help, and then his face glowed with the sheer joy of being helped. The look on his and his wife's faces lifted my spirits for the rest of the day.

While waiting to deplane on a recent airline flight, I saw an older woman trying to snag the handles of her carry on luggage with the hook of her cane because she couldn't bend over to pick it up with her hands. There were about 20 people standing around gawking at her, yet no one offered to help. So I stopped in the aisle (much to the dismay of all the people behind me who had very important places to be in a very big hurry), and said, "Please let me hand that to you" while picking the bag up for her to take. Again, disbelief showed on her face, followed by utter joy. Now was that so hard?

I'm sorry for ranting (apologizing seems to be another lost art, by the way), but I've found that more and more of us are being rude to each other more and more often these days, and I think it's time to stop. I've been busy teaching Religious Education to First Graders this past week, and if they can remember to use their good manners, the rest of us can, too. I don't care what your religion, when or where you were born and raised, or what your financial status, you can be polite to those around you - and that includes friends, strangers, AND family members.

We all want to be liked. We all want to matter. We all want to be acknowledged. We all want to have friends. We all want to be loved for who we are. And, as I've been teaching my students, we are all important and special in the eyes of God. If God says we're valuable, who are we to argue or treat each other as anything less than special?

So please, go out there and be kind. Use your good manners. Remember those magic words that Mom taught you - please and thank you - and use them often. Treat your friends and family the way you would like to be treated, and if, by chance, you mess up, say you're sorry. When someone apologizes to you, open your heart and extend your forgiveness. We're all human and we all make mistakes (yeah, I know some of them are whoppers, but, hey, some of us take a little longer to catch on than others).

Thank you for reading.

Funny Summer Happenings

When I started this blog, I promised myself that I would post at least once a week so that: (1) there would be plenty of new stuff to keep readers coming back and, hopefully, recommending the blog to their friends, and (2) I could exercise my writing skills on a regular basis and see where my meanderings might take me. As my Thursday self-imposed deadline fast approached with no great inspiration anywhere in sight, I started slipping into disappointment until it dawned on me that everyone needs a few days off now and then...especially in the summer.

As I spent the morning blowing bubbles with my children (keeping the vow that I made earlier in the Spring - yea me!), I realized that I've been chuckling at myself as I tackle outdoor chores lately (which is a good thing) and laughing with my boys a lot more lately (which is a very good thing). So I thought I might take a short break from ponderings and musings and share some of my chuckles with you.

We are blessed with a very prolific vegetable garden (organic, of course), and last week I noticed that the basil plants (which really resemble bushes more than plants) were beginning to flower. Since flowering takes energy away from the leaves and makes them taste bitter, I always give the plants a trim to clip the flower buds before they bloom. Last week we had a blistering heatwave and the last place I wanted to be during the day was under the hot sun in the garden, so I decided to wait until early evening to venture out and trim the basil. There I was, round about sundown, happily snipping away and humming in the garden, when the old tv show, The Addams Family, popped into my head.

The Addams family would stay inside all day and go out to moon bathe at night. Morticia, the Mom, used to prune her roses by snipping off the flowers and commenting on how lovely the thorns were that year. What started out as a logical progression for me and my garden tending, ended up rather funny as the tv show's theme song ran through my head...finger snapping and all. There I was, alone in the garden, nearly in the dark, happily cutting flowers off of plants, chuckling to myself. The more I chuckled, the more I realized how silly I looked, and I ended up laughing at myself even more...which, of course, made the whole scene spiral into complete silliness. Maybe you had to be there.

Then there was the mouse in the compost bin. We have 3 large wooden compost boxes and, unfortunately, mice love to chew through wood to get to our kitchen scraps. Aside from Mickey, I don't really like mice very much at all. Anything that scurries give me the creeps, and mice are exceptionally good at scurrying - ergo, they gotta go.

There I was at about 9:00 this morning (trying to beat the heat on the other side of Noon this time) hauling the (mostly) finished compost from the bin into the garden. If anyone remembers the theme song to Green Acres, feel free to start humming it right about now. My pitchfork is used so often, the tines are still shiny. Luckily, the bin was nearly empty, so I switched to the coal shovel to transfer the last of the compost into my trusty wheelbarrow, when I heard a high pitched squeak and saw a little brown mouse scurrying around the bin, frantically looking for a hiding spot. I let out a hoot, dropped the shovel (with a rather loud clang, I might add), jumped back about 3 feet and managed to squelch the urge to frantically look for a hiding spot of my own. Instead, I assessed my options and took the more mature route of carefully setting my shovel into the wheelbarrow and walking away until later, but not until I announced to the mouse that I was leaving and it was cordially invited to exit my compost bin. I hope no one saw me talking to a wooden box.

About 3 hours later (hey, I wasn't taking any chances!), I announced to my boys, "Ok, here's the plan." They know their Mom well enough to know that those words are not usually a good omen for them, so they looked at me with more than a little trepidation and just silently awaited the announcement of their upcoming fate. "Once you're finished with your ice pops, you're going to come stand by the compost bins to give me moral support." After a 3 minute conversation explaining the concept of "moral support", and after another 5 minutes of explaining why I needed it ("Well how big is this mouse, anyway?" "It's really small, but creepy."), we set off to confront the rodent.

I carried the tarp, #1 son carried the rake, and #2 son scouted out a good location - out of the way of rampaging mice, yet still within viewing distance. I laid the tarp out in front of the bin, climbed up on top of the adjoining bin and grabbed the rake (yup, I looked pretty silly standing on top of a compost bin with a rake in my hands). My plan was to rake the last of the compost out onto the tarp; thus encouraging the mouse, if it was still there, to relocate. But I needed to be away from the front of the bin so that the mouse wouldn't have to run past me. Don't even think about asking what I would have done if the mouse decided to run up the side of the bin and out over the top...I shudder at the thought.

Well, all of this drama ended rather anticlimactically (thank goodness!) because the mouse was no where to be seen...even though #2 son yelled "Mouse!" once or twice while I raked, just to torment me. Unbelievably, neither of my children found this episode bizarre; they just shrugged, accepted my heartfelt thanks for their support, and went back to blowing bubbles...blissfully unaware that not one of their schoolmates will ever have an experience anything like this...ever. Am I a great Mom or what?

So there you have some of my silly doings over the last couple of weeks. It's important not to take ourselves too seriously - we all get ourselves into funny predicaments and we all need to laugh our way out of them. May we all see the humor in our everyday comings and goings, and may we share them with abandon and laugh our way through the year.

Make the Most of What You've Got

It's been a hot and humid week here in the Northeast with daily heat and health advisories. Everyone's complaining about the weather and doing their best to beat the heat. Of course, we are the same folks who complained about the cold, ice, and snow just 6 short months ago...funny how that happens.

Anyway, instead of complaining, I decided to go with the heat and use it to my advantage. One day my son and I dragged all of our throw rugs and area rugs out onto the driveway and washed them all down. Slung over the swing set and backs of chairs, they dried in no time. We made sure to have a water fight in the midst of it all, just to make it more fun, and once we were wet it was rather pleasant outside. In fact, we celebrated the completion of our chore by sitting outside and sharing some ice pops. It was great!

The next day I did lots of laundry and hung it all outside on the clothesline. Why pay to make more heat with the dryer when nature was making too much heat outside for free? As soon as one load was done in the washer, the previous load was bone dry on the line. Easy as pie, I had all of our laundry washed, folded, and put away - including all the bed sheets - and it cost me next to nothing.

So I got to thinking (as is my usual habit) about turning disadvantages into advantages in other areas of life...you know, the old "If God gives you lemons, make lemonade" way of thinking. Sometimes it's as easy as shifting your perspective. Sometimes it takes a little thought and cleverness (like getting your children to help with a boring and mundane chore during a heatwave). Sometimes it takes a bit of creativity. Sometimes it takes a loving nudge in the right direction from a loved one. Sometimes it takes persistence, willpower, and some emotional flexibility. But it always ends up more than worth while and much better than you ever could have imagined.

So why don't we do it more often? Why are we stuck in the moaning and groaning rut? Why don't we quit the bellyaching and get into a positive frame of mind more quickly? Why don't we nudge and encourage each other more often?

Is it resistance to change? Are we so used to feeling helpless and crummy, we don't even realize that there's another alternative? Is it inertia? It's easier to do the same thing we've always done, rather than changing and trying something new? Is it lack of vision? We just can't seem to see or imagine any other alternative? Is it lack of spiritual or emotional confidence? If I try some new way and it doesn't work out very well, will anyone be there to support me, pick me up, or cheer me on? Are we stuck in the blame game? I can't do this or that because it's too hot/too cold, too early/too late, too hard/ridiculously easy, or he/she/it makes it impossible for me.

Whatever it is that's holding us back, it's time to flip those negatives into positives and pop ourselves into a new and better groove. It's time to take an honest look at what we've got to work with at any given moment and turn it to our advantage. It's time to make the most of what we've got. Why? Because life is too short to wallow in self-pity and negativity. Because we are role models for all the children around us, and we want them to learn how to make the most out of their lives. And because it's so much more fun to enjoy what we have and where we are than it is to be grousing all the time.

Where do we begin? It's always best to start with something small, so the next time you hear yourself complaining about the heat, go wash something outside...and get yourself wet, too...and maybe enjoy an ice pop. The next time you think, "oh no!" when you see a snow storm, notice how beautiful the bare tree limbs look blanketed with snow. Maybe even bundle up and stand outside for a bit enjoying the hushed silence a snow storm brings and get some fresh air into your lungs while you're at it.

Once you've stopped blaming the weather for all sorts of inconveniences in your life, try your hand at something a little more challenging. When you hit an emotional roadblock, sit back, take a breath, and decide to look for alternatives. Notice that you don't have to commit to any course of action, just look for a different route. Say a prayer, ask a friend for advice, or just decide to be open to different possibilities.

Did you ever look at your house from your neighbor's yard or look at your neighborhood on Google Earth? Doesn't it look really different from those perspectives? Well, imagine your situation from your neighbor's point of view or from a bird's eye view. Maybe you'll see something totally different than you usually do and it will help you flip an emotional negative into a positive.

Let yourself imagine what it might be like to react differently than you usually do. If you're shy, imagine what it would be like to walk into a room full of people and say hello to someone. I'm not saying you have to actually do it, I'm just saying imagine what it might be like to try it and have it go well. If you're impatient with lines and waiting your turn, imagine how much nicer it would be to be unfazed by an unexpected slowdown, and how much more pleasant your exchanges with people around you might be.

I think, in the end, it's all about understanding that we are not in control of life, its processes, events, or other people. I think, in the end, it's all about understanding that we can only control our own selves and our own reactions, and surrendering to that reality. But that's a whole other discussion for a whole new post.

Until then, get out there and make the most of what you've got, no matter what it is.

Wisdom

About 15 years ago, I was coming out of a concert with a friend of mine and we were noticing that we were probably the oldest people in the whole arena. She turned to me and said, "Don't you wish we could be that young again?" and I immediately (and truthfully) replied, "No." My friend gave me a funny look, so I told her that my teens and twenties were full of rough times that I don't ever want to relive, but, more importantly, I now have wisdom that I could not possibly have had at that age.

Today I'm celebrating my 50th birthday (which is why age has been on my mind!), and I have to tell you that while it feels a little odd to have the word "fifty" attached to the words "I am", I'm truly happy to be exactly where I am now.

Our culture is so focused on youth and the external veneer of looking young, from cosmetics to plastic surgery and everything in between. But a veneer is just that - it's not solid and real, it's a deception, a denial of real life. Personally, I prefer to focus on the internal...to feel strong and energetic, happy and carefree, grateful and hopeful. I live by the theory that how I am feeling and living on the inside will just naturally be revealed on the outside. I also look for and embrace Life Lessons, which bring learning and growing, knowledge, and wisdom.

I cherish wisdom for the many gifts that it brings:
- deep, deep gratitude for where I am, physically and spiritually
- deep gratitude for the people who share my daily journey...my husband and children
- deep gratitude for my extended family and my dearest friends
- an understanding that not every battle needs to be fought
- true patience with life's annoyances because, as my Mom used to say, "This, too, shall pass"
- the understanding that I am not obliged to agree with others' opinions of me or my work
- a deep trust in my intuition, my gut feel, my hunches, and my connection to the Divine
- the knowledge that kindness and pure intentions win out over belligerence and deception every time
- the ability to shift my point of view, to look at a situation from a different angle, to see choices where others might say there are none
- the understanding that, while I may not be able to change a situation, I can always change my reaction to it
- the ability to live, act, speak, and walk with grace

Yup, today I turn 50 and I do not accept the notion that age necessitates decrepitude. Rather, I embrace the wisdom of the elders and I look forward to many more years of experience and learning, and many more birthdays to celebrate.

When your next birthday rolls around, may you have the wisdom to do the same.

Valuable You

In the midst of all of my family's End-of-the-School-Year activities, I've been mulling over what I wanted to say next on this blog, and it was my 5th grader's teachers and bus driver who finally inspired me. Of course, they have no idea they did this, and that makes their seed of inspiration that much more powerful.

Whenever teachers and parents get together, they naturally talk about the children. Parents want to get the "inside scoop" of what goes on in the classroom and how their child is doing, and teachers look for ways to compliment and encourage the parents and student.

We all know that a good student is a joy to teach and a valuable asset to any classroom, but what makes a "good student"? Well, in various conversations this afternoon, I heard the teachers saying things like, she's so caring and sensitive, he has a heart of gold, she's wonderfully conscientious, it was so nice to see how s/he really opened up during the year, and I wish we had a classroom full of students like him. The teachers were grateful for good behavior, but they were really focusing in on character traits and on who the children are and what's in their hearts and souls. I never once heard, oh she's a great student because her clothes are so nice, oh he has the most expensive school supplies, or she has the best backpack. It even sounds silly to read things like that, doesn't it?

That observation lead me to think about people, in general. We all know that a good person is a joy to be around and a valuable asset to the neighborhood and community. So what makes a "good person"? If we follow the lead of my son's teachers, a good person is defined by their character and what's in their heart and soul.

Do we always live as though that's true? Do we believe, and live as though, our value lies within our hearts and souls, or are we focused on the outward symbols and signs of success and wealth? Are we happy with what we have or always looking to accumulate the latest and greatest? And when we get the latest and greatest, do we share them to spread the joy or are we really just showing off? Are we keeping to our budgets or "keeping up with the Joneses"?

I think it might be wise to follow the lead of our teachers and spend more time finding and appreciating the goodness in our hearts. Instead of accumulating more material things, we should accumulate more good friends and good relationships. Instead of tallying up our millions of dollars, we should tally up our hours of service to others. Instead of worrying about having all that everyone else has, we should worry about alleviating the stress that others may be carrying. Instead of teaching our children that more is better through our buying habits and actions, we should be teaching them that less is more when it comes to material possessions, and more is better when it comes to love, affection, caring, listening, and time spent together.

We are born, after all, with just our hearts and souls. When we die, we re-enter the Spiritual World not with the physical possessions that we've accumulated, but with the wisdom and knowledge we have accumulated through the use of our special God given talents and gifts.

The treasures in life can not be purchased, horded, held, or seen. The true treasures in life are felt in our hearts, known to our souls, and given away as much and as often as possible.

I ask you to look within and ponder your greatness. Appreciate what makes you a "good person". Then go and be the treasure to this world that you were born to be.